Return To Hell

out of the flames's picture

Ever since i came out to my parents my life has changed a lot. They doubt me soo much that i find myself know doubting myself too. I know if i begin to doubt myself my life is gonna get a lot worse. For a while the only thing keeping me semi strong was my very firm understanding of myself. But now as i start to lose that i can almost see myself traveling back in time. I didn't eat for a couple of days and i cut again. I know i am never gonna be able to truly kick either of those, but i thought i had enough control to not do them. i think that power and control came from really knowing who i am, and if i begin to start losing that sense than all hell is going to break lose, and i like being at peace. I don't want the hell to return.

Comments

thoughtsinelectricblu's picture

Just a thought...

Fight this. Recognize how you felt and where you were before you told them. Try taking hold of that feeling again and set it in motion like a snowball at the top of a mountain. You took responsibility for yourself and who you are by coming out to your parents. Take pride in that. You are the only person responsible for you and your feelings.
Jason

Gone to find myself, If I get back before I return...Please keep me here!

adbak's picture

After I came out to my parents...

After I came out to my parents, things were weird between us. I remember my mom saying, "This is something I wish we didn't know." A few days later she came and apologized. Don't fret over this, it's not their life to live for you, it's yours to use as you like.

This may sounds self-righteous, and thats because it is, but you should realize that they are the ones at fault, not you. If you must, brush off their comments and blame it on their ignorancy. This is your chance to show them that homo/bi/transsexuals aren't what they think they are.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." Mahandas Gandhi