Momma does it again.

Jazzer's picture

Hi kids,

Momma just got back from an interesting experience at the all-ages club here in Portland....

Keep in mind, I really HATE this place with a bloody passion, for several reasons. So does my ex. We were hanging out tonight, and I suggested we go to the club and have a good time being miserable together. He reluctantly agreed.

So here we are, it's about 10:30 p.m. on a Thursday, and it's dead in there; there's like 5 people in the entire place. Anyhow, we sit at one of the tables and start talking. We both notice this really cute guy dancing. I make a comment, my ex is reticent.

The cute boy wanders over near us but doesn't say anything. At first I thought he was checking us out, but then it was very evident that he wasn't: indeed, he was checking my EX out. Of course, at this time, my ex is too busy playing with his cell phone to notice. The cute boy leaves, and I chide my ex for being a dipshit and not saying anything.

A little while later, I go to the bathroom, and when I get back, Cute Boy has made his way to sit next to The Ex. "That's fabulous," I think to myself. He's talking to the hot guy.

But alas! As I get closer, I see that my ex is STILL playing with his cell phone and ignoring this hot guy sitting next to him. I sit down, and the boy leaves shortly thereafter. I call my ex an ungrateful little child for not taking the opportunity to talk to this REALLY hot guy who's VERY OBVIOUSLY interested in him.

After I'm done with name-calling, we talk for a little bit more. And whaddya know, my ex continues to play with his cell phone. This is the point where Momma gets REALLY ticked off at her ex: first, because he's being stupid and playing with his cell phone in public (which is really tacky), and second of all, he missed a golden opportunity to talk to someone he was interested in...because he was too busy playing with his cell phone.

Knowing full well at this point that Cute Guy isn't at all interested in me, I'm really not nervous about going up and talking to him. While my ex is playing with his cell phone, I get up, go over to the dance floor, and say, "Hey, my friend over there thinks you're really cute. You should go up there and talk to him--he's really shy, so he won't come up to you and say anything."

"Really?" he asks. "I've been looking at him ever since you walked in here, and I think he's totally hot."

"Go over there and talk with him, then," I said.

Said he, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. He thinks you're really cute--he wants to talk to you."

So Cute Guy goes up and talks to The Ex. It really was a rather cute scene--in a lot of ways it was very innocent how they both said hi to each other and how they reacted to one another. Sex didn't seem to be on their minds; they just wanted to get to know each other better.

Being all-wise as I am, I decided to gracefully step out for a moment to make a phone call and let the boys talk. When I stepped back inside the club, I noticed they were in the back lounge area talking, and so I went up and simply said, "Goodnight" to the both of them. My ex had a look like, "What are you doing?!" on his face. After all, we'd gone there for the sole purpose of being bitter together, and I did ride in his car with him to the club. But it's only about 12 blocks or so from my apartment, so it wasn't that big of a deal to walk. So again, I gracefully exited the club; this time, for good.

It's 1:10 a.m. as I write this sentence, and I haven't heard from my ex. That's a good thing. That means he's still with the boy. Lord knows if something bad happened, I'd be the first to hear about it (and to catch the blame). The longer I don't hear from him, the better. I sent him a text message telling him to call me if he gets the chance tonight and let me know what happens.

In all honesty, I hope he doesn't have a chance to read it until tomorrow.