feeling a bit better

dazed and confused's picture

Thanks to the few of you who responded to my last blog, written at oh...1 am, a few nights ago. I am feeling better... I've decided that a large part of me being uncomfortable with being gay is due to the fact that:

1)I'm the only "newbie" in the GLB group I hang out with on-campus...they haven't had a support session in about 2 months or so, and

2) all my friends in the dorm/my classes are straight, and they don't know I'm gay. As a result, I'm constantly being reminded about how I'm different every time they talk about the guys the like and whatnot. This is the first time in my life I've really diverged from the "norm"...and I guess I'm just not dealing with it well, especially since it's not really anything I can control.

I'm going on a retreat this next weekend given by campus ministry, and I'm hoping it'll help me out a bit. (One can hope, at least).

Also, I'm wondering if I would actually feel better telling all my friends...I mean, I'm sure I would, most people say they feel quite liberated once they're out...I'm just wondering if it's time for me to come out to people. I could start with my friend whom I practically did come out to...she know's I'm going on the GLB & Friends retreat.

Hmm...I think some deep thinking and perhaps some prayer is called for. Unfortunately, I'm really bad about making myself talk to people even when I know it'll make things better. (It took me about 3 miserable weeks to come out to my RA)

Anyone have any advice on coming out to friends? It's kind of an odd topic to just bring up out of the blue...


linds's picture


I hope things are improving for you. Don't let moments of gossiping about boys make you feel oppressed or powerless. Assert yourself. Talk about a cute girl every time. They'll get the point, believe me.

I also recommend the brief sensitive chat: "I wanted you to know that I'm a lesbian", or what have you. Be aware that if you go over this with a close female friend, they may well think you're attracted to them. Actually, my best friend when I started coming was insulted that I wasn't.

My last casual coming-out was between me and a girl I've taken classes with for several years. She sort of knew, but for whatever reason, I felt the need to assert it at that point.

Friend: Class X with Prof Y was really great today! We talked about the Lacanian interpretation of heterosexual relationships.
Me: Oh yeah? Hey, I know someone, Z, she's in that class with you. Super skinny, wears a lot of pink, kind of...
Friend: Dumb? I know who you're talking about.
Me: Yeah. But she has connections.
Friend: Oh my god, she asked the worst questions!
Me: She's a piece of work. In fact, this summer, she was *obsessed* with the idea that I wanted to fuck her.
Friend: Oh?
Me: Never mind that she's so emaciated she looks like an alien! She thought that since she was a woman, and lesbians fuck women, that I, as a lesbian, automatically wanted to fuck her.
Friend: Like I said. Dumb.
Me: Yeah.

So work it into the conversation, sort of... it worked well here because we were already talking about sex, in a sense, but it's not impossible.

There's always the T-shirt method. Wear a t-shirt that says something like, "I'm not a lesbian but my girlfriend is", or "nobody knows I'm a lesbian", etc etc. This is a very effective way of coming out: everyone on campus who sees you will know. That said, everyone that sees you on campus will know.

I guess that what perhaps needs to resonate here is the following: don't feel rushed. Don't feel like you're running out of time, that you HAVE to do this... let it come out, so to speak, in a natural way. Because it will.



Luke's picture

My inept way...

This is just a suggestion, but my favored way to come out is in a massive, painful, and horribly awkward, but somewhat quick and easy way. Just get the ball rolling. I mostly came out through an online message board for my friend's band, or through just blurting out "IM GAY!" to people I met. If you learn to apreiciate the awkwardness, it can be a good way. Plus, it really doesn't matter how you come out, just that you do. Things will return to a blissful state of COMPLETELY out normalcy in under six months. I promise. No worries, and good luck!