Alright so in a past blog I mentioned this nice little boulder under some trees at my dad's house. Well I sat there for a while last night. I just sat there among the bugs and thought. And thought and thought...You get the picture.
Wanna know my conclusion? I am fucked up. No seriously, I am. Not that you didn't figure that out all on your own. But I am. And I might always be. And there and there may not be anything I can do about it. Tough shit for me huh?
But no kidding, I can accept it. I have to, I have to live with me all the time. And why did I draw this conclusion you ponder? Well, I am a cutter. Thats right I cut. Or atleast I did. The last time was three days ago. But I promised Dragon I wouldn't do it anymore. In turn she promised the same. But you know it doesn't help when your mother encourages that you watch after school movies about it and you spend the entire time watching the girl who cuts and getting great ideas on how to conceal it. Yah, my mom doesn't know. But thats okay cause I promised Dragon I wouldn't and believe me, I am big on keeping promises...which is a totally different story.
Anyways, the second reason I drew this conclusion is because I get myself into bad situations waaaaay too often. Like you haven't noticed that as well. Thats a dead fucking give away!!! Like my recent predicament. But don't worry I won't rant about that...again.
And my last reason? Thats just what I am. Always have been. Been told that a couple of times as well. No big deal. Some outside circumstances have also aided my fucked up state. Then there was the way I grew up. Whoa! Was that a head trip! Oh yah, guess what I am at the top of someone's hate list! Me and my mother. Fun fun fun! Poor Candace...She can't handle everything that Cec and Claire throw at her...
Yah. Don't worry I was not nor am I on drugs. It was just a clear, drawn out conclusion I came upon. Sitting out there on my boulder...Listening to nothing and everything at once.Yup. It was just one of those things that just happens...
Wellz. Catcha people later! Thanks for lettin' me bitch all the time!!!!!