A forum for happy thoughts and funny things...

eTgen's picture

Okay people, I think it is time to bring out the happy beans. Now I want everyone to take a happy bean and sit down in a big circle. Yay! now that we are all together let us throw away our differences and concentrate on the happy pill. Feel how it grows through your body. Feel now how the happiness permeates throughout oasis. Someone is laughing. I hear two laughs. The laughter is starting to spread. How everyone is feeling much better already. Breath nice and deeply. Yes let happiness overtake you....

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Yes this sounds silly. No I am not a new age hippie who thinks that that eating the small intestine of a 3 week year old tadpole is going to provide the solution for world peace. We just need to learn to relax a little. As such I have formed this topic.

There shall be no criticizing. No name calling. No personal attacks. No political opinions expressed. Simply a place to post stupid random funny happy thoughts.
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I suggest that you all read Get Fuzzy as a daily source of humor.
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My joke...

Two humpback whales are in a bar. One turns to the other and says: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Woooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Waaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooooooooooiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaado dodododododododododo ddadadadadad adwheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee wa wa.
and the other humback whale says "what the hell did you just say?"

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laugh a little oasis

eTgen

nicki_m's picture

th@ was so daft it was actually funny!

nice one! th@ joke actually made me laugh! are dirty jokes allowed or not? coz iv got one about some nuns...
4 nuns died and went to heaven, but b4 they could get in they were stopped at the g8s and told they must wash away their sins with holy water b4 they entered by a saint.
th saint sed 2 th 1st nun "child, have u sinned?" she said "yes, once i looked at a mans penis." "very well child," he replied, "wash ur eyes and u may enter."
he approached th sencond nun and asked if she had sinned. "yes, i once touched a mans penis" the saint nodded wisely and instructed her to wash her hands. suddenly th fourth nun pushed to the front. "why do u hurry so child?" asked the saint. to this she replied, pointng at the third nun
"i want to wash b4 she gargles it!"

alice's picture

Britney wants me....dead

What is the joke about the tea drinking lesbians?

Let us all be happy, and make use of our life by not wasting it doing nothing. If anyone is bored then they could learn how to knit, I don't do this, but pick up a book showing knitting patterns and the clothes are really boffo (cool).

I wanna go to unii cus they have GLBT things, just think, a room full of gay/questionning people amazing, YAY.

JB's picture

Tea Drinking Lesbians

if we told you, the joke, they would come for you....

JB
Vice President and Drug Tzar of The Movement To Free Ommpa loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates

alice's picture

i lost

yeah JB nice play on words, but they don't know where i live, therefore i believe i amm perfectly safe. Besides why would i care if they did? Of course i wouldn't want them to come becasue i'm homophobic and wouldn't want them any where near me.

Zoey's picture

i knit and i love it. knittin

i knit and i love it. knitting is the type of thing that once you know what your doing you dont even know your doing it anymore, but it still keeps you occupied. It's kind of like twittling your thumbs, but when you twittle your thumbs you dont get a scarf, hat, sweater, mittens, booties or even a bikini(yea, i deffinatly saw a pattern for a knitted bikini once!) when your done.

adrian's picture

My Eternal Love - Bush/Blair

My Eternal Love - Bush/Blair

Laugh. It's funny.

---
Princess Adrian.
Lord Master Supreme of Webcode and Chairmen on the Department of Truthful Documents for The Movement To Free Ommpa loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates

Dragon's picture

Happy

Be happy because you are here and could be alot worse off then you are

~dragon fairy~

adrian's picture

Men are like spaghetti, straight till they get wet

Men are like spaghetti, straight till they get wet

---
Princess Adrian.
Lord Master Supreme of Webcode and Chairmen on the Department of Truthful Documents for The Movement To Free Ommpa loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates

Leisa's picture

Jokes

Why does a chicken coop have only 2 doors?

If it had 4 it would be called a chicken sedan!

Hee hee.

Thank you for this eTgen. :-)

Chief Political Right Hand Woman to Ceo, Founder and First Member of The Movement to Free Oompa Loompa Land from the Tryanicall Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka

eTgen's picture

Hehe:)

Bluebottle:
What time is it, Eccles?

Eccles:
Um, just a minute, I,.. I

adbak's picture

A string joke.

Note: This joke's punch line will be easier understood if you say it aloud and concentrate on the phonetics.

One day, a string walked into a bar. The bartender looks up and says to the piece of string, "Hey, we don't serve your kind here." Dismayed, the string walks out. Suddenly he has a stroke of brilliance and runs to the alley behind the bar. He bites and chews at the ends of himself and contorts and twists himself. With a smile on his face, he walks into the bar. The bartender looks up and asks, "Didn't I just tell you that I don't serve strings?"

To this the string replies, "I'm afraid not!"

Corny, yeah, but funny.

kylec1's picture

Nun joke

There was a Friar, a Nun, and a camel that were lost in the desert. After three days of being lost, their camel dropped dead from lack of water. The Friar, knowing that he and the Nun were going to die soon, decided he wanted to have sex before he died. He turned to the Nun, pulled out his penis, and said, "Sister, do you know what this is?" She replied, "Brother, I do not." He said, "It is the Rod of Life." She said, "Well, in that case, ram it up that camel's butt, and let's get a move on!!!"
~~Kyle

Leisa's picture

oh kyle c thanks for

oh kyle c thanks for reviving this thread, oasis should be happy all the time :)

my three wheeler rox's picture

...

A woman goes to her daughter, Stacie's house for dinner one night and, after observing Stacie interacting with her roomate Jane, she started wondering if Stacie and Jane were more than friends. After dinner the mother and daughter were cleaning up and the mother asked "are you and Jane dating?" Well, Stacie denied it and her mother dropped the subject.
A few days later the mother got a letter saying "Dear mom, I'm not sayign you took our gravy ladle, and I aint saying you didn't take it, but the fact remains: ever since you were here our gravy ladle has been missing."
The mother's reply was "I'm not saying you're dating Jane, and I'm not saying you're not dating her, but the fact remains: if Jane would sleep in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now."

Ride hard or stay home.

Do they react that way because of who we are or because of your personality?
"I like to think it's me."

Leisa's picture

hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

dykehalo's picture

oh thats great i love

oh thats great i love it!
~~~NO DAY BUT TODAY~~~

gaynow's picture

hah! that's brilliant ^^

hah! that's brilliant ^^

joemondragon's picture

lol, thoughtful mom. haha "A

lol, thoughtful mom. haha

"A friend is someone who bails you out of jail; a best friend is someone who stands in the cell next to you and says 'that was freakin' awesome'"
-Dr. Jamie Morris

kylec1's picture

Successful Sons

These four gents go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is
detained in the clubhouse and the other three are start discussing
their children while walking to the first tee.

"My son," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-
building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own
design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last
year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, not to be outdone, starts to talk about how his son
began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line
dealership. "He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he
gave a friend of his two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man listens to all this, and then starts to brag about his
son and how he had worked his way up through a stock brokerage and in
the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as
a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, another tells him that they
have been discussing the successes of their sons and asks what line
his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son has turned
out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser, and
I've just recently discovered he's a practicing homosexual. But, on
the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last
three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big
pile of stock certificates."

~~Kyle

Leisa's picture

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

dykehalo's picture

hah ha ~~~NO DAY BUT

hah ha
~~~NO DAY BUT TODAY~~~

Grace Hughen's picture

XD

I will remember that joke forever, I think.

gaynow's picture

The best joke in the world:

So, this mushroom walks into a bar and asks for a drink.

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve mushrooms."

And the mushroom says, "Come on, I'm a fun guy!"

oldfoxbob's picture

daffynishon

Politic....Pol: Laten for many...Tick: Blood sucking insect!
And we wonder why congress is so greedy????
ofb
Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense.

gaynow's picture

Pro and Con

If the opposite of con is pro, then what's the opposite of progress? And what's the opposite of constitution?

utter_insanity's picture

Elementary school humor

Okay, here's a really stupid joke I heard all the time when I was in elementary school.

There are these three guys in the woods: Shut Up, Manners, and Trouble. While they're camping in the woods, Trouble gets separated from Shut Up and Manners. Shut Up and Manners cannot find him, so they pile into their van and go to the police station to report a missing person.

When they get to the station, Manners says he'll stay in the van while Shut Up goes inside. Shut Up goes inside and goes to a police officer to report it.

The officer asks, "All right, what's your name, son?"

"Shut Up."

"What is your name, son?"

"Shut Up."

"Are you looking for trouble, boy?"

"Why, yes, I am!"

"Where are your manners?"

"Out in the van."


"Women in rubber will ALWAYS be flirting with me!" --Maureen in the musical RENT

joemondragon's picture

two muffins are sitting in

two muffins are sitting in an oven. one says to the other "wow it's really hot in here". The second muffin replies "OH MY GOD! A talking muffin!"

"A friend is someone who bails you out of jail; a best friend is someone who stands in the cell next to you and says 'that was freakin' awesome'"
-Dr. Jamie Morris

my three wheeler rox's picture

hehe..

niice!

Ride hard or stay home.

Do they react that way because of who we are or because of your personality?
"I like to think it's me."

my three wheeler rox's picture

...

What is a CAT?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny Femme Lesbians in little fur coats.

What is a DOG?
1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss
9. They go right to your crotch as soon as they meet you.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny Butch Lesbians in little fur coats.

Ride hard or stay home.

Do they react that way because of who we are or because of your personality?
"I like to think it's me."

dykehalo's picture

he he... im a dog! ~~~NO DAY

he he... im a dog!
~~~NO DAY BUT TODAY~~~

my three wheeler rox's picture

lol

me too

Ride hard or stay home.

Do they react that way because of who we are or because of your personality?
"I like to think it's me."

Grace Hughen's picture

I'm such a cat. Which is

I'm such a cat. Which is funny because I have two cats at home, and one of them acts more like a dog in many respects.