Life goes on...

Dragon's picture

What a weekend... well, Ilana and I aren't dating anymore. I can't stand the long distance, this is for good. There is no going back now. 6 months and some odd days... I'll never forget that time, and we are still going to be very good friends. ((Rachelle... you are going to hurt me...:)))
Let's see, how do I say this. First of all I can't identify as lesbian anymore... all because of Zach. You've probably heard of him. I've known him for 8 years, he's in my youth group, and I've had a crush on him ever since puberty. In October or so I decided I was a lesbian, no attraction to guys whatsoever. Well, except for him... I decided to ignore it, and concluded I was just liking him out of habit, I mean 5 years, come on... you can't like someone that long, can you? All right, All right, I'll get to the point. This Friday we had a game of hide and seek after the pasta dinner, we were the wait staff for the evening in return for money going towards the youth group. Zach and I hid, in the arts and crafts closet (very cramped...) of the youth group director's office. Next thing I knew he was kissing me. Goddesses... I wasn't liking him out of habit... I told him I couldn't be doing that, and it stopped, but hells, I didn't want it to. That night I vowed it wouldn't happen again, I'd apologize to Ilana and that was that. Then I began thinking... She lives an hour away, we get to talk for 5 minutes a week, if that. I see her once a month... if I'm lucky... what kind of relationship is this. Late Saturday night I came to a conclusion. Our relationship wasn't working. Sunday, I knew what I had to do, as much as it would hurt. I talked to Zach Sunday, and we kissed again. (more on that in a moment) Later that afternoon, I made the fateful call. We have vowed to be friends, and I hope we can stay true to that, for I do love her, and if she lived any closer perhaps things would have worked out. On Sunday Zach and I talked a bit, mainly on how our parents have been plotting this for ages, then on whether or not we wanted this to be a "long term thing" (I think it ended in Yes, but I'm not really sure, I think we are just going to hang out some more, go skiing, hiking, etc.) Then, after we finished talking the one thing I had never really expected to happen again did, he kissed me. Zach, who is incredibly girl shy, took a family friend to the Semi-Formal, and didn't want to go out a little over a year ago because "he lived too far away" (8 miles...) A couple minutes passed, then the door opens, we fly to seperate ends of the couch, his sister is standing in the doorway. I think I turned beet red. "Zach, time to go." He smiled and got up to go. I hear in the hallway "What were you wo doooin'???" his response, "Nothing, now shut up." The most amazing thing, she listened.

Well, now I'm sick at home on a Tuesday, and that's pretty much my weekend. As far as the future goes, I'm clueless, but that's the fun part I guess.

I miss my purple font... *tear*

Comments

RoaG's picture

life is too confusing

... but at least you're happy. i hope things work out for you, though it sounds like, in a crazy, chaotic way, they already did =).

and i miss your purple font too! *sniff*