Tonight is the coming out week party. It's going on as I type and I'm sitting here. Why? Because I really can't stand the music and I'm kinda sick of it. It's all ultra-pop/bad pop and I can't get into enough to dance. I was trying too. Really trying and I couldn't do it. I would just look around with this, OMG this sucks look on my face and hope they play some Outkast. The Outkast wouldn't come though. They didn't even play any Michael Jackson and he's the king of pop. I ended up doing something thai haven;t done in a very long time and that is to leave in the middle of the party. Normally I would just chalk this up to a bad DJ and mark is as a crappie weekend but this is the 3rd of three queer parties that I've really not enjoyed. Right before I left my friend came up to me and said "I'm sorry, you just don't fit in." He was joking and maybe a little tipsy but those words had merit. Maybe I just don't fit in. If half the queer people on this campus are at the party and enjoying themselves then maybe there is something wrong with me. I don't have many close friends in that community, I go to events but i don't mingle. I don't drink!
I fucking hat this, being pissed off every time I go to a gay party. Having the party suck for one reason or another. Only getting along with lesbians and some people of color. Praying that the music that I live with be outside of my head and through the speakers, that I can walk into this setting and not feel like an outsider. It pisses me off. But I have to go back. I'm bar-tending from 12:30 to 1.