Things I don't understand

marcelle42's picture

1) Why I just took the bisexual quiz, and it told me I was "Definitely not bisexual"... ummm, no. Wrong. Thank you for playing, please try again.

2) Why I woke up this morning and started worrying about having children, and explaining it to my mom, and being accused of being selfish or an unfit parent, and what if my mom tried to sue for custody because I'm queer? Why in the world do I worry about these things? I'm 20. There are no babies on the way. My mother is 6 hours away, I talk to her once a week, and I won't see her for another 3 weeks. I need to chill out.

This anxiety really worries me, since it was the worst thing about last summer, and it seems to be reoccuring at an increasing rate. Last summer I would take crazy things related to my sexuality (say, what to do if I got engaged to J, got a ring, and was invited over to my grandma's house for dinner... would I wear it? Would I come out first, or do it over dinner? If I didn't wear it, would J be mad at me?) and worry about them like crazy all day long. I would call J during my lunch break at work and cry with fear. This is all what drove me to seek counseling once I got back to school, and I don't know why it's happening again, albeit much less intensely. Grrr...

3) Why I feel so beat up by my Sociology class. We're studying conservative Christians and homosexuality, specifically measure 9 in Oregon, and while my prof. is gay, and the class really cool, we're watching videos and reading books where we consider a lot the conservative Christian viewpoint. And I'm just sick of going to a class I like, and listing to people (in the books and films) call me a freak. I'm usually pretty well-adjusted and can brush off most of this stuff, but I'm feeling everything today, this week. I'm sick of people thinking I'm dirty, I'm sick of fighting for the right to not get fired, I'm sick of fighting so hard just to be me... I don't really have another choice, and so I will keep fighting, but I am just really worn out from the battle today.

Comments

Tiki's picture

i hear ya buddy

:) hugs

JB's picture

speak up for yourself

1) perhaps you ar enot bisexual and are holding out as saying you ar eone in hopes of retaining some str8 part of "normalcy"

speak up for yourself in class.

marcelle42's picture

As far as class goes... no on

As far as class goes... no one is picking on me, we just can't study conservative Christians and gays without hearing the awful things conservative Christians say about gays... don't know why it's getting to me this week.

As far as #1 goes... I seriously hope you are joking.

transalex's picture

1) biphobia?

1) that sounds suspiciously like biphobia...

karen, sometimes it's just hard to let slide off our backs all the things that people like to say about queer people. it's normal. it's human. *hugs*

alex

"I'm never sure if I have gender dysphoria or species dysphoria. I often try to explain that I'm really a starfish trapped in a human body and I'm very new to your planet." ~ Patrick Califia

ahumancondition's picture

Harold---

"You can't let the world judge you too much." -Maude