oh god.....i need help pleaseeeee.....

stupidkidbackthen's picture

ok so yeah, last night my BEST friend's (since 6th grade and im a freshman in college) boyfriend IMs me. Which isnt abnormal, because we've become friends too. He was acting really nervous and not making much sence. So i'm like "Eddie, would you just tell me whats wrong" So he spits out that fact that he's GAY! And while there is absolutly NOTHING wrong with that, i freaked out because he is my BEST FRIEND'S BOYFRIEND of 6 months. I knew that Rebecca (my best friend) would be hurt, but i just didnt know what to say. I mean i think he HAS to tell her! HE wants me to do it!! And i just dont think thats my place. But at the same time i dont think i can lie (by ommision) by NOT telling her. What do you guys think?? Should I tell her, or force him to do it?

Another thing is that he wants to STAY with her, using her basicly as a cover, because hes not comming out of that closet anytime soon, and i just don't think thats fair to my friend, because shes already falling for him. And while he says he loves her, he can never fully give himself to her for one simple reason; SHE DOESNT HAVE A PENIS! (his words not mine, so dont get mad at me if ur offended) So i just feel like im really stuck between a rock and a hard place here. Please help me....



Tiki's picture

Frying pans, fires and other cliches, and some advice!

The worst thing about when someone you think of as a best friend puts you between a rock and a hard place, is that my best friend would actually find 'a rock and a hard place' really funny and laugh a beavis and butthead laugh about it for hours and not care that I was in an awkward position. Then, if I pointed that out, my best friend would laugh at the fact that I said 'position'. He would be thoroughly unconcerned that he'd left me to re-enter the world with knowledge I JUST SHOULDN'T HAVE about people I SPENT A LOT OF TIME WITH!!!! But that's my personal baggage and I'll move on now.

Seems like you've got a few choices - but NONE of them should be that YOU come out FOR this guy!

Option 1: The emotional blackmail by accident approach: Did you ever see that season of Friends where Monica and Chandler are secretly dating and Joey has to keep the biggest secret of his life? Yeah, and you were laffin' then, weren'tcha? Hehehe...

Option 2: The Oprah Winfrey approach: Through cunning use of active listening and conflict resolution techniques which you have developed in a lesbian empowerment class, you visit with the couple in question and soothingly guide them through an amicable outing and resolution.

Option 3: The Jerry Springer approach: Through cunning us of active bitching and conflict instigation techniques which you have developed after the city cut funding for your lesbian empowerment class, you visit with the couple in question and cruelly cajole them through a heartwrenching outing and break-up.

Option 4: The La-la-la I can't hear you approach: What? What's that? Sorry, buddy, I can't hear ya cos I'm listening to mah headphones and if Alkaline Trio didn't write it, it didn't happen, kid!
Warning: This approach is for the seriously emotionally detatched.

Option 5: The Four Weddings and a Funeral approach: As per your basic Hugh Grant in said film, stutter and splutter in a charming way until your deaf brother (or someone) rushes in with an 11th hour 'I thought of a third option'. This seems to be the approach you're taking by posting the entire debacle on Oasis. Well done, m8!

thoughtsinelectricblu's picture

My thoughts!

If I were in that position I would do everything in my power to convince that guy to tell her...if that doesn't work and he continues the charade with your friend, without her knowledge...I'd have to tell her. I wouldn't do it with the attitude that I was outing him to her as a favor...I would take the position that this is what this guy you are dating is doing. He doesn't have the Kahunas to tell you and I hate to see you get hurt when/if he comes out of the closet. Besides a scene like that has the potential to get very ugly if any major amount of time goes by without her knowing. And there are far worse ways for her to find out, than from you.

My main concern would be that my friend has the right to live her life and move on from a relationship that evidently is only meaningfully one sided.


Gone to find myself, If I get back before I return...Please keep me here!