The Return of the Queen

TheSoko's picture

Whooo! It's been what... not since last winter that I've posted here? Muchly has happened since then, but definitely for the better. I'm out to all my friends and the swim team/polo team/etc. Still have to come out to my siblings which shouldn't really be scary but it is... meh. I will get to it one day...

This time around... No hiding... no false names. I'm done with hiding.

I think I left off here falling for this cutie named Jake. And he was kind of dating this other cutie named Chris. They lasted 7 weeks I think. I was talking with Chris online after they had broke up. Turned out Chris was this really awesome guy, and so we started talking about possibly dating in the future. This was a completely open and honest relationship(well... more on that later).

So I'm talking with this Chris fella online and he's really cool. But I'm still seeing Jake every day at school as well, and I still have feelings for him. What twisted webs our hearts can weave. I think there were a couple weeks of moping about, when I finally decided to just go for Jake. I asked him for a date at the beach. So rampant flirting takes place the whole week beforehand. There were even rumors that we were making out in the halls... People are strange like that.

At the beach we were being simultaneously stalked by a duck, and a friend, April, who was also hosting a german exchange student who came along as well. Jake explained to me his deathly fear of water, but overall the afternoon was awesome. AFterwards Jake and I were like "Aww... This could work..." I seem to have trouble thinking clearly when in a post-date euphoria.

So for the next day or so we're all snuggley still. And of course there's a catch. It wasn't until then that I realized I was the one initiating all the contact between us. Not the position I want to be in. I start backing off a bit throughout that week, and notice that yeah... I am the one initiating everything...

Le sigh. I admit, I was sort of playing games with him, which I despise... And if I were braver we probably could have worked it out. And I feel so guilty for saying this... but Chris was still in the back of my mind. Poor lonely Chris, and I was running off for this Jake feller. I was stupid, and wrote Jake a letter saying this isn't the role I want to play in a relationship blah blah, I'd love to still be a good friend blah blah. And the rest of the year things were quite terse between us. I feel so bad about the whole thing. He moved to Arizona this past summer with his dad and loves it there, so I guess that's good for him.

Soo, now I had a date lined up with Chris. And we dated several times throughout the summer. We started getting a little more serious in July, and up to that point everything was peachy. He's just the coolest guy I've met. And in retrospect, hot too... ;)

Annyway, he seems to be a little distant once we start getting serious, and things just gradually fell apart until the beginning of august when we just broke up. He just seemed to have drifted away. He apparently was getting tired of me. Meh. We are still good friends, which is good. And we both agreed that perhaps sometime in the future we can try again. And we are still good friends, which I appreciate. :)

At that point I was quite glad to be single. And the school year had just started, so things were a bit crazy for those first few weeks anyway. Buuut I've been single since about august and haven't seen any other completely out gay guys other than my good friend Cameron. There's a few bi guys here and there at my school, but it seems like there's tons of closet cases as well. Which is driving me crazy. Bonkers even. Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

Buut since this fall I feel like I have obtained an excellent group of supportive and awesome friends that I love dearly. If I named them all I'd probably leave someone out by mistake and then I'd feel bad. So maybe they'll be a story for another day. They more than make up for being single, and having them around complaining about loneliness kind of feels petty.

The Gay Staright Alliance we formed last year at my school is still going well. The administration just released an actual policy regarding non-curricular clubs a couple weeks ago that is just beastly(10 pages long... ugh). We had to ask an ACLU attourney to work a few things out with the school district's attourney, but all is well. Since I'd been doing a lot of politicking as well and getting us more or less organized, I have promoted myself to Vice President. Hooray. Tomorrow's meeting we are talking about same-sex marriages and some leftovers from October Gay History month since we had an unexpected but very welcome guest speaker one day.

And that's my queer life in a nutshell. How did I get into this nutshell? Who knows.

If I neglect to update this frequently you can still keep up with me here". I would really love to start participating here again. *mwahs* I've missed you all dearly!

This is actually going to hopefully be a mirror of my other blog at so I can participate in this community as well as the rest of my friends at Xanga. Annnd my account here wasn't actually discovered by anybody, so I guess that's good.



Tiki's picture


:) missed ya kiddo

Dreaming of the Blue Hawaiian Diner...

adbak's picture

Welcome back!

Welcome back!