Paper Parthogenesis

jules's picture


File - to arrange in order for preservation and reference.

  • You will note the above emphasis.
  • ...

    Without Order, there's not much point trying to preserve anything, let alone try to refer to it later when you can't even remember what it is you preserved.

    Imagine an electronic document management system that has existed for over a decade. Let's root this whole mini-rant in a discussion of 20.6 GB. Because this is the amount of information with which I'm dealing. Information compiled by x number of people who all, it would seem, decided to compile it in their own special ways over y number of years.

    I sit here every day in awe that this company functions. It is an organism that has been fed without being nurtured. It has learned to speak without being given words. To move without knowing its body.

    It is an aberration.

    It is my job to take over z thousand files living in over n thousand folders and make Order. A feat that is very parting the red fucking sea with a twig. And then I'll get crucified for it because nobody will be able to find anything. For a week, at least. Which, incidently, is the amount of time I've been unofficially given to pull this miracle out of my ass.

    It has taken me the entire day to establish the baseline for the new EDMS, or rather, the first. Because I aborted the mutation that before existed, bled the old disaster they called Order from my organizational womb. What remains is the spunk from a mismanagement orgy. And I must teach that spunk to breathe. The work that here lies was borne of the asexual. Paper parthogenesis. A zygote of Order, waiting as clay. And I, Prometheus, have to make man from it in seven days.


    hol's picture


    From spunk to the asexual...only in the lesbian realm could that actually fly....

    Leisa's picture

    I have every confidence in yo

    I have every confidence in you that you can part the red sea with a twig, and make a man out of z number of files in 7 days.

    May the shwartz be with you!

    Chief Political Right Hand Woman to Ceo, Founder and First Member of The Movement to Free Oompa Loompa Land from the Tryanicall Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka