It was terrible and painful and all of my friends have some deeper pain in them so they weren't happy. And its royally sad. I hurt for all of them. And Lauren's so over-loaded. And Mike's funking. He's all depressed. And everyone hates me. Or at least is sorta fuming. And I understand why. Yet no one seems to be sympathic towards me except Heathre. See, Lauren freaks out and everyone is comforting her, and making her okay. I freak out and it's fuck you Nic. Die, very simply put. They understood Lauren's anger. It was okay that she couldn't be in a room without possibly killing me. Yet my ending the set to stop myself from ending her life doesn't matter. I'm the evil impossible asshole because she is inaccurate. Well, I'm not mad at her. Nor do I blame her by any means. Miscommunicae, and busyness. Oh well. Put it behind me and move on. It's not a big deal. And I just need to find a direction, and less easy to anger musicians. Cause it's not all my fault. At all. I blame all involved. But mostly, I blame myself for even questioning my judgement of when I felt Lauren, Chrix and I hadn't practiced enough, letting her physical sadness and objection change my mind.
Oh well. Teach me a lesson.