Oasis On The Big Screen!

JB's picture

I JB, Propose, that the Oasis (circa November 2002) Be made into a big screen Adaptation.

The plot of the movie will center around the members of Oasis trying to save thier Site and founder Jeff who has been kidnaped and held hostage by an evil software developer "Mr. M" who threatens oasisians works with copyright unless the source code for oasis is revealed!

losely based on a "muppetts type movie" where we all get together on a funky bus and save the day!

I propose a star studed cast to play the Key characers of Oasis. the List is here...

Jeff (founder)Harvey Fierstein
Adrian: Hayden christainsen
Hol: Carrie-Anne Moss
Jules: Sarah Jessica Parker
Just Bryan: Tobey Maguire
Linds: Heather Graham
Greeling: Denzil washington
Jazzer: Emanual Lewis
Rachelle: Sarah Polley
Tiki: Jennifer Lopez
Dragon: juliette lewis
etgen: Ryan Phillipe
Leisa: christina richi
Jaicyn: Charlie Humman
JJ: Claire Danes
Riley: Britney Spears

The evil Software vilian will be played by Ru-Paul. It is our Duty to rescue Jeff from Him and save all of our writeing from emminent copyright!

Rachelle is still Great's picture

Oh my Goddess!!

Hahaha! Jennifer Lopez as Tiki! BRITNEY SPEARS AS RILEY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA *in stitches*

*wipes tear* Oh, that's priceless.

Rebeled2k's picture

Ack

how can you not like star wars!??!?!

jessi3's picture

LMAO

i personally think that is the best thing i have heard all day, britney spears as riley is BRILIANT, bryan. i know she will love it and totally take it as a compliment *efg*

hehehe, cant wait for sceen 2 :)

*snicker snicker*

greyboi's picture

Maybe...

We can write to a news network and get them to do a 5 minute spot on the site. That should draw millions of users.

Leisa's picture

You are the best!

This idea is incredible! I love it! Bryan you are (insert loving adoring words here)!

adrian's picture

Hehehe

Coming next summer straight to a video store near you !.

But really.. haiden christiansen?
That would make me in some way involved with star wars..

while i am _very_ much the anti-star wars. To clarify .. episode 1 is one of 3 movies I have walked out of. And I flat out refuse to see episode 2. Even the original series irritates me.

marcelle42's picture

Episode 2 was awful... who le

Episode 2 was awful... who let George Lucas write dialogue?

"The sand is rough... but you are so smooth" = worst pick-up line ever.

However, hayden christianson in Life as a House... very cute. I would take it as a compliment.
Karen

hol's picture

JB!!!

JB!!! The screenplay? Where is it? I expected at least the first installment this morning.
~hol

JB's picture

Ahem

Yes, Give it time Hol.
LAst nite, The Bitch Splitter was haveing a "Moment" and needed to "talk" some issues over.

Act I will be up soon enough...

Leisa's picture

Idea Man

So not only do you have the ideas, you can act upon them as well! Yay!

greyboi's picture

By the way...

Denzel is a little old, but I figure you look his personality more into account than his looks. Thanks anyway. :)

JB's picture

Movie Magic

Heh,

well Denzel is a bit older, however due to the current movie magic, we could make him look young again ;)

or we could just get rid of him and have will smith play you....

lol

JB

greyboi's picture

WHAT!!!

Will Smith?

THAT HOMOPHOBE!!!

I'd rather be ANY old man over him.

He had a gay role in "Six Degrees of Seperation", but later called it a "fag part". He has consistently in all of his shows to portray black gay men as silly, queeny, dipsticks. I can tolerate Denzel, but Mr. Smith is an insult!

JB's picture

hrm

emanual Lewis?

jeff's picture

Actually...

Will Smith was given advice that you "shouldn't be kissing no man" on film, before filming Six Degrees. who gave him this advice?

Denzel.

Jeff

greyboi's picture

Well...

Then HELL to Denzel too!

JB's picture

hehehe

I had an Idea "greling as himself" lol

greyboi's picture

JB!...

You are too, cruel! :-)

JB's picture

.

.

JB's picture

d

8==D

Jillie's picture

Great Casting!

Now, to convince Britney and JLO that this movies helps fund "Implants for Starving Children".

hol's picture

while we're waiting for the screenplay

I was just wondering, does anyone get it on in this flick? Or rather, my fellow Oasians, which actresses/actors would you like to see in some compromising positions?
~hol

jules's picture

some things i don't know...

But I'm sure that I'm more Janeane Garofolo than Sarah Jessica Parker.

At least in the witty and bitchy department.

hol's picture

ohhh

And she's hot. You being Sarah Jessica Parker is scary. At moments you're really hot, and at other times, you're beastly. And would you be like her when she plays Carrie? Cause then, you can't dress either. And I don't care what anyone says...that is not high fashion.
Dogs wearing coats on cold days during their morning walks have more style.
RANT....and this has nothing to do with Jules, but thanks for being a catalyst...LOL
~hol

JB's picture

hey, opening scenes

Act I

Jeff is danceing in the middle of the dancefloor to Kathy B's Lets hear it for the boy. He is having a grand old time, being himself. Along comes a nice tall thin gentlemen. He introduces himself to Jeff as "M" he explains to Jeff that he is from AFrica and that his anme is unpronouncable in English. Jeff is kind of turned on by this....

Jeff and "M" get thier groove on together for the rest of the night, with the last song playing (MAdonna's what it feels like for a girl) Jeff exclaims his love for that feeling and "M" does aswell. They decided ot go home together for some hardcore shaggin, both being total bottoms agreed they would figure something out.

They get out on to the street and "M" walkjs jeff to his Car. When they reach is some leather daddies clad in leather masks jump out of a nearby van and force jeff into it. Jeff exclaims while this is going on that he loves role playing aswell.

Across the world in Cape Town South Africa. Adrian is Gettin his groove on with a new GHB friend and some tecno rave tunes. suddenly he feels odd. Its not the GHB its a feeling of emptyness, not the feeling like after being just fucked. Adrian realizes, Jeff is in trouble...

CUT TO CATCHY MADONNA THEME SONG

Leisa's picture

So far so good

Great! :-) Jeff is a damsel in distress, I love it! And Adrian, or superAdrian I should say, hee hee!

hol's picture

where in the world...

Actually, I just wanna know what happened to the Santa suit?
~hol

JB's picture

Santa

Santa's people contacted me and threatened me with a lawsuit if i used the santa suit on jeff. they also said i would be on the permanent naughty list. so i decided to nix the santa suit in hopes of one day being on the nice list

hol's picture

Oh JB...

In an alluring (not my typically 'bubbly' voice): You're sooooo naughty!!! I like it, growl...
~hol

Rachelle is still Great's picture

Brilliant!

This is truely hilarious, and I LOVE the already excessive use of Madonna tunes!

Tiki's picture

lmao

wow - j-lo........ dunno wot to say only...i'm disturbingly totally happy with that choice! fuk knows why but at least my str8 townie sister would approve of my punk ass for a change. :) when does everyone come into my diner? wot's my role? can't wait for the rest of the film!!!!! :)

Dragon's picture

Hmph... she's funny looking!!

HEHEHE!!! I love it... except for me *cringes* I'm sorry, JB!!!! But-But, she's funny looking!! I looked her up, and she's nothing like me. She couldn't pull it off. *grins* I'm too complex!!! What about... Winona Rider or, umm... Demi Moore with short hair... everyone is brilliant though!! Or should I say fabulous??

Jillie's picture

You know you're a loser when:

You don't get a part in the big-ass oasisian movie and this is basically the only site you post on.
Oh well, I wouldn't want some Hollywood bitch pretending to be me anyway.

JB's picture

yo

just because yer not listed doesn't mean yer not gonna at least make a cameo

metrored's picture

that's comforting

thats comforting

JB's picture

cameo

some actors are better in silent films.

metrored's picture

what are you implying?

what are you implying?

JB's picture

e

nothing.

linds's picture

moi? I'm truly flattered...

Although I think that Heather Graham will need a cut-and-dye job to play me properly. And Velma glasses. If Jules hadn't claimed Janeane Garofalo, I would've done so.

~Linds, whose mentor got new eyeglasses an awful lot like hers... I'm starting a revolution in spectacles, one dyke at a time!

jules's picture

on revolutions

Speaking of revolutions - I've noticed a fuck of a lot a girls running around campus with red hair and black tips - twisted in the way I wore it twisted before my head got shaved. It was an accident this time. A catastrophic reunion of clippers and hair product.

~jules

JB's picture

ACT II

Scene: Jeff is tied to a Bed. Still hopeing that this is some kinky sex play. Meanwahile the main page of Oasis has suddenly been changed to a ransom note. That reads

Minions of Oasis, I Mr. M, gives you nitce, you are to reveal the cource code for the root frames of the Oasis site, Or I will use my powers as an evil software developer to copyright you. by doing this, copyrighting your work and then as a result you. you will become my slaves of thought and mind. Give up the source code or "Momma Jeff" gets snuffed. and not in a good way like russian snuff video's that are sold on route 66 east of Houston.

Adrain also received an email from Evil M styateing the adress to send the source code to. Adrian emmediate used his IM and MSN to contact Just Bryan in Canada for an emergency confrence call of the editors of Oasis.

Just BRyan, useing his super discount on long distance calls (he works for the phone company) called everyone on a confrence call.

The editors were taken aback that Jeff was kidnapped and that Oasis was now being threatened with emminet copyright and possible demise.

There was only one thing to do. They decided to rescue Jeff. Just Bryan Stole his Hippie Uncles bus and set off on the road. Arriveing In Montreal Just Bryan, Dressed as a Lesbian, snuck into the lesbian bar to get Hol (played by Carrie-Anne Moss. Hol was shocked that JB was able to pose as a womene convinceingly. She emmediately downed her double Vodka and Lime with a lemon. and off they set to Ottawa. To retreive Jules (now played by Jenine garofolow due to contractual dispute with SJP) Jules' words would be certainly helpfull in the quest to rescue Jeff.

BEfore Hol and JB left Montreal, they stoped at club supersex and bought some sex toys, to use in thier quest. a blue ben-wah and a pleaure twig. these toys were bought new and not from the "USED DILDO"S FOR THE POOR" bin.

NEXT STOP OTTAWA!

NOTE: NO BI_SEXUALS WERE HARMED IN THE MKAING OF THIS SEGMENT

linds's picture

so, now...

are you coming to NYC, or do I have to somehow drive myself to Canada in my mentor's pick-up truck? :-)

~Linds

JB's picture

.

in due time grasshopper.

Leisa's picture

ROFL!

S'wonderful, S'wonderful!

jules's picture

Too fucking funny.

Too fucking funny.

hol's picture

descriptors

LOL...this is great...I'm just commenting here for a fuller effect of the bar.

Le Parking. It's a Thursday night in the village. Think NYC '80s underground. Punk before it came what people call punk. New electronic political/activisty music.

Ideally I'd be drinking a martini. Gin and tonic would be a stand in. But alas, it is Le Parking, and beer is cheap. So beer it is.

the Supersexe. JB. I *know* eventually I'll end up there with you. For a little homo torture, I'll buy you a lap dance. *wink*
~hol

Dragon's picture

hehe... we still need to work

hehe... we still need to work on my casting, but make a stop in hickville MA to get me!!! *grins*

JB's picture

ACT III

when we last left our gang JB and Hol were in montreal buying sex toys for weapons to defeat the Evil MR "M"...

JB and HOl were outside Hol's super funky groovy Flat packin up the Bus with much needed supplies of booze and porn. when all of a sudden there was a screech of rubber, horns honking and the sound of plastic recycle bins being hit buy something.... and Screeching to a halt in front of a stunned JB and Hol, was a 50 foot RV. The door poped open.... and who jumps out? JULES! (now played by jeanine garoflo) with a cigarette in dabgleing form her mouth she pulls out a recycle bin from under the tire. JB and Hol were frankly, amazed. Jules mumbles something about "Function Verses style, and why not have both"

JB and Hol, bussily pack the supplies into the luxurious RV. quickly set fire to the Bus to erase all evidence, and are off on thier way.

They cross the border into Vermont. Arriveing in Gaysville VT (its a real place look it up on mapquest) The gang quickly find the local school and explain to the principle of the Gay high shcool that Rachelle (played by sarah Polley )is needed for a serious quest of the ut-most fabulouslness he agrees to let her leave early and skip 6rd period home economics.

with Rachelle on board they set off to Mass. to pick up Dragon! The gang start to booze it up in the hot tub of the RV while Jules, cigarette dangling from her mouth drives with no speed limits along the highways and biways!

Arriveing in Hicksville MA, Dragon (played by Dragon herself)is picked up, before leavieng she tips over several barrels of feed for her horses so they will survive while she is off saveing Jeff. She instructs the Barn cat to keep an eye out for the horses. and then off with a dust of gravel from the spinning tires of the RV.

So far JB is doing well. being the only male in an RV filled with lesbians. JB demonstrates his skills as an Alcoholist to the others in apparently not ever spilling his dirnk, no matter how many times Jules swerves in and out of traffic and hitting every pot hole!

Hol Finally sets up a satilite connection with Jules Laptop so that Adrian can remotely keep track of the gang and give instructions as to where other Oasians can be found and who can help along the way. Adrian sets up his webcam so he can be there in spirit with JB in the Hot Tub of the RV.

With Madonna blareing and pride streamers flying, the RV and the gang continues to NY city!

Next episode; NEW YORK CITY BOY!

Leisa's picture

You missed your calling....

I hear the Cohen brothers calling.

hol's picture

satellite

right. Note to self....new skill required. But my character is reminding me of something out of Hackers.
~hol