Am I Bi?

ElementChik2635's picture

Ok.. So ever since my cousin came out and told me she was Bi, I started questioning my own sexuality. Sure, I've had boyfriends, but no big major relationship. And I keep having odd dreams, about me making out with girls from school. I know I am probobly the only one who can say If I am Bi or not... but does anyone have some advise? Thx
~Britt

JanetBoy7's picture

Sounds familiar

Hmmmm... My cousin came out before me too. He soon moved away so I was here to deal with my own thoughts by myself. It was hard at first I was always telling my self in high school that "It’s not right to think about the things I was thinking about (boys)" Soon I just couldn't take it anymore. Three years later I can talk openly with most of my friends and that hella cool.

Peace,
jboy
-Theres always tomorrow.

Bluesong's picture

Hmm

It's seems normal for you to question yourself after someone telling you their orientation. I was questioning myself before one of my friends told me they were bi. I did some research and I realized that was indeed bi myself. I had crushes on gils but it was aquward and I didn't understand it at all. When you start staring at a girl in class while you have a crush on a guy. Welcome to my life. I used to like boys a lot but now I like girls a lot. I still like boys but not as much. I don't know if this helps, but you will figure it out in time. Don't force it.

"I choose to be myself no matter what the world says I should be."

adbak's picture

The first person you ever nee

The first person you ever need to come out to is yourself. It's also the hardest person you'll ever come out to. I'm not saying you should come out to anyone (even yourself) as bi, but take a step back and examine yourself from an unbiased point of view. Introspect.

Having dreams of making out with girls does not make you bi. Neither does actually making out with girls. If you have genuine feelings, sexual or otherwise, for girls, then you are bi. When you think to yourself if you can have said genuine feelings for other girls don't let your preconception of bis taint the way you look at yourself and your feelings, that will only muddle things and make it harder for you to view yourself.

Does the concept of gender matter at all to you? (To get us all on the same page: sex is your biological reproductive disposition, gender is your ascribed patterns of thoughts and actions. More simpler, sex is between your legs and gender is between your ears.) If you don't care about masculine or feminine traits then perhaps you are bi.

I can't tell you if you are or aren't, only you can. And you already know that.

suffragettecity's picture

to bi or not to bi (stupid pun)

The only person who can determine your sexuality is yourself, but there is a possibility that maybe your fantasies about girls are a response to some kind of stress you're having about your previously "straight" cousin admitting that she is bi. Also, not having any significant relationships alone shouldn't be taken as an indicator of bisexuality - it was a while before I had a really significant relationship with another man, but that's not cause for questioning my homosexuality.

You should take a step back and ask yourself these questions: 1) what is my emotional reaction to my dreams about girls? 2) do I often find myself fantasizing about girls while I'm awake? 3) Do these fantasies come about naturally (i.e. are they not forced)? 4) Do I ever feel clearly attracted to other girls?

Griffy's picture

Interesting

If you ask me, I think you should just slow down and not worry about labeling yourself, which seems impossible in a world full of them, but what I mean is that if you think that you're bi today, you might not tomorrow. Do what your heart tells you to do, if you feel attracted to a girl or something that doesn't mean that you are going to fit into the bi 'box' forever... That's what's hard with 'coming out to yourself' is realizing if you really are going to be this way, and for me that was a hard 3 years of guilt and stuff, but only cause I was trying to label myself by what I thought I SHOULD be... If you can, just do what your heart tells you. 'Cause you don't want to wake up two years from now and realize that you might not be that way anymore, and you've alread told a bunch of people. I've gone back and forth between gay and bi, and I tell most people I'm gay [that I trust, I'm not out yet], but sometimes I wonder if I'm bi sorta... You've got nothing to prove to anyone.

-Griff

Anonymous's picture

Don't worry too much about la

Don't worry too much about labeling yourself. I did, and still am a little bit. But try to pay attention to your feelings more. If you like a guy, you like a guy. If you like a girl, you like a girl. All that really matters is your feelings, and if you do what you feel is right when it comes to dating and relationships. Don't stress over the labels. A label doesn't make you who you are. I hope everything works out for you!!

kess's picture

labels suck

I agree with not worrying about labels... right now i'm going through a "phase or not a phase" phase, as in i'm wondering if i'm bi, or straight. but then all of a sudden i realized, hey, who cares, i love who i love, right? and i did like that dream i had about making out with a girl :D anyways, now i'll just wait until i see that girl again and i'll find out if i'm actually attracted to her in real life or whether i somehow had an image of making out with a girl combined with the feeling of making out with a guy in my dreams...
besides, i think that how straight/gay/whatever they want to call it you are always changes. i mean, i'm only (i think!) attracted to girls that are more butch but for guys anything goes! and i would really hate for someone to create a new label for me based on that. just something to think about! luv- kess

Demonic_Punk's picture

Dealing with EXACT same thing

Well my step-cousin came out to me last year when I was 13 and told me she was bi. I was questioning it myself; was I bi? That entire year I was thinking about it through my head. I realized it this year when I had my first girl crush. Now I currently lable myself as bi. You should ask yourself if you think two girls kissing and stuff;if that's nasty to you. Also, be aware that if you are bi, be ready to accept yourself, and if you plan on telling people be ready for some negative reactions as well as support, and a few lost friends or awkward relationships. TELL THE RIGHT PEOPLE because I didn't and my entire grade knows -_-. Just ask yourself as well "Would I feel comfortable going furthur than 'just friends' with a girl?" If you're not sure it's fine to experiment! I've done it, and that's when I knew for sure that I was bi. If you are able to like/love that person the same or similar to the way you can like/love a guy, than you are probably bi.

Lol, as you can tell I have a lot of experience on this. Hope it helped! ;-)

-Demonic_Punk

Ema_lxl's picture

Do you like these dreams. the

Do you like these dreams. they dont mean anything unless you do.

Emma xxxxxx

Cheyennelovesu15's picture

hmmm...

Well have you ever been with a girl sexually before? You are probably just having these dreams and are paranoid about being gay because someone close to you told you that they are gay. Just experiment and see what you like. I mean if you dream you are going to marry your dog or something it doesn't mean you are attracted to your dog. Unless of course you do want to marry your dog or actually do want to be sexually active with your dog. Ewwww. ok thats just sick and not a very good example. Scratch that. lol. All I am saying is it is just a dream. Unless you really want the dream to come true then dont go drive yourself crazy about it. Like I said experiment and see what you like.

-Cheyenne

the mouse that roared's picture

Well

You don't have to be with a girl or a guy to know you're attracted to girls or guys. But experimenting is a good idea, as long as you're careful.

predisposed's picture

Pretty much, if you ever look

Pretty much, if you ever look at a girl and think about how great it would be to be with her, you are bi.