Today is the first day in all i can remeber, where if a knife were in my hand i would not cut. It is a new feeling for me, i feel very alive for once, for the first time in ages i am living, not just alive and breathing, but real living. i love it. I mean i am not super happy i still have problems, but for some reason this night is different and calm in some sense. i like it, i like looking forward to the future instead of dreding it, i like living.