When I told my first non-Oasis person that I was bi, I thought telling people
would become an 'addiction'. That is the way many people described it, and I
thought it would be the same with me. I felt different after telling her...not
great, but a bit relieved. I've found, however, that I still don't tell people
when the chance arrives. Here are two case studies, submitted for your approval:
1) Chatting with two female friends that I ran into at University, between
classes. On Sat. night, I met one of these friends' new boyfriend. She asked me
what I thought. I said that I met him briefly, we didn't talk much, I don't know,
etc. I also said: "Also...how do I say this without sounding shallow...I think
he's attractive, and that's always nice." My friends kind of looked at me like
"OK, why would he say something like that?" At the time, I thought "Should I tell
them that I'm bi? Now's a good time as any!" But, I didn't. We just continued
chatting about the rest of the night, said bye, and walked on. They might start
creating theories, etc., but I don't know. Should I have said something?
Probably! But why didn't I? What held me back?
2) Doing the dishes with my mum (doesn't know I'm bi), while my sister (who
knows I'm bi) told us about her school day. We got onto the topic of prom. I
wasn't going to go to my school prom (I was bitter with the whole notion of prom
--I still am, actually, but that's another story), but I changed my mind (or friends changed my mind for my mind) at the last minute. We were talking about dates. My sister says she'll
probably go, but she won't have a date. Not only is the girl to boy ratio
extrememly high, but she claims to hate many of the boys at her school
(ugly, ego-fed, stupid, cocky, etc.). My mum said, "Daniel went, and he didn't
have a date." I said, "Well, I wasn't going to go until the last minute". My
sister said, in jest, "He didn't have a date because he's so ugly!" My mum said,
"No! He's cute! [Thanks, ma!] He had lots of female friends!" I responded, "Yeah,
and I also had lots of male friends," simply to dispel the notion that I had
female friends because they wanted to date me.
(*Note: At the time of my prom, I thought I was completely straight.) Should
now have been the time to say, "And, as a matter of fact, I'm bisexual"? Again,
a good a time as any! I'm no longer questioning: I might as well start telling
...Yes, I agree with myself, but I still can't do it! Why is that? What is
holding me back? The first time is the hardest, right? Or wrong? I don't know!