Coming Out

tigerandamy's picture

I have been doing a lot of thinking about coming out to my parents in the past
couple months. I really want to tell them because I am sure of who I am but
then I decide that I can't possibly tell them yet because what if I am not sure.
I keep waiting until I find someone to date so that I can be sure and then I
can bring them home and be like mom this is so and so my girlfriend. But that
will take awhile since I am out to like no one at college and it's a jesuit
catholic college. I guess the point of all this is I would like some advice on
coming out to parents. How to do it, when is the right time, what not to do,
and stuff like that. Can anyone out there help me and calm my nerves over it


adbak's picture

Coming out

Coming out.... Such a cautious subject. However, with the right attitude and integrity, you can surpass all odds.

My advice would be to not wait until you get a girlfriend to bring her home and introduce her as such -- that might shock both your parents and your girlfriend and place your girlfriend in an uncomfortable position. If you are still questioning and/or undecided in your sexuality, then perhaps it would be less stressful if you told your parents that. Of course that would leave yourself open to them goading you to live the "straight life".

My advice would be to hold no secrets from your parents. Be open to them. Tell them that you are unsure of your sexuality, but whatever you may find it to be, it will not change a thing -- you will still be yourself. Once you are sure and firmly set in your sexuality, make sure that your parents are aware of that so they do not say anything to offend you.

Above all else, brace for the worst, hope for the best. This way, you are not disappointed no matter the outcome.

Here are some links for your perusal:

I wish you the best of luck. Feel free to contact me if you want any more advice or just someone to talk to. :)

gwyneth's picture


It might be difficult to introduse your future girlgriend to them, because if they flip it might be very hurtful to all of you.

personaly i advise waiting 'til you are sitting down at dinner to gether, or have time alone with one of them (or both) then just say it..

v a n d a l's picture

the way i came out to my mum

the way i came out to my mum was the way everyone says you shouldnt... in an argument. pretty funny now. she actually took it really well. i was going to do the whole waiting to be in a relationship thing, and then i was in one... but it just was never the right timing. when we broke up i was upset and all for days and my mum accused me of being in trouble with drugs or money and i said something along the lines of "what do you want to know mum?" she said "i want to know why you're so upset" so i came out with the "em broke up with me, are you happy now?!?" she took about three steps back (relatively speaking, she was actually driving at the time haha) and said sorry and told me i should concerntrate on work haha. but all was well with the actual being gay part.

she still finds it odd at times. its not like we talk openly about who i date, but we never talked about boys i was dating either. sometimes people are a lot more open than you give them credit for. just be yourself. do what you feel right doing. the truth comes out eventually one way or another, its upto you to decide how that happens i guess. good luck *hugs*

morbid intentions 666's picture


dont come out until ur sure u dont need their help! they might not
pay 4 ur collage if u com out & piss them off :P

should i come out? :P
"keep ur thorns,cuz m running away" -Mudvayne
"simply being loved, loved, loved -- it's more than enough"-BT

Piper's picture

i think you should wait until

i think you should wait until you're perfectly
sure who you are and like adbak said,bringing
a girlfriend with you while telling them may
put her in an uncomfortable position.if your
parents are homophobes then telling them may cause
a fight between you and your parents.if you dont
know if they are then ask them what they think of
homosexuality and if they're ok with it and your
sure who you are,tell them.i dont know if there is
a right time cause it'll be a shock no matter when
you tell them,but try not to tell them when they're
pissed or angry.good luck i hope everything goes
good for you.