Gay Analogies

greyboi's picture

I posted this on a religious board at BeliefNet, but I thought I'd post it here, too:

Blue-eyed people are said by scientists to have a recessive gene and are a minority in number. It's a mystery as to why they haven't died out yet. I guess being blue-eyed is a choice. If it was genetic, then why aren't we all blue-eyed by now?

Blue-eyed people need to give up their unhealthy lifestyle. Medical studies show that people who lack that much melanin in their eyes are more prone to cataracts and premature blindness. They have to wear
sunglasses to prevent this, which is something I find quite unnatural.

We need to pass legislation to limit the civil rights of blue people, because it's obvious that their way of life is inferior to ours. God made us with brown eyes, not ugly blue-eyes!

I hate left-handed people, too! There is no scientific evidence that there is a "left-handed gene". It's a choice, dammit! It's a choice. I know many people who have successfully switched from being left-handed to right-handed. Right-handed is normal, but left is just plain unnatural. Can't we plainly see that the majority of the people are right-handed? Something bad must have happened to them when they were little to make them this way. Maybe they got beat at arm-wrestling when they were young, emotionally scarring them, leading to them to use the other hand instead of the natural, normal right-hand. Maybe their parents taught them to be this way. Perhaps it was because they had a distant writing instructor in grammar school.

You say I should accept blue-eyed people and left-handed people as being merely different? Why should I? Statistics say that left-handed people are more likely to get into accidents and die because our world is designed for the natural right-handers. Statistics say that blue-eyed people will more than likely need glasses when they get older. That should be a sign that they are inferior. God is sending them a message.

------------------

Hope it's useful to some of you. :)

-- Grey.

Leisa's picture

:-)

Good show Greling.

Chief Political Right Hand Woman to Ceo, Founder and First Member of The Movement to Free Oompa Loompa Land from the Tryanicall Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka

alice's picture

However

Left handers also have qualities that right handers don't have. Such as they are better at creative thing. Without left handers there would be no Jimi Hendrix style playing of guitar.

metrored's picture

plus

Plus us left-handers have a disproportionately higher membership in Mensa than our right-handed oppressors. Perhaps thats why they fear us. /:)
_________________________________________
Chief Lawyer for The Movement to Free Oompa Loompa Land from the Tyrannical Capitalistic Despot Willy Wonka

Leisa's picture

What about ambidextrous peopl

What about ambidextrous people, like myself?

Chief Political Right Hand Woman to Ceo, Founder and First Member of The Movement to Free Oompa Loompa Land from the Tryanicall Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka

linds's picture

cool

You're just extra special. :-) I always wanted to be ambidextrous.

~Linds writes with her hand sinister

-----
Special Envoy to Tea-Drinking Nations for The Movement To Free Oompa Loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalistic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates

vel's picture

give it up

Those confused ambidextrous people are just like those green-eyed freaks. There is still time to change your ways, so REPENT and quit your devious lifestyle.

metrored's picture

sister in the struggle

need I say more?

________________________________________
Chief Lawyer for The Movement to Free Oompa Loompa Land from the Tyrannical Capitalistic Despot Willy Wonka

DiamondDog's picture

"Freedom of choice, is what y

"Freedom of choice, is what you got" ~ Devo

Press secretary for The Movement To Free Ommpa loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates

Renfaerie's picture

hey wait a minute...

wait wait wait...shouldn't we be accepting people for their differences? we've been hated because we're different so shouldn't we have learned? or am i the only one that believes in total equality of everyone, no matter what the difference? gees peeps come on. who are we to say what's natural and whats not?

greyboi's picture

SINNER!

The left-handed are demon posessed. If they would only pray and ask Jesus into their hearts, then they might change. I know many left-handers who have changed to right. Change is possible.

Can you actually believe that they are teaching school educators to "tolerate" left-handedness? I call that promotion.

We don't need any of those left-handed desks any more than we need projectors for people with sensetive blue eyes!

Stop promoting left-handedness. It's a sin.

God gave us the right one with a purpose, and it was for opening door knobs and canned goods!

:)LOL

suffragettecity's picture

I don't care if you have blue eyes ...

... as long as you wear sunglasses in public.

I feel truly sorry for those of you who don't agree with Greling - you're just caving in to the rhetoric and towing the line of the Blue-Eyed Agenda. In case you people haven't noticed, there are blue-eyed people in our schools, in our work places, and even in our churches who are actively recruiting all of the normal brown- and hazel-eyed people into their sick lifestyle of depravity and filth. If only these degenerates would bring an end to their sinful lives and get colored contact lenses.

As for left-handed people, don't even get me started on those perverted southpaw sickos...

Leisa's picture

What about green eyed people?

What about green eyed people?

Chief Political Right Hand Woman to Ceo, Founder and First Member of The Movement to Free Oompa Loompa Land from the Tryanicall Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka

greyboi's picture

Technically...

Green-eyed people are just confused. They just can't make up their minds as to whether or not they're going to be blue-eyed or brown-eyed (the natural way), so they choose to have yellow specks put before their blue eyes! Can't you see the error in their ways? How DARE they experiment with blue-eyedness!

Leisa's picture

Damn

I guess I just can't make up my mind either way, ambidextrous and green-eyed.

Chief Political Right Hand Woman to Ceo, Founder and First Member of The Movement to Free Oompa Loompa Land from the Tryanicall Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka

JB's picture

@!@@@

FREAK!

Vice President and Drug Tzar of The Movement To Free Ommpa loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates
*said in a positive manner and not to be constrewed as negative feedback, sorry in advanc

Leisa's picture

:-D

LMAO!

Chief Political Right Hand Woman to Ceo, Founder and First Member of The Movement to Free Oompa Loompa Land from the Tryanicall Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka

suffragettecity's picture

Somewhere, Tammy Faye is a-weepin'

Please, you poor sweet thing, don't go down that dark and demon-ridden road of blue-eyed, southpawed depravity! Oh, for the love of god, let me recommend a good psychiatrist for you; I know a therapist who works for a leading Ex-Blue-Eyed/Southpawed organization, and he can help you so that you don't cross over to the other side.

In duh name of awr rawt-handed 'n brown-eyed Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I cast out thee demons from Hell! But before I can do dat, I need y'all to help me with a check or money order for a modest $20 sent to my organization's address so dat we can faht dese Blue Meanies plaguing our good brown-eyed 'n right-handed society! If y'all don't send us dat money, just where egzacklee is mah wife Tammy Faye a-gonna git some new mascara tuh replace dat which is a-runnin' down her face from all dat cryin' she's a-doin'?

suffragettecity's picture

gruen

Well, green-eyed people are normal, blue-eyed people aren't. It's that simple. And why? Well, just because.

greyboi's picture

The Fallacy of History & "Nature"

Some have told me that there have been left-handed people since the beginning of time and that several famous, talented figures like Michaelangelo and Leonardo Da Vinci were left-handed and that it was because of this that I must accept left-handed people. Sorry to say this to you, but I completely disagree. They don't have talent. They have perversion.

What do I have to say to this?

Murders have also been around since the beginning of time. Does that somehow make being a murderer okay? Of course not.

Many people feel an inclination to kill, so why should I accept left-handedness on the merits that it is nothing but an "inclination"? People aren't "born" that way. They certainly choose it.

I personally, view left-handedness as being similar to alcoholism and kleptomania. It can be cured, but it's quite difficult and would requite intensive therapy.

No child should be pressured while in school to accept left-handedness as a normal lifestyle choice. It's despicable and I won't put up with my child being recruited.

Change is possible. You just have to accept it.

metrored's picture

What if you're son were born left-handed?

can you prove that it's simply an inclination? I've been for as long as I can remember and I couldn't manage a life any other way (even though I'm supposed to be more creative). Perhaps if you tried writing with the wrong hand for week you'd understand. Unfortunately I don't think you can experience the full normalcy of left-handed life. Just like the millions of left-handers across the globe who are forced to act right-handed because of your terrible hegemony. They suffer from poor hand-writing, the inability to tell left from right and they don't even get to write with their left hands. It's a terrible fate to be forced to convert. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

So Mr. Jackson, what if your son were left handed, would you shun him, torture him into a right-handed life he could never enjoy, or would you accept him for he beautiful intelligent child he is (assuming of course he is beautiful and intelligent)?

____________________________________
Chief Lawyer for The Movement to Free Oompa Loompa Land from the Tyrannical Capitalistic Despot Willy Wonka

greyboi's picture

NO WAY!

No son of mine is going to grow up left-handed! I'd disown him if he did. That's something people either choose or have taught to them by their parents. Had the liberal media not been so willing to accept this perversion, parents would not be getting told that it's "okay" and "acceptable" to raise your child with left-handedness.

Did you know that the word sinister actually translates to "left-handed" and in the word awkward, the root awk means "left" and the word ward means "near"? In other words, it's a sinister and awkward lifestyle that these people are choosing for their kids! They're raising mental degenerates.

I won't accept it. And I won't accept the argument that it's "like skin color", either.

You see, there's a big difference between race (what people are actually born with) and this sick perversion. With race, you can't hide the color of your skin, but the left-handed person CHOOSES which had to write with and to open the door with. It's a matter of choice and I will never accept it as being "natural".

The arguments just don't suffice. Left-handedness can be prevented and parents can help their children come out of this perversion.

We have a clinic for those who are seeking to come to the light and let God's glory shine on them. No one has to be left-handed. They only have to accept Jesus and ask for him to change them. Jesus can work miracles into people's hearts and there is nothing that he can't do. So, that means that being left-handed is a choice, and since it's a matter of choice I won't accept it as being valid to call this thing "natural".

metrored's picture

Someone you care about is left-handed

I hurt no one, I steal nothing, I write with a different hand and tend to use the more creative side of my brain. All the difficulties that i face in this society are purly due to your efforts to eradicate me and my kind.

All you clinic would due is torture me into eternal tumoil for something that is beautiful but not yours. Why would Jesus want me to live a life of hell when I hurt no one? perhps you should look past you're bigotry and stop picking on innocent lefties

Chief Lawyer for The Movement to Free Oompa Loompa Land from the Tyrannical Capitalistic Despot Willy Wonka

Renfaerie's picture

Yeah someone who agrees with me!

Thank you! I thought I was alone. What should someone care what color someones eyes are or what hand they write with? There is no evil either. If you haven't noticed we gay/les/bi people are still being hated/killed/humiliated/harassed/etc. for being so. So why spread more hate? This just isn't right. Untill I met some of you (you know who you are) I thought the population of gay/bi/les peeps were very open and accepting. Now I see that some are as biggoted and prejudice as some of the homophobes I've met. This place is supposed to be a place of peace where we can come to discuss topics of poplular intrest without creating more hatred. So please, if you have any love in your heart, end this hate streak.
-Angel

greyboi's picture

Oh Lordie!

I feel a HEAT WAVE comin' on!

How DARE you consult demonic vices for your information?! Do you not see the wickeness in your ways? God will punish all left-handed people. Their manicures will be dingy and half-dry. They'll have accidents in the parking lots at malls. You wait and see and I'll show you heavenly retribution!

Acceptance of southpaws will only lead to moral decay!

Come over to the side of the Lord, and hold one of our precious signs at a lefty's funeral, that reads:

"GOD HATES SOUTHPAWS!"

"SOUTHPAWS BURN IN HELL!"

"SOUTHPAW SIN!"

It's better when we best return to them thar family values.

:)LOL

Renfaerie's picture

Hatred Spreader!

How can you say you see the light when you've got your head so far stuck up your own ass that you can't even see the light? It says no where in the Bible that left handedness is evil. You should be ashamed of yourself for spreading hate. Who are you to say what God wants? He and only He can say what He wants. No you. Not me. Not anyone. If He doen't like left handers than He will probably have a mass genocide. He hasn't so far so I think He doesn't care what hand anyone uses. Besides this is a pointless argument. There's bigger things happening and more important things to worry about than what hand a person uses.
hope you find the light,
-Angel

greyboi's picture

REBUKE! REBUKE! REBUKE!

"It says no where in the Bible that left handedness is evil."

"A wise man's heart is at his right hand, but a fool's heart at his left." (Ecclesiastes 10:2)

"Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind..." (1 Corinthians 6:9)

I find those passages PRETTY clear, don't you? REPENT!

linds's picture

eager to repent

::lies prostrate::

I, Linds, humble sinner, do hereby repent BOTH my left-handedness and my blue eyes. Please, Lord, tell me how I can make amends!

~Linds

-----
Special Envoy to Tea-Drinking Nations for The Movement To Free Oompa Loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalistic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates

Renfaerie's picture

alright, i've made my reservations in hell

they say the stay there is pretty nice. Complete with saunas and volcanos. I'll send you all a postcard when I get there.

-gone vacationing in hell,
=) =P *_* @_@ ;)
-Angel

eTgen's picture

angel?

Angel, which most clearly you are not,

God has tried on many occasion to rid the world of lefties, but there is some large lefty Agenda that is leading our righteous, innocent right-handed children followers of Jesus down a path of sin, vice and devilry! Lefties is not natural! It this liberal agenda- soon you will want to allow lefties to have the same rights as righties! This is unheard of! Thomas Jefferson was no lefty!

Let me tell you a story. There was once this kid named Charles in my class. He was god-fearing, and nice. And of course, right handed. But than he went on the internet- a vile invention- and found out about leftyism! He was transformed into a sinner. Naturally, I and all of his other friends disowned him. He became the butt of all the jokes. And his parents took away his car and made him walk home. Soon Charles, the dirty sinner, had dropped out of school and was homeless on the streets trying to convert innocent people to the way of the devil. Well luckily, God punished him for his sins. He died three weeks latter when a statue of Thomas Jefferson squashed him with his right hand.

The power of God is amazing. And his sence of Justice is fair.

How you can live knowing lefties is beyond me.

As Greling said: repent!

God is merciful!

latterz,

eTgen
---
CEO, President, Founder, and First member of:

The Movement To Free Ommpa loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates

[TMTFOLLFTTROTECDWWAA]

Renfaerie's picture

A latin scholar huh?

Alright, so you found where these words come from. But back then left handedness was only rumored as an evil thing. A mere superstition. We all know superstition is a whole lot of BS. That was ended when the Roman empire fell. Then was reborn when the christian empire arose. I really am starting to believe that the ceremonial wine has gone to your head, or you're drunk on it. Either way...

-don't drink too much! =P
-Angel

JB's picture

Sarcasm?

I think you missed the point of the sarcasm and joking in this thread. its a joke.

Vice President and Drug Tzar of The Movement To Free Ommpa loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates
*said in a positive manner and not to be constrewed as negative feedback, sorry in advanc

eTgen's picture

WITCH!!!

JB,

I am shocked that you would think this is all in jest. To even begin to fathom the horrors of which you speak... Oh Lordie! There is no humor in the sacrilegious antics of the lefties! I stick by my and Greyling's beliefs- we must burn them and rid the world of these unfortunate souls who have fallen on the road paved with the heads of unbaptized children!

Also it is people who sympathize with these degenerates. They too must be punished!

And do not get me started on those blue-eyed freaks of nature! Oh the horrors! The horrors!

Anyway, JB I urge you to think long and hard about the evil lefties and their blue-eyed cohorts! There is no humor to be found in the damned!

latterz,

eTgen
---
CEO, President, Founder, and First member of:

The Movement To Free Ommpa loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates

[TMTFOLLFTTROTECDWWAA]

DiamondDog's picture

Obviously, JB, you were never

Obviously, JB, you were never assaulted by a leftie. Did you know they have the nerve to complain about school desks? My school doesn't need to cater to them. And to think they shake the *wrong* fist at the righties.

Press secretary for The Movement To Free Ommpa loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates

greyboi's picture

THANK GOD!

Thank God those Christians showed those Romans the Word of God and showed them their evil ways. Superstition? It's written in the Word. Deal with it or deal with FIRE!

greyboi's picture

Back in my day...

If we accept left-handedness, then it would surely lead to the acceptance of other misdeeds like kleptomania, gambling, and other crimes of the hand. I don't think we want to go down that route.

I remember there was a time, back when I was growing up, that this kind of deviant lifestyle wasn't so encouraged. Most people stood up against this kind of immorality, that is, until our major mental health organizations got pressured by liberal activists and caved in. They were forced to declassify this sick mental disorder. Exactly where is our society leading if we allow misuse of the hand to go accepted?

DiamondDog's picture

It really had to do with coll

It really had to do with college students and the ACLU. What a group left wingers if I ever saw one. Can you believe they think any minority group shold have rights? It's survival of the fittest. If you can't hack it on your own, then why should some organization help you?

Press secretary for The Movement To Free Ommpa loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates

adbak's picture

It's like what my Chem teacher said

"What's wrong with society? It should be what the majority of people want."

eTgen's picture

Insult to injury

Rumor has it that the evil tyrannical despot Willy Wonka, has not only blue eyes (the evil devil) but also masterminds all his plots with his left-hand.

This blued-eye left hand vast conspiracy must be brought to an end.

I suggest that we round up these infidels and burn them (using of course natural materials)

P.S.
As an act of good faith I have gauged out my sinner eyes and lopped off my offending arm. I shall use this to start the fire that shall boil WW!!

latterz,

eTgen
---
CEO, President, Founder, and First member of:

The Movement To Free Ommpa loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates

[TMTFOLLFTTROTECDWWAA]

greyboi's picture

Better yet...

We should line them up and copy Hitler's technique: gas and incineration.

wilma wonka's picture

I AM WILLY WONKA

Or rather, I was until I transitioned and became Wilma Wonka. (hence the screen name) I'm ambidexterous and have green eyes and I've converted all of my oompa loompa friends to the evil ways of blue/green eyes and left handedness. mua ha ha ha (that's supposed to be an evil laugh but I can't spell to save my life). However, I'm not a tyrant and the oompa loompas are no longer in loompa land, they work in my factory. Instead they are "Imported direct from loompaland. And oh, what a terrible land it is! Nothing but thick jungles infested with the most dangerous beasts in the world - hornswogglers and snozwangers and those terrible wicked wangdoodles. A wangdoodle could eat ten oopma loompas for breakfast and come galloping back for a second helping. When I went out there I found the little oompa loompas living in tree houses, they had to live in tree houses to escape the hornswaglers and snozwangers and wangdoodles. When I found them they were practicly starving to death. They were living on green catapillers,red beetles, and the bark of the bong bong tree. They loved cacao beans too but only found about one or two a year. They used to dream about them all night and talk about them all day. It just so happens that the cacao bean is the thing of which all chocolate is made. I myself use billions of cacao beans every week in my factory. So I talked to the leader of the tribe in oompa loompish and told him that he and his people could have all the cacao beans they wanted if they would come and live with me and work in my factory. Well, the leader was so happy that he took his bowl of mashed caterpillers and threw them out the tree house window. So here they are!" As you can see I saved the oompa loompas from themselves just like the great white race saved the negro race from their uncivilized ways by enslaving them in our glorious west.

"gay: cheerful and lighthearted; merry." - The American Heritage Dictionary.

DiamondDog's picture

I really think that left-hand

I really think that left-handedness should be stopped at an early age. I'm not going to say that it's the fault of a child, they were obviously influenced or encouraged by irresponsible homes. However, if those tendencies are stopped early, a life could be saved.

For instance, a ruler slap is a good reminder. It's for their own benefit that left-handedness doesn't develop. The world won't help them or protect them, and it will be harder for them to live their life.

Instead of so much negativity, we should reach out and save them. Maybe rehab clinics would work. Or put them in special classes so they don't contaminate other children.

Press secretary for The Movement To Free Ommpa loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates

micky's picture

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

i read this and nearly died. i nearly fell off my chair, especially because (holy crap) some people didnt get it at all.... hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. fucking lefties. haha

OVER AND OUT.

wild-blue-yonder's picture

awesome

Oh, I needed that. I guess anything can be made funny, even the serious stuff. Thank you. :)

I also think it's funny that I have blue eyes, but I have a brown birthmark/freckle thing in my right eye. Does this mean I'm bi??? What message is God sending me?

Thanks. I'm going to remember this...

Blue

Sirens call's picture

You have a freckle in your eye?!? :S

~Morgasm~

wild-blue-yonder's picture

Something like that, it's wha

Something like that, it's what the eye doctor said anyway. I kind of like it actually.

QuakerOats's picture

That was great. my friends a

That was great. my friends are cracking up

Come out, come out wherever you are!

NovaCat's picture

Actually, my friend Carol was

Actually, my friend Carol was forced by her father to use her right hand (she was initially left-handed) to write when she was little. He would make her put her hand behind her back, and if she pulled it out, he tied her hand to the chair. However, it didn't seem to work, as she's now completely independently ambidextrous (meaning that, not only can she use both hands, but she can use both hands independently to do completely different things). I said she needs to become the next great rock drummer, but she won't listen.

wilma wonka's picture

that happened to my dad

everyone in his family was left handed (the dispicable sinners, they should all burn in hell) so they assumed he would be left handed so they taught him everything with his left hand even though he's righthanded. Now he's ambidexterous. He should change his sinful ways and only use his right hand. I'll sign him up for therapy asap. Does anyone know a good therapist for this condition?

"gay: cheerful and lighthearted; merry." - The American Heritage Dictionary.

theindigolemon's picture

hey!

the left-handed analogy is misleading because it is somewhat of a choice, if you are left-handed but only use your right hand you can become right-handed and left-handed people used to be seriously discriminated against; people actually thought it was evil and a sign you were possessed

Paladin's picture

No more a choice than homosexuality

Well of course if I, being right-handed, were to have only ever used my left hand to write, then it's forseeable that I write better with my left-hand. However, if I were to give both hands an equal chance at displaying their dexterity, I'm sure I'd find my right hand was still the best.

Similarly it's believed a lot of gay people repress what comes easiest to them and get marry people of the opposite sex. Probably a lot of them may have some small level of attraction to the opposite sex, and because they've repressed their homosexual side so much, they even manage to convince themselves that they're straight.

Dave