No, I’m not going to pretend that she doesn’t affect me. Already I’ve spent too many precious hours denying and confirming my denial rather than facing the light that I know I so desperately need. The myriads of emotions in me seem endless...and she's at the source. Why??
I submitted to the longest nights of my life, trying to ward off thoughts that poured onto my spirit like black rain — the needing of the unreasonable…of the forbidden. These times stained the beginnings of my teen-hood, for even I who controlled them could not make them end fast enough to save myself from scars that would last forever.
So yes, she affects me. She controls me with every flick of her eyes around the room, with even the faintest of smiles, and with every glorious second she wastes her life on me. I am only a dying torch, flickering with the weakest of illumination, all for her, as she walks the straight road of her life.
When she passes me by, I think I shall finally burn out.