Is there really such a thing as being gay?

michael1111ca's picture

Just some random questions to the ether, for anyone to respond to if they feel like it...

Gore Vidal wrote (somewhere, I don't remember where I read it) that someone can't be homosexual. They can do homosexual things, but they can't be a homosexual.
Is there more to being gay than just labelling? What does it mean to be gay? Does it just mean that you are attracted to the same sex? Does it mean that you've had to deal with coming out? Is it just who you identify with?

greyboi's picture

Is there such a thing as being straight?

Many Christian conservatives had said, "Homosexuality doesn't really exist. These people just need to grow up and realize their real potential attraction to people of the oppsite sex. Their choice to defy nature only shows how much God need to heal this world."

How does THAT make you feel?

Are we are just straight people with rebellious attitudes? I think not!

If homosexuality isn't REAL, then people wouldn't be complaining about it. Gay kids wouldn't be committing suicide in record numbers because Jesus wouldn't "change" them. There would be no international cry for gay rights, and the murders of gay people in Iran, Zimbabwe and Syria would be zero.

If homosexuality wasn't REAL, then I wouldn't spend everyday of my life longing for the comfort of another man to grow old with and die. I'd just find a nice young lady and we'd have a home like the Cleaver family.

DaySleeper's picture


Yeah, being gay is most definately real. I agree with Greling Jackson. If it didn't exsist I wouldn't be getting harassed my mother would be in denial and I would be going out with my best guy friend. But, much to the dismay and sometimes disgust of the world, it's one of the few things that we can say is real. But, oh well. The straights need to get over it.

Rachelle is still Great's picture

There cannot be...

There cannot be one without the other, for you wouldn't need to take notice of its existence if there were no other state it could be in. If there is color, there has to be a state of no color.

Scruffy the Vampire Slayer's picture

you raise an interesting point whether or not you're right :)

Hey. it's a really strange question. but gay is a definition. you could just accept yourself and your chracteristics, sexual interests etc instead of seeing if you're really gay or really straight or whatever bs label people have.. thanks for mentioning a thought making topic tho!
"The hardest thing in this world is to live in it" Buffy- The Gift

desert13's picture

I've thought about this

Yeah...umm, I spent a year trying to find the answer to that question. I talked to close friends, read lots of stuff (coming out stories, conservative christian propoganda, etc.) And I came to the conclusion that I was irretrievably gay.

Even my dad, who is a conservative (for the most part) pastor will tell you that a gay/lesbian orientation actually exists. He doesn't like it, and he wants people to change it, but it's there, and it's real.

marcelle42's picture

The Sexologists

It's worth remembering that although there have been people engaging in same-sex acts forever, there have been different interpretations of that throughout time. The current understanding of homosexuality didn't happen until the late 1800s, with the Sexologists (Kraft-Ebbing and the like). Before that, people just weren't understood as being homosexual, or being heterosexual, for that matter. So I don't think the question can be dismissed simply because we can definitively say that people who are attracted to members of the same sex exist... there's more to it than that.

Karen, who has Judith Butler dancing in her head trying to get out... no! stay!! no queer theory in the morning!!

JB's picture

I'm Not Gay

I'm Not Gay, although I suspect some of my lovers are...

Leisa's picture

Me either

I just really like gay people, so I try to emulate them ;-) LMAO!

JB's picture


My Good friend Rob said once: "I'm not gay, I just think you're all Fabulous"

Leisa's picture

Of course!

Well we are all fabulous, otherwise our planet would not be Fabulon.

TheSoko's picture

Is there such a thing as blue

Is there such a thing as blue eyes? O_O
Is there such a thing as black hair? O_O

These are the real questions, people! Honestly! ;)

michael1111ca's picture


I've heard this quite often from bisexual people (on this site), but isn't it more about liking someone? I mean, I'm attracted to guys, and haven't been really attracted to girls (okay, it did happen once). If I was attracted to a woman, that's just how it is. Is there anything to being gay other than liking the same sex? Or is it just a matter of sexual preference? Does it mean more than that? I mean, societally, it does. In terms of family and friends, there's definitely 'gay'. Is it just society's way of thinking tho, or is there something else to it, other than labelling? Like, as a result of me realizing that I was attracted to men, does that automatically mean certain other things, that aren't just as a result of people's thinking? Like, if gay wasn't considered wrong/bad/etc from so many different groups right now, would it really mean anything? If it's completely acceptable in the future, will there be any point in having gay pride parades, other than historical significance?

jeff's picture

Do you mean...

they might be homosexual, but might not be gay? That I'm fine with...

It's a bit old school, but thinking that homosexuality was an orientation that could be denied and avoided, but gay is accepting that orientation into your life as a gift and cherishing it.

I'm OK with that, a bit dated, but I think that is the idea. Unless you have a link for context.


linds's picture

on being "gay"

So this guy whose book I'm helping with has what he calls "damage theory" -- the reduced version of it is that all gay people are emotionally/psychologically damaged because they're different from their parents. (There's more to it, I'm very consciously reducing it to a single statement.) If Jeff's definition is true (I'm going with that version because I like it the best out of what I've seen here) then accepting your orientation is causing yourself pain. It might be absolutely necessary to accept yourself, but you are opening yourself up to damage.

If you accept "damage theory", then events like pride are a way of repairing yourself.

Ok, if this makes any sense whatsoever... I'm just playing around with the ideas here....


jules's picture

playing around with ideas back

"So this guy whose book I'm helping with has what he calls "damage theory" -- the reduced version of it is that all gay people are emotionally/psychologically damaged because they're different from their parents."

You've just described the root of all teenage angst, not just gay teenage angst. Though I'm sure the theory did lose in its reduction.


JB's picture


Some people never accept thier Orientation. and that is why they are not happy in life. not just gay or str8 labels, some people labl themsleves bi because they are to scared to admit they are a full blown queer.

marcelle42's picture

JB, You've been saying that

You've been saying that a lot lately. Maybe you don't realize how offensive it is to suggest to bi people that they aren't really bi, they just want to be trendy, or are afraid of being queer, or any other number of reasons that perpetuate biphobia. It is equivalent to telling gay people that they want to be trendy, or get special rights, or are afraid of the opposite sex, or possessed by the devil. If it is still your opinion that people say they are bi for the reasons you give, then ok... you're as entitled to your opinion as anyone else, and you have as much right to express it... but please keep in mind what you're saying, and to whom.


JB's picture

Its true


Did I specifically point at you and say this? seems you get your panties in a twist over the whole concept. the whole "biphobia" catch phrase seems to have taken on new momentum. did my last post say its because its trendy, upon re-reading my post I see I said nothing of the sort. PErhaps you should be refered to my "right to be stupid" blog" please, if you are going to try and fight with me. have enough brains to back up what you say. and don't read into things. its a really bad habit to get into.