I came out to you, showed you what I am inside. Let you see the real me. You read my writings. What more do you want?
So I'm not the perfect daughter you expected. I havent fufilled your every wish, made your dream come true. Thats not a reason to hold the world against me. I am trying my best to be everything to you. I know thats not the way it should be in your mind. I shouldnt have to try I should just be, is that how it is? Well, I am sorry to tell you this mother, I am not you. I am not a younger version of you. I can't just pick up where you left off.
I know thats what you want. You want me to be what you weren't. You would like to see me live the life you didn't. Start off on "the right foot". And whats so wrong with the way I have started? So I am not perfect. I have my inner demons. I battle a war with myself everyday. Who hasnt done that at some point? You arent perfect and neither am I. In that way we are the same.
This is me, mother. I will be eighteen on the eighth of May. My name is Lisa. I am blonde with blue eyes. I have piercings, three in each ear and a cartilidge piercing to be specific. Yes I intend to get more piercings, I intend to get a tattoo. I write. I listen to music. I sing. I LOVE to draw and paint.
This is me. I have red hot inner demons tearing me apart. My soul is a little frayed around the edges. I am bisexual. I have a strange sense of humor and one of my best features is my constant sarcasm. I listen well to others. I like to try and help when I can. I have lived through my own hells and you have created many of them. And yet I want to take those hells, learn from them,and help as many people as I can. Because if we can't learn from the worst, how can we make the best?
There it is mother. Out there in the open. There is more to me than meets the eye. I am my own person. I have my own fears, loves, interests, life. I have some of your features, I am your flesh and blood, you created me. But its up to me to take what you created, and shape it into the person who goes on in life and makes their own path. I am going to hold my own views, see what I see, look at the world from my point of view, and there is nothing you can do to change that.
So you see, mother, I am not living my life to spite you. Not at all. I am not trying to disappoint you, or be everything that you hate in this world. I am trying to make my own space in life. I am trying to keep up with everything. And damn it, I don't think I am doing that bad. I love you with all my heart, I love my dad, and I love my family. That includes Lynn. I am not as stubborn as you would like to believe. And I wish for just a second you would see me for the young woman I have become, not the young woman I HAVEN'T become.