I wish more men would come out. The older I get, the more convinced I become that the world is full of latent homosexuals. Their failure to accept their sexuality means the rest of us have to put up with their consequent misery.
Last time I wrote, it was about a week before my big performance. It seemed as if though the day would never come, but sure enough, last Sunday did come, and it certainly was a day to remember.
Just to refresh your memories, I was asked by my gay-friendly church to arrange a piece for All Saints' Day, a special church holiday. So, I did, and I orchestrated it for brass, organ, percussion, and choir. From conception to execution, the project took about a year. It was a big project for me! I learned so much, and by the end of it all, I think I came out a better musician.
“Pick a card, any card.
NOTE TO SETH FROM ALEX
First of all, Seth, let me say that I love you. Don’t worry, I know how much you hate it when I say that (which is why I do; you do know me, don’t you?). And I know you’ll hate me even more when you see this, but I have to tell it—I can’t keep everything inside me anymore with the tale running cold in my veins. You don’t want me to, I know (despite all my reassurances that no one cares), but it’s really not your say.
So, pardon me from being blunt and cruel, but this is for your own good. And mine, hopefully.
Thursday and Friday I went to parties. Thursday's party was fun and I knew some people there, but it wasn't as much of a sausage-fest as I would have liked, especially for being a gay party thrown by gay guys. But it was fun and I saw great firemen, drag queens, Bam Bam, etc.
Friday's party was a bust -- I got there by the time everyone was drunk and almost out of beer.
Then Saturday afternoon I saw that my friend had an away message saying that she was going to Rocky Horror Picture Show. I had never seen it before then so I went with her and three other friends. But of course you can't go to the movie without dressing up. We spent the rest of the afternoon shopping for girdles, blouses, fish-nets, high heels (for the guys), and short shorts. After I was dressed, a friend put on make-up and after it all, I looked almost exactly like Eddie Izzard. It was great. At first I was going to dress up as Brad Majors, but my friends persuaded me to go in drag. I thank them for it. :)
I am in the process of hatching a very cunning plan.
Due to the nature of my work, I am travelling a lot these days, attending conferences and the like.
I have a conference in vancouver in february, followed by a conference in brussels the same month, and a wedding in antwerp two and a half weeks later.
I am trying to set it up so that I spend a week in vancouver, a week in san francisco, another week in vancouver and a week in brussels, followed by a week in london, and a week in some undetermined european country (possibly italy) and then a couple of days in antwerp.
Well, I came out to my entire group of friends and not one of them decided to throw something at me. To be honest, it makes things easier because I always felt sort of like I was lying to them. I am just glad that they are such sweet people. If I told my family, I would definitely face a lot of predjudice and probably get tossed out; so even though I hate having to lie, in the end it will help more than hurt me. I have finally realized that it's stupid and utterly pointless to conform to how people want me. People who say that you should change who you are aren't worth being around because they obviously don't care for you. People who truly care will accept you for who you are and will never expect you to change to please them. This has been the hardest lesson for me to learn and I finally think that I am ready to face the world as I am.
If anyone is interested, I posted a character sketch that I recently wrote over on my blog tonight. The piece is called "The Cuddler" and is available here. I know I keep talking about writing on here and other places, so here's something you can actually read, since I keep the novel under wraps for the most part.
Tonight I told my best friend, Eli, that I'm gay.
He took it rather well. He was very surprised, but he
said he was happy that I found my true self. He's the
only one I've come out to, but I figured I should tell
my closest friend since like 2nd grade what's been going
on with me. Especailly since I'm planning on coming
out to Sam tomorrow.
There is a huge sigh of relief coming out of my body at
Today I came out to another person-my screenwriting teacher, who is also a lesbian! I was a bit nervous, I don't know why, but I did muster up the courage to talk to her. She said some really encouraging things-that the girls she knew who were out in the past were treated fine, no one thought badly of them. So I'm very happy:). I also talked to her about starting a GSA, and she said she'd talk to the dean of students about it.
Well I called my mom on the phone while she was at work. Told her I had to tell her something. I asked her if she knew what I was gonna tell her. She didn't say anything then said no. Asked if I was commit suicide or if I'm depressed at all. I told her no and it's not bad. Well obviously I am depressed but I didn't wanna ge ther started. We kept arguing because she kept thinkins it was bad. I told her to come home. When she did about 5 minutes ago I told her to read this poem.
I know this is hard to fathom, but one of the best players in the WNBA came out of the closet.
Lesbians playing basketball? Hard to believe, I know, but there you have it.
Today was, in essence, a mixed bag. Not a nice bag, mind you, but one of those slick yet crusty garbage bags you find on the side of the road, filled with a bunch of half-rotten food and waste, but inside it all is a ring of gold.
Yes, I enjoy metaphor, and by now have grossed myself out.
The morning started off as a typical mom brain fart. Yesterday the power had gone out, and she set the clock badly, so the alarm never went off, and she woke up at 8:20. I had been feeling bad yesterday, and this really didn't help me get off to a good start. My cold seemed to magnify, and I felt the icy anxiety in the pit of my stomach. Nothing was going to help my mood much, so when we got to school I was on the point of tears. I'm usually not like this, but my anxiety just makes my moods so...eratic and crazy.
There's a story in this week's New York magazine asking whether JT LeRoy, author of Sarah and The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things, and profiled in Oasis in August 2000, is not a real person.
You can read it online here
For a while back then and in occ
The boyfriend and I have pretty much settled in to our new place, and we're really liking it here. It's really close to school--he bikes to school and I ride the bus on days when I'm not feeling like a princess. ;) Anyhow, let's read what I've been up to these past couple weeks....
well on saturday morning my dad found Oasis up and saw that it was a gay site. I'm not allowed on it anymore and I can't have sleep overs anymore, because they know I'm gay. My biggest concern though is that I don't know what to tell my friends when they want me to sleep over! I am disobeying my mom just to get on right now, so I wont be on much so goodbye.
p.s. I won't be on AIM either because my mom gets supicious when she hears typing.
ok, so i just came out to my little brother. he's 14. he's the most open-minded person in my family, so i decided to tell him first.
i was a bit nervous. i mean, i know that he's cool with gay people, but i wasnt sure he'd be cool with having a gay sister.
but he was totally cool with it, telling me that there's nothing wrong with being gay, that it's a good thing, that it's something you cant help, that i shouldnt worry about it, that if our mom gets upset about it, it's her problem not mine, etc etc how he loves me no matter what and im like, you're amazing!!! he made me so happy.
Take the quiz: "What's your sexual orientation?"
Gay as the day is long. It's natural you didn't ask to be gay but you know you got your pride!
I can agree with that. I am gay, gay gay gay gay gay! And proud of it. But I didn't ask for it. Wow, how accurate.
Ok, so last week I got outed to the school. It all happened during a pretty innocent Chemistry lesson, when a guy asked me if I was a lesbian (we'd been having this conversation ages before- it wasn't just a spur of the moment thing.) I suddenly felt like I wasn't gonna hide it anymore, and I told him the truth, "Yep- I'm into girls, plus Johnny Depp." He looks really shocked, and is speechless for a little while, but by that time somebody else has heard and it spreads all over the classroom. Next thing I know, I'm being asked questions in every class. Groups of whispering girls look over at me and suddenly go quiet when I walk past. My normal paranoia is suddenly increased a thousand-fold, and I keep my head down and ignore everyone.
Next Tuesday is National Coming Out Day (YAY!!! special Huzzaa for all those who stand up and scream it on tuesday) anyhoot, I being the "real nice guy" I am, I got opted in to run the discussion group for that day... being that it is National Coming Out Day (YAY!!!!!!!) any of yalls have any good idea how to run the group.....
(its a group that discuses how to solve various lgbtq(and whatever other letters they add on to it now.... but 5 is where i stop) issues, like school violence/harassment... as well as gives "support" to people in that cold dreary closet. )
Any ideas would be appreciated......