Wrong...All Over Again...

Spirit1313's picture

I am wrong. My world is wrong. Everything is wrong.

Okay. Well at the moment everything seems wrong. Even though somewhere in all the darkness, there is light. Somewhere.

Lost my job today. I wanted thursdays off, they said fine. I come back to work and they say the girl they hired to work thursdays needs more than one day a week to work so they gave her three, i will work two days a week. i think thats completely unfair but two is better then none. i walk in today and they tell me that the girl needs to work the full week or she cant pay for the car she couldnt afford to buy. i am out of a job. how that works i do not know and i dont think i will ever know. i was hired first. i wanted one day a week to myself. was that really too much to ask? i guess so. i do intend to speak my mind tomorrow before they leave. since they made it sound like letting me work tomorrow is some sort of privilege when all i wanted to do today was get the hell outta there. *sigh*

i was doing so well and then, or now, i have ruined it. i hadnt fallen back in so long. i had used other things to get me through. but tonight, i dunno, something was different and i broke. i gave in to that ache, that need for something. that habit i had fought so hard to ignore. i had to. i had locked the urges out, fought them back, ignored their pleading. until tonight. i just couldnt take it anymore. had to do something, anything. and thats what i did. completely stupid of me. but i dont know, theres something about it thats so satisfying for a while. its a distraction, a different kind of pain. the sharp edge, the feel that you need. *shudders* its terrible. i am terrible.

well yah. had to get that out before it happened again. it shouldnt have happened in the first place but i am at an all new breaking point, an edge i have never seen. looking down into a black, chasm, just waiting to catch me when i fall, only to let me fall forever. a puppet with no control. every move made for me.something is definitely wrong with me.....

Comments

lilyprodigious's picture

*hugs*

Life is broken up into phases, good and bad.. .and you cant tell them apart untill youre looking bacxk on them. Thats what I've decided over my weekend ordeal. I hope you can ifnd a new job, they odnt deserve you anyway. *hugs again*

Spirit1313's picture

Thanks guys...

Turns out that the girl they have hired, was the girl who worked there before me and went to college. She moved back and called to get her job back...and they gave it to her. *pout* yah. I have habits, but nothing thats going to hinder my life. I dont do it to kill myself or come anywhere close to it. Its a pain thing. I cant really explain it. But I guess its because it gives me something to blame my pain on.....But anyway, thank you a lot.
~Lisa Faery~

morbid intentions 666's picture

bastards.....

that girl probably slept w/ the bastards to convince them..

lMl ~o~ lMl ..stupid horny..Fu(l{ing @$$-holes!!! raHH!!! i wish i can strangle them!! (u can strangle me if i do that)....sorry i had to get that out...:P..wanna joinz?

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"keep ur thorns,cuz m running away" -Mudvayne
"love,love,love,send me your love,simply not enough"-i dunno who tell me plz:)

Beryl's picture

Thats...

complete bs, they shouldn't be able to do that. She left, it was your job now.
Oh sweetie... You were doing so well, and I know you can do it again. You are such a strong person, I know you can fight it; ok, you slipped up once, but you regret it and you still have more chances.