Red Everywhere

Spirit1313's picture

I haven't blogged in ages. Sorry. Lynn and mum's CU has gotten a little out of hand and for some unknown reason they are consulting me on every single detail. Right. Well I know nothing about CUs or weddings for that matter, so I guess I am just glad that they have some faith in me....I sure as hell don't.

I am not getting along with the whole human population at this point. Everyone who crosses my path inevitably gets into an argument with me. Well atleast most people do. And usually its my fault somehow. Or thats how it feels.

"Its all a whirlwind of emotions that I am caught up in. I struggle against it, but it pulls me back in every time. Fighting is completely inane. Theres no way out, there has never been and there probably never will be. So now what? I guess I get to live with it. A constant battle that I can never win. What a pity.....

I don't expect anyone to understand that, I never do. I don't expect much from people. Me on the other hand, I expect a lot of myself. A LOT. I hold myself up to the highest standards and I can never reach them. I criticize myself up and down, and I am never happy with my appearance inside and out. *shrug*

There are some nasty habits one should never fall into twice. Yet, they are always there as a net to catch you when you need a way out. It might not be the best way, its probably miles away from the best method, but its a coping mechanism and at the time thats what you need. And so you fall back, once, maybe twice. Always vowing never again. And yet, there it is one day, knocking at your conscience, beating down your resistance, fighting its way back into your daily routine."

Thats an excerpt from my Live Journal. Dont ask, Cause i dont know. Just seemed easier to copy and paste this because i couldnt word it correctly a second time. *shrug*

Comments

Beryl's picture

I still think you're beautiful....

I know cutting is a coping method, and although Im saddened that you need to, if you do you do, and I won't ever judge you for that. But I just want you to know that I do care, believe it or not, and although Im never home (:( ) you can always call and I would love to talk to you when you feel like you need too. Im sorry Im never around for you....