"that's so gay"

Tiki's picture

how do i stop it? should i bother? losing battle?
i'm losing the words and the will to shut ppl up when they use gay when they mean shit. esp. ppl i'm not out to.

blindlove's picture

when people say something lik

when people say something like "thats so gay", just ask them what they mean by "gay". Be serious though about getting an answer, start a conversation, let them understand why it is wrong. This way you will not be telling them not to say it, you will just be explaining to them why it is wrong and they will probably decide not to say it anymore on their own. Or they'll get annoyed and not say it around you anymore to aviod a lecture.

Jesse Joseph's picture


I can understand straight people wanting to reclaim their word. If they used "Gay" to mean "light-hearted" "bright" "cheerfull" I would not have a problem. But some of my freinds use it in a derogetory fashion. When it applies to something that is, addmitedly, rather gay [like Sailor Moon for example] I don't have a problem with it. But it is when they use it on something not having anything to do what-so-ever with sexual preference [like "wait, this was recorded by the Cincinati Symphony Orchestra?" "yeah I know, it's kinda gay"] that is when it bothers me.

I am reminded of a line from the simpsons. Nelson admits to his freinds that he kissed Lisa, and they respond with "You kissed a girl?!! that's SO gay"

eTgen's picture

Once upon a time...

Someone pointed out a guys blue shirt and so "my god that's gay." And so I said. "Oh my god, seriously. I saw it with another blue shirt- I mean they could at least have gotten a room, honestly. What is up with these damn blue shirts"

The someone did not catch the irony.
So I laughed because he was so stupid. And sometimes that all you got to do: laugh at the stupidity of the ignorant.


CEO, President, Founder, and sole member of:

The Movement To Free Ommpa loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates


DiscSpinnerDude's picture


Holy crap I love this. Bwahahah.

What's a signature?

JB's picture

My Title

Thats rite! Free the Oompa loompa's!

make willy wonka submit to UN Inspections for weapons of mass weight gain and Human Right to cheap candy!

Vice President and Drug Tsar of The Movement To Free Ommpa loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates

"Young Hearts Run Free"

greyboi's picture

Not just the Ommpa Loompas!

Did you see what Wonka did to all those kids he invited? Every time one of them disobeyed him or ate the candy when he told them not to, he murdered them!

1.) That poor little fat boy got kicked (watch the film and actually look at Wonka's foot!) into the pool of Chocolate and Wonka pulled the lever and liquidated his butt!

2.) That snobbish daughter of the factory owner refuse to get up from the couch reserved for golden egg-laying hens. What did Wonka do? He let her pull a lever without warning her beforehand (he did "warn" her, but in such a way to tempt her into pulling it anyway) that she was going to be sent to a furnace where "bad eggs" go.

3.) The rich daughter of the banker tasted some of his genetically modified (GMO) products and she blew up into a giant blue berry and kept growing. They shipped her off, but somewhere in the back of your mind, you just know she exploded when you hear a thud coming from the wall.

4.) The movie-star-and-child-actor son of a female Texas ranger shrank himself to a few inches on one of Wonka's devices. There was no warning sign present to tell him about its purpose, so he assumed it was just another part of Wonka's "safe" exhibits. Wonka, knowing full well what would happen, just sat back and watched and laughed.

5.) Toward the end we see Wonka in his office writing up his plan to kill Charlie and Grandpa. Charlie enters and is greeted with his rage. The poor kid apologizes and leaves the ever-lasting gobbstopper he stole on the man's desk. Suddenly, in a very bi-polar and manic fashion, Wonka leaps up in exuberance and tell the young lad that he is proud of him and will be handing his factory over to him.

One more thing, at the very beginning, we see every parent and child being forced to sign a liability waiver. THis should have been enough foreshadowing to let you know beforehadn the true nature of Mr. Wonka.

I rate this movie EK-13: "Everyone gets killed if they're under 13."


-- Grey

Tiki's picture

why i'm all wound up in the first place.

i wrote a letter to the editor of a magazine -this is what i'm on about. it's my latest blog entry.

Dreaming of the Blue Hawaiian Diner...

amy's picture

When people say 'thats so gay

When people say 'thats so gay' i usualy respond with'wow me too!' I love to see their reactions :P

Carve me Mold me Make me Pretty

linds's picture

I hate it...

I sort of "half came out" to my brother earlier than I intended, because every time he or my stepsiblings said that, I'd say, "Use a different set of words, please" in my best "I'm-going-to-be-a-professor" voice. So when I actually told him, "You know I'm a lesbian, right?" he was able to say, "Duh. No one else yells at me for saying that things are gay."

Which really says something about widespread homophobia. My father is very supportive of me, but he never takes my brother to task for saying that. It's so pervasive that I hear it all the time. And I die a little inside, too, when someone says that. I've gone up to students here I don't know, and told them to find better language to use. (Didn't make me popular, but it sure as hell made me feel better.)

I haven't found a way to stop this without more or less outing yourself. What's going to happen, if you correct someone's language, they'll assume you're gay until proven otherwise. Now if it's true, you've outed yourself. But it only matters if you really care what others are assuming.

I have a friend (he sometimes comments on my stuff here) who runs message boards on his own site. A few people said that "such and such is so gay" and when I saw it, I complained. He added a filter to the message board that replaced "that's so gay" with "I'm so lame." So even if you wrote that something was "gay", when it was posted it read differently.

I got a real kick out of that.

Or, the following. putting on best petulant diva voice, Loudly: "That is so heterosexual!"

I get a kick out of this, too. It kind of has a decent rhythm, if you say it the right way.


JB's picture


most people who say something is "gay" are not homophobic, but just ignorant. ask them why they say that? they have no idea

"Young Hearts Run Free"

greyboi's picture

Rod Stewart?

Did you take that quote from good 'ole Rod's song Young Turks?:

Young hearts, be free tonight
Time is on your side...
Don't let 'em get you down,
Dont let 'em push you around,
Don't let 'em ever change your point-of-view!"

I know the song is about a pair of hetero teens who unintentionally get pregnant and run away from home, but the song's basic theme is about not succombing to rejection and staying true to your feelings. It sends the message that being young is hard for everybody and that some are forced to grow-up earlier than expected in this world. Basically it sorta said, "Things will get better, no matter how troubled the times may get." I listened to this (MP3) regularly and it aided in my own coming-out process.

JB's picture



The song is from the QAF sountrack, starts off as an opera-ish balad and then sqings into a dance tune. very good. the mp3 name i have it as is "young hearts run free, romeo & julliette version

Vice President and Drug Tsar of The Movement To Free Ommpa loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates

greyboi's picture

I guess...

I guess that must be Volume Two, because I have volume 1 and that song isn't on the CD. I know there are two volumes out. I just haven't bothered to get off my lazy rear and get the other.

Tiki's picture


linds you make me laugh

Dreaming of the Blue Hawaiian Diner...

blindlove's picture

my two stories on subject

i was in the hall one day and heard these guys say "thats so gay" then i heard someone who i dont really know, but i know she's straight say, "hey! i don't like that choice of words", and then when she walked away one of the guys asked his freind if she was gay. It really made me happy that this straight person had the guts to be outed as gay because of something she beleived in.
now my other story, so i was on the metro(washington d.c) with my odd hippy freinds and there were these very thugish type people who asked us "are you like on the peace commity or something?", and told os we were "sooo gay", our response (in a very condescending voice) "you guys are so heterosexual, and yes we are on the peace commity, thank you". they were so confused that they couldnt think of anything to say.

Tiki's picture


so this letter - u read it - tell me! i want to send it but i'm still scared - does it make sense that i'm not coming out but still dont' want people to use that language? and linds, i have had the exact same experiences as you telling people not to say it.

Dreaming of the Blue Hawaiian Diner...

greyboi's picture

Use an appropriate analogy... It might get results.

I have a straight friend in college who is a Jewish rabbi, and he knows full and well that I am gay. One day he sort of slipped and said it, forgetting that I was there. I snapped back at him and said, "That's sooo Jewish! Just Jew-ing ya boy!" Needless to say, he got the point. Since he knew what it was like to be scruitinized because of his ethnicity and religion, he could see where the pain was coming from when such a thing happened to me. It's been 4 months, and I haven't heard him use the phrase since.

Dragon's picture

I agree with Etgen: "Someone

I agree with Etgen: "Someone pointed out a guys blue shirt and so "my god that's gay." And so I said. "Oh my god, seriously. I saw it with another blue shirt- I mean they could at least have gotten a room, honestly. What is up with these damn blue shirts""

I do the same thing, it earns me weird looks, but hey, alot I do does that. *grin*


perplexed's picture

I'm not sure that the backlas

I'm not sure that the backlash against the expression "that's so gay" isn't similar to the uproar over the word "niggardly". Growing up in Montreal, the expression "c'est tellement gai" (literally it's so merry but anglicized as that's so gay)was used to describe family activities at Christmas. Consequently, I have always thought that the expression "that's so gay" was picked up by teenagers as a sarcastic way of saying something is not fun (ie. what is fun for a six-year old is probably not exciting to a teenager)and is not a slight against gays at all.

suffragettecity's picture


The similarity between "niggardly" and the n-word is just a coincidence, since the etymology of the former goes back to the Anglo-Saxon word for greedy ("hneaw"; cognates include Icelandic "hnoeggr" and Swedish "njugg" - thank you dict.org) whereas the latter is derived from the Latin word for black. So, I think the backlash against the word is a little misinformed.

However, "that's so gay" is different. I'm a little more thick-skinned than I used to be, and it doesn't really bug me as much as it used to, but it's still homophobic, and using it equates "gay" (i.e. homosexual, not merry) with something bad in the minds of people who still use that phrase. I think a lot of people just use that because it's become so entrenched in the English language; there was one time my cousin, who's not homophobic at all, used it without thinking, but immediately apologized.

"Sometimes a little brain damage helps."
-- George Carlin

BakedMilk's picture

People usually use "gay" to a

People usually use "gay" to apply to things, not activities. And the use of "gay" to mean "merry" is pretty obscure nowadays, especially to younger people. The original meaning has been almost entirely co-opted by the slang.

Deformed Emotion's picture

The best way

The best way I have found to stop people using it is to turn around and say "that's so straight"

*One day stupid ppl will rule and I shall be your leader*

Vince's picture

...stupid heteros...

...stupid heteros...

just kidding

FlyflewAway's picture

i say it...

theres time where i do say it but ive held back

i like that "that's so straight" comment =]

Your my sunshine after the rain
`to bad its still rainin babe.
--A kidd

Army_your_green's picture

that makes me soooo annoyed!!!!!!

I am currently having that battle with people in my ceramics class. they use that world at least two or three times in a class. Lately they have been asking me if I am gay because I keep defending gays. But i am a coward and continually deny it.

we were all the same, life would be boring

Paladin's picture

I wish I could stop it, but g

I wish I could stop it, but getting rid of it is similar to getting rid of homophobia: a very long way away. The origin of the new meaning of gay is in homophobic attitudes, and the only way we can stop it is by stopping homophobia.

One of my friends who I'm out to uses it all the time, and even though he said he wouldn't (after I told him to stop) he still does. In his case, he would have issues with me being gay, but he avoids them by refusing to reason out and accept the consequences of what it means. Of course, if he was to actually think about what being gay really meant, he probably wouldn't be a homophobe.

saweeeetttt's picture

I don't think you should let

I don't think you should let people saying "thats so gay" bother you. No matter what, people are going to continue to say it. And for the most part, when they say it, they mean "thats so stupid" It has just become the new way of saying that. I understand how it can offend you but im just saying how i feel. I am a lesbian and I know that I have said it before. I hear people saying it and it doesn't bother me at all. There are people out there that do mean it in a homophobic way or in a cruel way. But for the most part, its uesd as a common phrase when you don't agree with something. Letting it bother you will only make it worse each time you hear it.

Paladin's picture

It bothers me because the dou

It bothers me because the double (triple, actually) meaning of the word gay will only make homophobia more prevalent. Somehow I don't think that in a world free of homophobia it would be said; I've never heard "that's so black" or something similar said.

Vince's picture

my bestest straight friend ha

my bestest straight friend has known that i am gay for a loong time... but didnt say anything but as soon as i told him he said that he knew and he has been trying to stop saying 'thats gay' and i swooned... anyways i know gay guys that say 'thats gay' and i want to hit them... it just kinda is insulting it is implying that homosexuality is bad or something to curse and we all know it isnt. love-vinnie-

perplexed's picture

Using the expression "that's

Using the expression "that's so gay" to refer to 'things' is clearly very offensive. Perhaps I have been out of school too long but when I was in junior high (in Canada) we only used that expression to refer to 'activities'. Still, given the flurry of activity since my first post, I will endeavour not to use that expression anymore.

FYI - junior high school teachers here are proactively trying to eradicate the expresssion from students' vocabulary

Agarwaen's picture

depends on the way it's used

I think actually that when most people say "that's so gay" they only say it not because it has any real meaning for them, only because it's so ingrained into modern language that it's become the "a-la-mode" way to say "that's stupid". Though some people actually do take "that's so gay" into context, like when talking about "effeminate" things, but mostly it's just used randomly. I've even heard some people say "that's so homosexual", and in an obviously derogatory way, in which case I definitely take offense.

"Je frissonne de peur quand tu me dit 'mon ange'... et cependent je sens ma bouche aller vers toi." ~ Baudelaire