Hate Jealousy and homophobia

eTgen's picture

Good day (night)- whatever,

I was talking today to some homosexuals, who were actually pleasant yet I hated them! (?) I don't understand, it was as though I was trying to find flaws that they did not have. I wanted to like them, but the more I tried the more I hated them. Why? I think it is b/c I am jealous- they have the life that I want so badly, yet I refuse to lead it. Why? I really don't know. The only thing I can explain it with is an aphorism: What I desire most, I deny adamantly!

The hope now of true happiness (that is of course in a platonic idealistic sorta-of way)- has truly been lost.

This thursday there is going to be a gay meeting, a gay date auction.

I shall not attend, nor I fear shall I ever.

And yet how ironic it is that I have gay online friends.

Perhaps electronic hate is not possible.
Perhaps! Oh, but to perhaps.

Life moves on.

Maybe one day I shall move my jealousy- The steady rock in the river of life.

But as the pre-socratics claim "you never step in the same river twice" constant change.

If the river changes, perhaps then my rock shall move.

***
what is all this s@#t tha I just wrote?

Crap.

Good answer,

nite

latterz,

eTgen

Comments

el's picture

boy....

at least my condition isn't as serious as yours.......yet