why me......

el's picture

i thought i got past this stage but.....
well, i guess when you get a little depressed, you start thinking.......

why do i have to be gay?? sigh.......
being gay limits my dating pool (at press time, non-existant)

being gay makes me wonder all the time about others

being gay means my feelings are unrequited 99% of the time
the 1% when i'm lucky enough falls through cause both assumes the other is straight

being gay means i can't talk about my feelings or crushes cause everyone will be horrified

being gay makes me fall all the wrong people

being gay makes me self-conscious

being gay makes me constantly in fear of being found out

being gay means i have to be careful about my actions and when i meet new ppl cause the last thing i want is to fall for them

sigh..... i know i should come out....... but i'd like to wait till i can survive on my own. not when i still have to depend on others.......

Comments

adbak's picture

As Friedrich Nieztsche said....

"What does not destroy me makes me stronger." If you survive (you will) you'll be a better person for it. Being gay doesn't limit you, the heterosexist society that we live in today does.

But don't let it limit you.

Rather, let it expand you. And as you change, change it too. The shackles are only in your mind; break them. :)

DiscSpinnerDude's picture

That's pretty much (finger on

That's pretty much (finger on the nose kinda way) exactly how I feel sometimes. Thanks, adbak, because your comment applies to me, too. And E.L. - things'll look up. *hugs* =)

dazed and confused's picture

*raises hand* me too...

I know we don't know each other but I just wanted to say that what you've written is exactly how I feel sometimes. I mean, I'm out, I'm joining a GLB committee, and I *still* feel this way all too often. I'm hoping that as I'm out longer and maybe (hopefully) find a girlfriend, my self confidence/comfort-level will improve and things will get better... Anyways, I apologize for babbling, but your post just totally connected with the feelings I'm battling right now. My AIM name is xphileatnd if you're ever interested in chatting/ranting :)

~Tiffany

Renfaerie's picture

the limitation

the limitation is only what you let yourself feel. its like peer pressure. but not. hopefully that made sense. I feel the limitation to like i think everyone else does sometime in their life. its like a raincloud that will stay over our heads, to reminds us that there are those people who think that we have forsaken God, until we are thought of as regular people by everyone, or at least mostly everyone. There are a good number of people that do think us regular 'normal' people but there seems to be enough holding us back from our marraige rights. but what i'm trying to say is, don't worry to much about what others may think of you. Most of the time other people won't know your gay unless you tell them. As for not sharing your feelings, writing them down in a journal helps. You could always talk to a guidance counsoler if you feel comfortable enough talking to another person about your feelings. I was terrified when i first realized i was lesbian. I kept my feelings bottled up until one day i just broke down. i spent half the day in the guidance office, fortunately i had a friend there to help me. sort of anyways. most of the counsolers were off on a field trip an i didn't feel confortable talkin to another counsoler so i was stuck. but my friend told me to write down my feelings and expiriances, and that saved me. i wrote them down, and i became more comfortable with myself and more confident. but im just rambling. those are just some suggestions. dont worry, you'll become more comfortable with yurself in time. And come out when your ready. you dont have to push it. And thank you adbak for that inspiring comment!:)

unicornz's picture

yah..

yah i think we can all relate to this. *sigh* but you know you get back up and you see pride parade on tv and you realize on in ten in ALOT of ppl. society sux but keep ure head up and ull meet someone just like yourself. its hard but well make it! be proud!!