Puberty the second time 'round...

transalex's picture

Testosterone, injected into a female body, causes a second puberty. Remember how fun puberty was the first time around? Not at all, right? Well, the second time around, when, for folks like me, it's the right puberty, it's actually fun, believe it or not. The acne for me, thank the gods, isn't that bad (thank you dad for your good skin!). My shoulders are broadening, my voice dropping, I'm getting hairy, it's great.

The voice is the most noticable thing right now. When classes started last Tuesday, most people probably thought I had a bad cold if they didn't know what was up. But it's steadily dropping, even in just a week's time. It cracks and squeaks, for which my friends good-naturedly must tease me. It drops, and I can finally hear my own voice without cringing. Before last month, I had a high, girly voice. Now there's absolutely nothing wrong with that if you're a girl. But I'm not a girl - I'm a guy with a female body. So while the rest of me is pretty male-appearing, and was even before I started T (testosterone, as it's referred to in the trannyboy community), my voice would pop up any time I spoke as a female marker. It made me cringe, and I spoke as little as possible unless around friends. Now I can speak to strangers and not have to worry. I just sound... like me. I still sound like I have a cold, I think, just because it's still in the process of dropping, yet that is fine with me. Whereas I used to have a pretty good range for an alto, hitting most soprano notes even, I now have a voice that can't hit most alto notes. I have to drop down an octave to sing along with my favorite artists (Indigo Girls), but I'm at the right range for other groups that I like (Perfect Circle, Third Eye Blind, etc.). I can't tell if I'm a baritone or bass yet. I don't think I'm high enough for tenor... but frankly it's been so long since I've been in a chorus that I can't really tell. *grin*

It's an interesting thing, watching your body change. As I talked with a friend last semester about being trans, he pointed out that the spirit (as he put it) made this body, this body with its uterus and breasts and vagina. He's right. But now, as this body becomes more masculine, I can feel as if it isn't just a body, but my body. I am at home in my own skin for the first time since I was eight years old. This tall, thick, fat body is finally mine, thanks to a second puberty. Ah, the wonders of modern technology. An injection a week, done in my room, to myself. I never thought I could do something like that, but the very joy of feeling these changes in me is enough to give me strength to needle myself every Monday. Who ever thought I could like Mondays?

Comments

Beryl's picture

glad

I just wanted to say that while I don't really understand were your coming from, (Im a bi girl and I like it) I think its really great that your finding a way to be happy with yourself, and that things are coming together for you. I've never really talked to a trans person, so I don't know much more than the bare basics about it, but good luck and all that because you sound like a cool person and Im happy for you. ^-^

amy's picture

:P

im happy for you :P

RoaG's picture

:) I'm a bi girl too... but I

:) I'm a bi girl too... but I've started coming out today as of... 6th period. And, well, it's a damn good feeling.

Yay for feeling like you can finally be yourself! :) Happy trails...