Putting the "Man" back in manic depression

TeeAhr1's picture

I slept the whole day through. I do that when I'm depressed, it's one of my personal warning signs, so to speak. I've just had such a shit week, nothing I try to plan seems to work out.

Intellectually, I know that a lot of this is artificial; I'm still in the "coming off the drugs" stage, which fucks with the brain chemicals like you couldn't imagine unless you've had to go through it. But knowing that doesn't help me too bloody much, and it certainly doesn't make it go away.

I still want drugs. A lot. A goddamn lot. And I could get them. Goddamned easily. But I've invested too much self-esteem in this thing, and I can't turn back now without losing what tattered threads of self-respect I've still got. It's an interesting recovery I'm running here. It's not that the drugs are going to kill me, though they are. It's not that they destroy everything I try to accomplish, though they do. It's that they make me feel like I've got no balls. It's totally a cock-measuring contest, me against the dope. But dammit, my cock is bigger. And I'm going to prove it. The harder it gets, the more sure I am.

That's all, folks, just needed to vent a little. Thanks for being there.

-pete

Comments

TeeAhr1's picture

Cock. We love it.

Both. Definately.

TeeAhr1. Raving batshit loony? Or HOPE FOR MAN??

Dragon's picture

You can do it, we all have fa

You can do it, we all have faith in you... Personally, I can't say I know how you feel, I've never touched drugs, booze, or even had sex... but I am a former cutter and I know what the battle can be like.

~dragon~

Tiki's picture

oh

i assumed our kid was talking about anti-depressants, which u have to reduce the dose of bit by bit so you don't have badass side effects.

:) bring it, buddy! kick every miligram in the ass!




Dreaming of the Blue Hawaiian Diner...

TeeAhr1's picture

Fight the good fight

Actually, it's methamphetamines, some of the most vile shit ever concocted by man. Big fat line of slow death, anyone? I did do the "kick these damn pills out the door" schtick a few years ago, though, that was no more fun, even if the process was a little gentler. Anyhow, thanks for the encouragement, y'all, moral support means a lot to Pete right now. btw, Dragon, you're absolutely right, take it from someone in a position to know. Addiction is addiction, whether you're using your razor blade to cut up a rock or cut up your ankle. It's hard as hell, and there's never a time in your life when you can say "I'm fine, I don't have a problem anymore." You just cope, and live through it. Or you don't. Let's, eh? A toast to the junkies...

-pete

TeeAhr1. Raving batshit loony? Or HOPE FOR MAN??

adrian's picture

Hey.

I am rather fond of methamphetamines myself .. and hallucinogens , and many many other interesting illicit chemicals. However, for some reason i get the feeling you are referring to something harsh like pseudo-ephedrine.. ie. diet pills. These things dont have the kick, but have the worst comedown ever. I used to have an eph dependence problem until i almost had a nervous breakdown at the age of 19 ( i was working 3 high paying tech contracting jobs AT THE SAME TIME). So no more diet pills for me.

Methcathinone is quite big here in johannesburg , but it doesnt have ANYWHERE as bad a comedown as ephedrine, although it's only a single oxygen molecule away from it. It's the active chemical of the leaves of the Khat plant, which has been chewed for hundreds of years in northen africa.

But you will know what's best for your body, so please don't think i am glamourizing them chems. If you ever need to chat to someone who's been there , don't hesitate to message me =) (my aim is vertice123 )

---
Adrian
Putting the HEAD back into Hedonism