Types of people you dated when you were 'heterosexual'

DiamondDog's picture

This post applies to those who dated the opposite sex before the realization of being gay or before actually coming out. For those of you who 'dated your first queer in the sixth grade' I doubt you'll be amused.

I read an article at Lesbianation that was about the connection between gays and lesbians.

The one things that struck me was when the author, a gay male noted that the five girls he dated in highschool all ended up being bisexual or lesbian and I thought about myself...I have dated several heterosexual men, but also there are a few gay guys up there and a few willing to admit slight bisexuality.

Is it possible that there is closet radar?

The idea that intrinsically you know you are gay but aren't willing to come out yet and are 'attracted' to other closeted homosexuals.

Does anyone else have some similar experiences?

JB's picture


Back when I had relations with girls, it was weird. One of the last girls I dated Turned out to be a big lesbian. we never knew about each other being Gay untill about 2 years after we finished that college. we now find it quite amuseing.

As for the sexuality status of the other ladies i shagged, I am uncertain. I would assume they are str8, and if they aren't they would never come out as to the best of my knowledge, they still live in the redneck town I grew up in.


So long And Thanks For All The Fish!

hol's picture


I don't necessarily think from my cock sucking days that I was wanking off queers, however, this little conversation *about* me may illuminate all that you want to know.

It's a September afternoon and I'm back from University at my mother's house. My girlfriend has also come in from out of town, and the parental residence is a halfway meeting point for us. This whole trip was inspired by two good friends, another lesbian couple, who had to attend a wedding in my hometown and were staying with us there too. Yes, it was a house overrun with dykes.

So I'm in the house with my gf, and the other lesbian couple are out in the pool swimming with my mother. And my mother, who still is making sense of me, asks them how their parents took their coming out.

dyke #1: it's a non-issue. they don't know, and i have no overwhelming urge to tell them. they're hardcore christian types (her brother is a 'healer' and makes people speak in tongues and stuff, or so he claims), and i would like to stay in the lives of my nieces and nephews for as long as possible.

dyke #2: well, my mom is okay. now. it was a little bit of a shock and adjustment, but she loves my partner, and it's all good.

my mother: yeah i don't know what to make of holly and such. i mean, this is sort of an unexpected turn of events (parental rule #1 -i must be dating you for a minimum of six months for your name to be mentioned, and i was not *dating* women then. they were there, just not named dropped in my mother's presence a la six month rule).

dyke #2: hazel (my mother). let's look at this for a minute.

the ensuing conversation was a 10 minute run down on all the men I had ever brought home, and a listing that basically summed up how non-manlike, effeminate....blah, blah, blah, basically, they deduced that all the men i had ever dated were actually women trapped inside of men's bodies. So really, in their minds, my heterosexual phase was a ruse that even the most insightful of them should have been able to see my true dykiness.

i think this is bloody hilarious, and pretty damn reductive, but a story that reduced my girlfriend and i into a giggle fit.

Are my male exs queers - no. Possibly bi men - maybe, but highly unlikely, as of last coversations with any of them, not that I know of.

Were they the type of men who would date an outspoken, articulate, intelligent, opinionated, feminist woman? Yes. And I think that in itself says something marvellous about my lovers.

~hol, who is tired of writing a thesis proposal, but loved writing this story

JB's picture


Damn! I hoped the T-Bone would have been gay. from the pics you showed me, I had Hoped, But Alas Mr T. is Str8.

So long And Thanks For All The Fish!

hol's picture

fuck me. too funny.

I can't believe that you're calling him T-bone....LOL....he's a brilliant intellectual. One of the one's who has thought about sleeping with men, but it doesn't do it for him. "If they were attractive to me, I would, but they're not," blech.


ahumancondition's picture


I dated a pretty, sensitive boy named Sam who later went on to join the navy, (as he scored remarkably high on the ASVAB.) I firmly believe he's a closeted homosexual, as I was myself at the time. Yes, this happens, it most assuredly happens.

Habit is the ballast that chains a dog to his vomit. - Samuel Beckett

vel's picture

It's a good theory

From my own experience of guys I've been attracted to, I would say most of them have been more "girly." Several of them I am pretty sure are gay or definately have the gay possibility now that I think about it, and the ones I'm not sure of usually had long hair, were real granola types and sure could be bisexual. I think there is definately a connection between gay men and lesbians. Cool. Vel

TheSoko's picture

The kind of girls I dated wer

The kind of girls I dated were the ones that clung to my arm and informed me that we are now dating. This happened twice before my coming out. One was just a clingy girl and I never saw her again after that night. My freshman year I hung out with this group of girls, two of them coming out, and a third that I was supposedly dating. We'd go to dances and stuff, all around a good time.

Then last year I figured things out and gave my "girlfriend" a call. "I'm gay." "Oh... *long pause* Ohhhhhhhhhh... That explains a lot."

Of course, now the lesbian that I mentioned earlier is now my "gay lover" and I'm having her baby. And my ex-"girlfriend" has a militant feminist vegetarian girlfriend.

We're a very cheery happy bouncey group! :)

linds's picture

I crushed on 2 boys in high school

One is out and proud, 100% gay. The other one is in denial, but I'm pretty sure it's only a matter of time.

To be fair, there were more men in my high school than women. And very few of the women weren't rabidly heterosexual. Even so, there may be something to the theory, especially given that high school isn't often a safe space to come out.


Craves_Blood's picture

2 outta 3

Well, Michael is in the closet, and Trevor is bi, but he isn't admitting it to anyone. James is straight.


jules's picture

an illustration in why labels don't wholly work

Okay. You know, to actually give you my spin would take a whole day. To sort through the relationship history a little longer.

So I'll leave it at this: I have a theme of dating straight girls. I have gotten the "I'm just not a lesbian" speech twice after eight month long meaningful relationships. Once before the relationship started and was just physical.

I get Kissing Jessica Stein. Wholly.

Analyze that.

Dragon's picture

I did that! My ex of... 7th g

I did that! My ex of... 7th grade is now Bi... radar!!! muah ha ha haaa, genius... genious I tell you... wow, who is off her rocker...

ebonyquill's picture

must be.

My last boyfriend is gay. But I knew that when I dated him. What attracted me to him in the first place: He made out with one of my (guy) friends.

daydream believer's picture

I dated 3 guys before I accep

I dated 3 guys before I accepted my sexuality. All three were pretty "feminine". All three of them were bi.

One was upfront with me when we met about his sexuality. The second one came out to me 5 months into our relationship, before we broke up. The third one, after I came out to him and we became best friends, recalled some repressed memories and questioned hardcore, before settling on the label he identified with most.

So, if you use my record as evidence, I have pretty good biradar! *lol*