Visualization

ACCgirl's picture

My apologies for being gone so long. Life is hell sometimes.

Right now? Only the space heater keeps me warm amid the cold ache of wondering where she is and what she’s doing. Someone’s love song is playing on the radio in the background and I guess I’d get up and go turn it off if I felt like at least attempting to forget her. It’s funny how I can relate more to male singer’s songs than to a female’s. But it’s all straight. And it sometimes seems so perfect for straight lovers...so innocent and smiled upon.

For me I know it’d be something like:
You’re in love? How wonderful!
What? With a girl? So you’re...[silence]
What’s wrong with you?

What is wrong with me, really? It’s so easy for my friends not to fall in love with each other…and yet not for me. Why do I love a friend of four years?

And she’s such a distraction, damnit. Instead of finishing up my biology, I sit here trying to visualize what it would be like holding her in my arms and actually telling her that I love her…full out. Not hinting to it, or being petrified of how she might react if I show her. It’s a beautiful image, really. Me and her.

Why then do I deny to myself that I’m thinking of it?

Comments

random's picture

so...

have you been in love with her for a long time or did it just sort of hit you? and do you know for sure she's straight?

ACCgirl's picture

I've loved her

...for about a year and half now, more than friends anyway. And considering the love of her life is a male, I'm pretty convinced she's straight. Maybe someday I'll actually let that sink in and show myself she's not worth loving. In the meantime I'll just stick to hating him with a passion.
She knows I'm a lesbian though.
That's always good.