Oasis On The Big Screen!

JB's picture

I JB, Propose, that the Oasis (circa November 2002) Be made into a big screen Adaptation.

The plot of the movie will center around the members of Oasis trying to save thier Site and founder Jeff who has been kidnaped and held hostage by an evil software developer "Mr. M" who threatens oasisians works with copyright unless the source code for oasis is revealed!

losely based on a "muppetts type movie" where we all get together on a funky bus and save the day!

I propose a star studed cast to play the Key characers of Oasis. the List is here...

Jeff (founder)Harvey Fierstein
Adrian: Hayden christainsen
Hol: Carrie-Anne Moss
Jules: Sarah Jessica Parker
Just Bryan: Tobey Maguire
Linds: Heather Graham
Greeling: Denzil washington
Jazzer: Emanual Lewis
Rachelle: Sarah Polley
Tiki: Jennifer Lopez
Dragon: juliette lewis
etgen: Ryan Phillipe
Leisa: christina richi
Jaicyn: Charlie Humman
JJ: Claire Danes
Riley: Britney Spears

The evil Software vilian will be played by Ru-Paul. It is our Duty to rescue Jeff from Him and save all of our writeing from emminent copyright!

jules's picture


You've captured my nicotine addicted self in her essence, JB. And in the road of life, I do kinda like it fast and bumpy.


Rachelle is still Great's picture

That could be interpretted in several ways...

You like it fast and bumpy, huh?

jules's picture


Sure do. Multiple interpretations implied.

Dragon's picture


You're here!! Yee haw!!! I'm in a movie... sort of... this is so great...



Dragon's picture

You bet I do babe, and I know

You bet I do babe, and I know that wasn't directed toward me.... lol

We're in the next act!!! JB says soo!! Yee HAW!!!!!


linds's picture


I'm laughing so hard! JB, you're perfect :-)

"Function versus style, and why not have both..." roflmao

I have to get some big-ass "welcome to NYC" rainbow banners or something.

Rachelle is still Great's picture

JB rules!

Yay! You picked me up. I've decided I want to play myself. *hee*


JB's picture

Episode IV: New York City Boy.

Well, since we last left our gay hero's they were swishin donw the interstate to NYC. JB not spllling a drop of booze, and Dragon and Rachelle constantly being told about the "NO SEX IN THE CHAMPAIGN ROOM" rule.

Finally arriveing in NYC, The gang set out to find Linds. She was hard to find. She apparently was hideing in a librabry with books with cob webs on em. once we found her, she was whisked away to the RV where we filled her in on the plan to rescue Jeff. Getting a little bit of cabin fever the gang decided to stay the nite in Linds tiny student apt on campus of her university. and since there was only five people linds did not need to get permission from the housieng dept...

The next day the satilite upload was established again and a conference was made with Adrian. Adrian gave us a name of a "New York City Boy" some cute boy he had sexed up one time in the Galopagos Islands. All adrian knew was that the boy was in NYC and all he had was a old polaroid that adrian had taken of him after they had shagged. Adrian shrigged when he said he had no idea where said NYC boy lived. JB mixed a double vodka and seven. Jb left the RV without telling anyone where he was going.

JB got hailed a cab, jumped in and was Off to Kurfew, an amazeing NYC gay bar for young ones. Once there JB set out on a mission, to find someone who knows NYCBOY and possibly fuck him like Adrian Did ;). but most of all. they needed his expertese on lureing sugar daddies to pay for party drugs.

The girls were left to thier own devices in the RV, they decided to burn some incense and listen to some Ani DeFranco and make hemp necklaces.

Meanwhile somwheres in London UK Tiki (played by Jennifer Lopez) boarded an Air France Concorde to Paris.

Jb was haveing teh time of his life, somehow his shirt had come off and lost in the crowd, JB was shirtless. Suddenly JB found himself on his back laying on the bar and six HOT guys were doing Body shots off him, he was in extasy. his eyes rolled back in his head, enjoying the best E and Vodka of his life and the hot guys licking the shots off his rock hard abs, JB opened his eyes.... and who did he see? NYCBOY, right there, sucking the last bit of a shooter off JB's left nipple. JB, Jumped up, pushed the twinks away and grabbed NYCBOY and took him to the dance floor and they danced to "ABBA's Danceing Queen".

The next morning the Lesbians, were haveing thier morning coffee and homemade bran cereals, they wrere utterly confused. Jules was sucking on a king size marlboro speaking only short but meaningful sentences about how size DID matter with good cigarettes.

JB awoke to some rustleing of some sheets, satin sheets, JB remebered this feeling from that one time at band camps in the head counselors bunk house.... He opened his eyes, he was looking at a marvelous ceiling treatment that Frank from Tradeing spaces would scream like a school girl over. JB realized he was in the bed with more then one person. NYCBOY was next to him sound alseep, and on the other side was a sleeping twink who looked gorgeous as he slept. JB crawled out of the Bed and then realized he was at The Ritz. He went into the parlor of the suite he was at and who did he see?!!! it was BOY GEORGE! JB rubbed his eyes and it was true he was in BOY GEORGE'S room.

JB started to mutter some sentces and Boy George cut him off and said "You told me last night what you were doing, rescueing Jeff. Its very noble, and very CAMP as well. Its so CAMP!" is all he repated "its so camp" Just Then NYCBOY came out of the room with a sheet wraped around him. sat down and had a bagel with cream cheese. apparently he knew Boy George well. JB explained he had to get back to the Lesbians before they got granola in the hot tub. NYCBOY decided to join in the search for Jeff. As he remeber that while shaggin Adrian all adrian could say was snippits of source code from Oasis.

Before they left. Boy George, muttering "its so camp" handed over his VISA Gold CARD and said "Here boys, here is your funding, but before you go, please go shopping and get some clothes, you need to look delectibly delisicious in your quest.

And off they went! shopiing that is!

Meanwhile, Somewhere over the british Iles, somethig terrible happened on the concord.....

Leisa's picture

Woo hoo!

Yay! You got Linds! :-)

Dragon's picture


awe, no shagging? But JB got to shag... lol lol lol lol

Boygasm's picture


*plays the part in the background as a bartender serving liqures in the gay clubs*

*Hears a scream in the background* Ahhh Tobey how can I serve you you hunka of meat.

Sex on the Beach! he replies.

Sure thang, sweet heart, meet me on the beach, midnight and we;ll grind on.

JB's picture

Part V: The Carpet Stains!

IN our last installment teh group arrived in NYC and JB secured some much neede funding by haveing sex and letting Boy George watch.

Somewhere over The British Iles The concorde is Hi-Jacked! The concorde is tracked going off course, all the way to Johannesburg, SA. The concorde stops and amid a flury of media activity the passengers are let off and drag queens at the airport harass the press, the Concorde takes off again. What did it pick Up in Johannesburg? The mystery shall remain to the world. Meanwhile On the concorde Tiki (played by J-Lo and Adrian (played by Hayden christianson) are sipping martini's and enjoying the splender of haveing the concord to themselves. Tiki had Hypnotised the Pilot and fluight crew with her stlish ways and her "jugs".

Back in NYC the Gang, haveing secured financing decides to stay and have some fun and spend frivilously. That Nite JB and NYC boy decide to go take in somebraodway plays for enlightenment. the girls are persueded by Linds to go to a bar called "Meow Mix" The ladies got into some serious debauchory there the go-go dancers tried to seduce Hol and linds up on to the stage, linds went up, but hol was to inthralled buy a girl who had on an indigo uniform on. after the club closed they all went out for tea.

The next day back at Lids's dorm room, the gang lay spralled out on the floor. a mass of bodies tanged together. THey all get up, dress and get ready to leave the city. to continue thier search for Jeff.

Just as the RV was packed and ready to go, Linds notices something amiss in her dorm room. There are several stains on the carpet.... Linds starts to have a fucking cow. She emmediately blames the youngest of the group Dragon and Rachelle for eating Ice Cream while in the room. Jb comes across the scene, and examines teh stains while Linds be-rates dragon and rachelle who don't seem to care as they are busily kissing each other. After Jb's carefull examination he detrmines that ist is no icecream stains, but infact tea stains. The Tea Drinking Lesbians had stained the carpet. JB the states "remeber my Oasis theme? "Avoid Tea Drinking Lesbians: They Stain The carpet"

And the gang left. Jules with a king size Marlboro in yer mouth, weaving in and out of traffic with the skill of a NYC cab driver. cutting in and out of traffice.

As they left the city limits NYC boy started to convulse and act like he was going thro withdrawl. Dragon and Rachelle was bussily makin out in the hot tub and everyone else was doing lesbian type thing. Only JB took notice. JB quickyly determined that NYC boy was going thro big city withdrawl. JB quickly downloaded an image of the city and stuck it in front of his face. the convulsions stopped.

With pride streamers flying from the back of the RV and going about 120 mph down the hwy, Jules set the RV into cruis control and spun her seat arund to join in the festivities. Linds being the ever concerned one, asked Jules where she got the RV, Jules responded "with the aid of with grant, mullet and margaret the sex toys, I promised a lesbian couple I would have a 3some with them and my toys, they came to my dorm room, Poisoned the with acfeteria food, and shoved them into the Furry's closet"

Lind looked confused at the furry comment, JB laughed Hysterically. Meanwhile Hol was unable to use the laptop satilite uplink to get a hold of adrian. Hol emmediately thought Adrian may have been next, as he did know more baout Oasis the anyone besides jeff. Hol was able to get ahold of etgen (played by Ryan Phillipe)on live webacm. after poseing as a 45 year iold sugar daddy Hol lured him into a netmeeting conversation and got him in on the cause.

While cruising down the Interstate somwheres in Ohio, The rv started to Rattle, Jules Swung around and took the wheel, just as she did so, a Concorde whooshed meer meteres over the RV and proceded to land on the Interstae infront of them. Noticeing the Pride streamers flying from the Tail, We knew the people were gay and proud.

Jules Pulled the RV up to the Concorde, The door opened on the plane, It was Tiki and Adrian. Tiki explained her reasons for secureing the concorde and then gettin adrian, it was the only way adrianw ould be able to get to North America, as it normally costs to much to do so. The gang elected to take the concorde over the RV. The whole function verses style debate once again arouse. The jules pointed out. "Why not have both" the concorde was stylish and functional. and much faster then the RV.

Once the gang wa sloaded onto the Concorde, Dragon and Rachelle noticed something. No Hot Tub. So the flight was delayed while they hd a hottub installed on the Concorde. Once installed Jb and Adrian snagged it, NYC Boy joined in aswell. And the Concorde took off!

Meanwhile, Leisa (played by Christin Riechi)has stolen her grandmothers car once AGAIN, so that she could drive to Chigago to attend a Gay Rally ay the U Of C campus. She was also looking forward to haveing coffee with etgen there aswell so she donned her best "closets are for clothes" t-shirt. and off she went.

The Concorde Lands at O'HARE with a flury of activity. The stolen Concorde lands there aswell. As usual local drag queens keep the press at bay, as per the orders of the Gay Mafia.

A limo awaits JB & Adrian as they disembark the plane. They get the cab to the waterfron to U Of C to pick up Etgen and Leisa. Leisa and Etgen weren't hard to find. Leisa's "Closets are for clothes' shirt was a give away and etgens trademark curls gave him away aswell, not to mention his totaly sexyness.

On the way back to the plane, Leisa has a premintion... it is of a: White rabit....

hol's picture

whooo hoooo

I get to King....ladies, come gemme now.....

Leisa's picture


I've been eluding the cops for weeks now in my stolen vehicle waiting fo you guys to get your butts here to pick eTgen and I up! Hehe, and Bryan, I'm copyrigiting that shirt! :-)

Chief Political Right Hand Woman to Ceo, Founder and First Member of The Movement to Free Oompa Loompa Land from the Tryanicall Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka

Dragon's picture

that is a verty great shirt..

that is a verty great shirt... I think we should all get them for being in the movie, lol

~dragon fairy~

Leisa's picture

Already have one

and am currently in the process of getting one for eTgen. :-D

Chief Political Right Hand Woman to Ceo, Founder and First Member of The Movement to Free Oompa Loompa Land from the Tryanicall Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka

Dragon's picture


very great

~dragon fairy~

JB's picture

Part Six: The Undiscovered Virgin

we last left out gay jetsetters on their way to rescue jeff from evil Mr M.

Somewhere over the Midwest The gang received a much needed refresher course from JB on how to not spill a drink on a moving plane or in a car. (Bar walk 101 adapted for everyday use)

The Concorde touched down at LAX. where, Jazzer was supposed to be waiting for them. The gang waited at the check in area for what seemed like hour. finally Leisa, with her "closets are for clothes" Tshirt decided to steal and ATT Wireless phone for JB to reprogram and get free service, Leisa then called DiamondDog. who in turn said she would be there to pick them up. 20 mins later in the back of a dream car 20 foot long the gang were on their way to Disney where they had a good tip that Jeff was being held hostage under the tea cups. at the mere mention of the Tea cups Linds started to get all bothered ;) Jules meanwhile was nto impressed that Disney was now smoke free. so Jules and her toys elected to stand gaurd at the outside gat for any thing that mite be amiss, that and she needed to set up her solar panels so Margaret would actually nake a noise.

The gang split up. JB & Adrian set off to look in the "ball room" and Linds & NYC boy set off to investigate the teacups. Leisa and Etgen and his curls went skipping off holding hands and singing showtunes to the nearest cotton candy vender. they were going to make sure the cotton candy was not drugged.

Meanwhile Dragon and Rachelle, had stayed at the plane to gaurd the hot top, they had been warned once again about the no sex in the champaign room, but to no avail. Tiki and Hol se off with tiki's juggs and set off into the crowds to see if she could here any whisps of noise from jeff. How hol could hear anything besides the Hip coming from her Cd played was anyones guess.

Jeff, meanwhile, had been tied to the bed for days. he had first thought the hook up was about S&M and then scat after a couple days. now he didnt quite know what the hook up was about, but he knew that if he didn't get the ass he was promised he would freak out and scream like frank on tradeing spaces. Mr M. had been busy, he has made another ransome demand. this time he had hacked JJ and Rileys IM accounts and changed thier profiles to small ransome notes. JJ and Riley were not impressed. Being on the east coast and the gang being now on the west coast, they stole a blue convertable and set off on a cross country tour thelma and louise style.

Meanwhile back in Phil, Metrored was following the groups progress, or lack thereof, and was formulateing a plan of his own. useing some of his fmaily contacts he began to make some calls.

The search for Jeff at disney came to a startleing halt as their was an anouncement over the PA system for the "Jeff Avengers" to report to the security office. Tiki and Hol were first to arrive, they were infromed the JB and Adrian had been cuaght fucking like rabits under the bleachers buy mickey mouse who had decided to join in. if it wasn't for that bitch Mini finding them and getting jealous they would have had a wicked threesome.

The gang decided to call it a day and head back to Diamond dogs house and hang out untill Jazzer showed up. Jazzer did sow up eventually, around 9 pm. he stated he had found a giant swiss horn in the woods. JB simply replied "jazzer you ignorant Slut"

While staying at Diamond dogs house, her parents who were oblivious to the gangs flare for same sex fucking, stated that everyone could stay the nite but boys and girls would have to sleeps eperate. this was fine with everyone....

The boys were off to the guest house and Adrian and NYC boy started fucking as soon as they got inside. Jb set his eyes on Etgen, they started to kiss, and Jb moved his hand down to etgens ass and started massageing it... "I've Never Done This Before" He stammered...

next episode--- the gang finds Mr M at a celeberity orgy...

Leisa's picture


It just keeps getting better and better!

Chief Political Right Hand Woman to Ceo, Founder and First Member of The Movement to Free Oompa Loompa Land from the Tryanicall Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka

Leisa's picture


Yay! For picking up Diamonddog!

Chief Political Right Hand Woman to Ceo, Founder and First Member of The Movement to Free Oompa Loompa Land from the Tryanicall Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka

linds's picture


wonderful update... had no idea Margaret was solar-powered?! And I probably got sick on the teacups, unfortunately -- I'm not good with rides like that. Sigh. But yeah, bothered ;)


Special Envoy to Tea-Drinking Nations for The Movement To Free Oompa Loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalistic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates

Rachelle is still Great's picture


Wow...I'm blushing. Was I any good, Dragon? (Hah! Like I need to ask)

Dragon's picture

Oh yeah, you were awesome bab

Oh yeah, you were awesome babe. Meet me tonight in the hot tub.

~dragon fairy~

Ps. As always JB, it keeps getting better!

jules's picture

The Vibe Improvements

Margaret makes good noise, but solar panels would definitely beat what I spend on batteries.



Historian of The Movement To Free Ommpa loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates

hol's picture


"sometimes i feel so good i got to scream..."
Nothing like a little new orleans is sinking to make a monday morning.

I need to go to a hip concert. I haven't been to one since 1997, when the joint fell out of Natasha's boot. And people in the west call THE HIP, THE TRAG, and that is a tragedy.


RoaG's picture

Hey! I've been around a year

Hey! I've been around a year! How come no one thought of me??

Dragon's picture


I dunno, hon, you've been around longer than I have!!

~dragon fairy~

JB's picture

Part Seven: Where no man has gone before!

We last left our hero's having a sleepover at Diamond Dogs house and Etgen loosing his cherry. Two moon cycles have passed since...

The search for Jeff has seemed to come to a dead end. Things are not looking good. Dragon has since been taken away by a publishing company and racehlle too, as the evil Mr M. has copyrighted them. Because Adrian has not provided the source code for Aosis to Evil Mr M.

The gang had been flying around the world looking for Jeff. all the leads have dried up. The gang has left no bottle of lube unused and checked every gay bar in north america. THis iwas no small feat, but thains to some GHB they got it done.

Meanwhile, Back in Philly Metrored has locked himself in his room and has charts and diagrams everywhere, the seemingly ilogical nature is only known to him.... perhaos the red spots on the wall inspired them...

Jeff has been in captivity for serveral months now. He was let go from hi retraints and is now being kept and a very comfortable basement room in a rancher style house. HE is afforded a tv, but no Cable. He is however forced to watch Regis and Kelly every morning at 10. The evil Mr M. See's to this. For jeff this is pure torture, almost as bad as sunday nighst when he is forced to watch re-runs of King Of The Hill.

THe gang receives a phone call from Boy George, Who informs him that his vast intellegence netwrok of Camp movie stars has her rumbleings of a "Mr. M" shooting a movie somewheres in northern Washington state. The gang fires up the Concorde, Tiki, adjusts her jugs, and Margaret is hastily put away back into her felt covered carry case.

They Arrive in Seatle to some fog. Adrian immediately starts to complian that its making his hair "frizzy" Hol tells him to get over it, and hands him a mini bottle of Ky. Adrian is entrranced buy the minature bottle... he then asks JB how one would use so little during sex... Jb did not reply, Oly rolled his eyes and took Etgens hand and went off to the Airport bar for a stiff drink ;)

Leisa with her "Closets are for clothes" ensemble, decided to poke around some of the airport hangers as the gang waits for their limo to come pick them up. Leisa finds a Smalle one engeined plane that is being packed with camping gear. ON the side of the plane is a logo stenciled in... "lesbian outdoor club and muff diving experience"
Leisa was entranced. Almost liek a gold digger.... She started to talk to whom she thought were men, but turne out to be hairy lesbians with deep voices, she took a promotional pamplet.

The limo arrived to pick the gang up. luckily the limo had been freshly stocked with booze. The gang recalling thier bar 101 class adapted to limo's lesson never spilled a single drop anywheres in the limo. Jules was suspiciously quite as she smoked her king sized marlboro's... "Space Needle" she said.

The gang reached the Space needle and NYC boy had an idea, to cover the needle in a giant condom! Linds asked him how he proposed to build such a condoms and then even how to deploy it! "Leave that to me" he said. and disappeard into the crowd of toursists.

Just then The bat phone rang and JB found Boy George on the other end. And was informed that Mr M was with a group of lesbian outdoor enthusiests. Leisa then piped up with her promotional flyer!

The gang was off, 2 hours East of Seattle the gang found thier limo on a dirty old logging road tha opened up into a clearing that had obviously been cleared for the small lesbian plane to land. The gang piled out of the limo, Adrian adorns the ceremonial Boa and JB mixed a Martini and walked oevr to talk to The group of what looked like a rag tag band of propane salesmen.

Upon closer inspection, JB and Adrian realized the men were infact lesbians, scarey looking ones at that! they became angry as soon as Adrian introced himself. They pushed adrian and JB down on the ground and started to kick them. JB of course never spilling a drop of his martini, managed to help adrian on his feet and re-treat to the limo wher ethe rest of the gang hideing out. In the safety of the Limo Hol and Linds had been in awe at the behavior at some fellow sappho's. once in the Limo adrian realized his Fetaher boa had been picked clean of feathers... The angry lesbian outdoor enthusiats started to shake the limo as the gang hid out inside. IN shakeing the limo thet made the sode for the gin and tonic get fizzy and thus render it uselss for drinks. This angered Hol. Hol jumped out of the limop and started to pour it all over on angy lesbian in particular. she immedicatly started to scream "i'm melting" she wasn't really of course, she was just a drama queen. Hol, feeling high form this jumped back in the limo and as she did so the gang noticed that the lesbian plane was prepareing for take off.... there was a dark shadowy figure ushered into the plane. The gang jumped out of the limo and started to run towards the plane, in hopes of catcing Evil Mr M, and finding where jeff is. The planed zoomed over thier heads and off into the distance.

With the plane gone, There was a group of Five lesbians left. The gang quickly retreated back to the limo and instructed the driver to "step on it" but the limo had gotton stuck n the mud created fomr when Hol poured the Soda all over the melting lesbian....

to be continued

Jillie's picture


Even in the fun world of Oasis I'm stuck at Evil Vancouver Island Homophobic Boarding School. Besides that, excellent story.

Dragon's picture


Oh no... I'm gone... *tear* Rescue us soon you crazy lot, and don't have too much fun without me!!!

~dragon fairy~

Barralai's picture

Another old issue worth bring

Another old issue worth bringing back to the front page
"Barralai, I have to say, you're probably the most arrogant, selfish bastard I've ever come across. And that's saying a lot, because I'm usually quite nice."