HI! *tries to make a triumphant return, slips on ice and falls flat on my ass* well. Yah. Welcome back to me.
I don't know where to even begin on this. Heh. The world keeps moving and damn it, I can just never keep up. You know how theres always that one little kid tripping on their untied shoelaces? Well, thats me. Lol. I am the queen of analogies. "Its like poking a sleeping cat in the eye...BAD IDEA."
Anyway, the shit hit the fan so to speak, about three weeks ago, maybe two...I don't remember. You see, sometime before someone IMed me with some copied and pasted lines from my sister's live journal. Frankly, I knew she had a lj and I had no interest in reading it. However, the lines they sent me were fairly strange so I informed my mother. My mother took it upon herself to hunt down my sister's lj and read the entire thing. Ad payback, my sister hunted down my lj and led my mother to it. So. My mom knows EVERYTHING. About my cutting, my depression, my panic attacks, my everything. She confronted me about it. She seemed rather calm about it, which was weird.
This past tuesday I learned the hard way why she was so calm. Shes going to lash out at me, little by little while simultaneously trying to hook me up with every girl she sees that she thinks I would look "cute" with. Its insanity at its finest.
So lets see, on tuesday she informed me that I am TRYING to be a disappointment. I don't want to go to college. And I am cutting to be like my sister. The last part couldnt be further from the truth. My sister cut twice right on her wrist. She did it because a friend did it and she thought she was cool. She did it and never did again. I do not cut on my wrists nor would I ever. I am not looking to committ suicide. I am not doing it to be "cool" or be like a friend. I wish she would understand that.
And of course I want to go to college. I just dont know which one specifically and what for. She cut out my number one college because she doesnt want me going there.
Third of all, I am not TRYING to be a disappointment. Who tries to be that? I thought I was improving. Apparently I was wrong.
Deep down, I really can be a good kid. I wish she would see that. And I use to value the close relationship we had. But every time, she blows me off and fucks it up. And I cant handle that again.
Well, thats it for now. *curtsies* Thanks for reading for so long. Catcha later!