Out Life

Mercy's picture

I'm a questioning 14 year old Canadian,and I'm trying to figure out what being a lesbian would mean to me, and how it would affect my life, and the lives of the poeple I know and love.
I was wondering if you guys could tell me about your experiences in how your friends and family took the news, how it effect them, how many people you're out too, whether or not people think differently about you and why and how, and whether or not you have to deal with a lot of discrimination and from who.
I think it'd be helpful to me in figuring out for sure how I feel and what I need to prepare myself for...Thanks


marcelle42's picture

Sure thing :-) I'm 20, and I'

Sure thing :-) I'm 20, and I'm bisexual. I realized I was bisexual around my 15th birthday (it was the week Ellen came out when I realized I couldn't hide from myself anymore). About a month later, I came out to my best friend, who was 100% supportive and wonderful, although I was fucking terrified. I gradually came out to other friends, some teachers. At this point, all my friends know. They're totally supportive. I'm the activism director of my Gay Student Union, where my girlfriend is the Vice President. Life at college is good. I'm mostly out to my teachers, since I usually am doing academic work about gay issues and some queer theory. I don't think most people think differently of me... certainly the people who matter don't. I have my queer little life, and I love it.

Things are not quite so good with my parents... I came out last January to them, and we haven't really talked about it. They were not pleased, to say the least, and are not dealing with it at all. It makes me sad, but I'm hoping it will either get better, or I will learn to deal with it better.

Coming out is scary... no doubt about it. But so so SOOO worth it, in my opinion. I am a different person from the very scared, insecure high school girl who was leading two (or three, or four) different lives. I can finally be myself, and know that there are people who love me for who I am, and that means the world to me. Good luck, honey, whatever you decide to do.


Lyssa's picture

on coming out...

im 15 years old and im bisexual...i knew since i was about 13 i was bisexual but kept it to myself for about 2 years....is started to come out last year..the first person i told was my best friend/crush...she was wiked supportive of me and at the same time came out to me as well....wich made things even easier for me.... after i told her i told one of my teachers who was also supportive and helped me to tell my friends who i was nervous to tell....i slowely started to tell my close friends and all of them were kool about it....
my parents tho were a diff. story....i never intended to tel them en thing...but one day my mom sat me down and flat out asked me...she told me she saw this website along with planetout.com and thats y she wanted to kno....i told her and she was kinda wierded out at first...asking me about my friends and wut i may have done witht hem or neone else....it took her a few days to kinda process things....but now shes kool with it...i havent told her about my girlfriend now..or ne of my past girlfriends....im still afraid she might flip...so im keepin it on the DL untill im sure shell b kool with it....
but listen...dont let ne one pressure u into coeming otu or labeling....its one of those things u need to do on ur own time...it cant be rushed...

adbak's picture

Wicky Woo! My turn.

I'm 18 and gay. I've pretty much known that i was gay since i was about 5 or so but i never really had a label for it. I first came out during my freshman year at high school (i was 14 then) to one of my friends and she was 100% supportive. And we became such good friends after that that people thought we were going out. Pfft, what little did they know! After that i slowly started coming out to more and more of my friends and each one was supportive.

On September 12, 2002 my school had a callout meeting for a Gay-Straight Alliance and after attending that meeting, i was so full of pride that i had to put a rest to my parents' suspicions and tell them. I told my parents after i told my friends because i could stand losing my friends but, as corny as this may sound, i would not be able to stand losing my parents. After i told them, things weren't as peachy keen as they are now. I remember my mom telling me that "this is just one of those things i wish you didn't tell me." I didn't pay too much attention to that because i knew that if i dwelled on it that i would go deeper into my depression. Sure enough, a few days later she apologized, and now all is well...for the most part at least.

I hope this helps you in any possible way and good luck when you come out. And i think you'll find out that being a lesbian won't change your life, only your outlook and others' outlook.

JB's picture


I am from Canada too.

I did the secret gay life away from my family for a bit, I think its a rite of passage, I am out to them now, Its all good. BUt now that I have over come my party days, I have realized there is more to being me then just being Gay. I am A Guy who just happens to like sucking cock, but I am a person first.

DiamondDog's picture

Well, I'm 18 and out in CA.

Well, I'm 18 and out in CA.

My outing process has been extended. I figured myself out as gay when I fell in love with a senior my freshmen year. This is totally normal, but at an all girls school, that limits the gender down a bit. I wrote a lot and thought things over. Then I fully came out to myself and over the years, it's followed to other people.

It's hard everytime you come out. It's harder to come out to people who know you as straight. To people I don't know, it's a million times easier.

As for my parents, my mom seems to know. My dad is a bit over religious so I'm waiting on that for the right time.

greyboi's picture

Your have friends here. We are willing to talk.

I'm 18. I came out to my parents at 16, through my mother's coercion. I come from a fundamentalist Pentecostal/Bapist family, so they immediately told me that I was "going to hell". I learned later that not all Christian felt that way and that there were many ways of interpreting the Bible. I learned the hard way that God loves all people no matter what and that there are some things that he creates and chooses not to change about you (http://www.whosoever.org/).

My coming out experience wasn't all that great, but I have learned that this is not always the case and that most parents accept their gay children for who they are, religious and non-religious( http://www.familyacceptance.org/).

All I say is take you time, don't be pressured into labeling yourself. It's fine to be questioning, even if it takes a few years to fully figure yourself out. There is no pressure to be gay and there is no pressure to come out. Every flower blooms in its own season.

Mercy's picture


Thanks for all the feedback and support. I'm really glad that there are places like Oasis where I can figure myself out without worrying about taunting and negative repercussions in my life. You guys are awesome.
I think that it's going to take me a while to really be sure, and it probably wouldn't hurt me to have a boyfriend or girlfriend before I decide to 'label' myself. Either way, next year I start high school and I'm told that there are actually out kids there, which are basically non-existant in Jr. high. That should be helpful. I've been tryin to find out if there is an alliance that the high school, but no word yet.
I don't really know how my friends here would take someone being gay, but I do know that some really close friends of mine in Ontario are extremely homophobic and feel that it's morally wrong to be gay, so I need to figure out a way to deal with them. Hopefully, my family will be supporti; my mom's got a gay cousin who she has no problem with, so thats good, but even so, I don't know who 'd tell first. Maybe my older brother, but I'm not really sure if he'd be trustworthy. Anyways,thanks again. You guys rock!


greyboi's picture

Some Advice

Sometimes it's easier to come out to sibings, when you aren't ready to tell your parents. Though I told my parents first, my siblings, surprisingly were the most accepting. My little brother still doesn't understand me being gay, but he has learned to accept it. My sister thinks it's "cool", and we talk about guys together, especailly Tom Welling off of Smallville. Though, I'm sure Kristian Kreuk may be of interest to the female crowd.

matrix's picture

hey hey

hey im 14 too and from canada do do doooo (eerie music lol) im out to my family and some of my friends. i've found that i've grown closer to my friends that im out too. we can have a whole bunch of inside jokes that noone else gets. it great. haha one of my friends and I even made a rainbow pride song. so far i havent met any other gay kids i know of some but i dont know them. my family took it alright. only my mom talks about it. sometimes she is cool about it and sometimes she not. mostly its all good. i'm a lot happier since i've come out and i even have a little romantic relationship lol not official but still good. dont feel any pressure to come out to fast or come out at all. jsut dont deny anything from yourself. good luck!
where are you in canada?

JB's picture


I am from Halifax!

Mercy's picture

I'm in Calgary, Alberta, but

I'm in Calgary, Alberta, but I was born in Manitoba, and I've lived in Ontario, too...