It's kinda strange...

Dan84's picture

When I told my first non-Oasis person that I was bi, I thought telling people
would become an 'addiction'. That is the way many people described it, and I
thought it would be the same with me. I felt different after telling her...not
great, but a bit relieved. I've found, however, that I still don't tell people
when the chance arrives. Here are two case studies, submitted for your approval:

1) Chatting with two female friends that I ran into at University, between
classes. On Sat. night, I met one of these friends' new boyfriend. She asked me
what I thought. I said that I met him briefly, we didn't talk much, I don't know,
etc. I also said: " do I say this without sounding shallow...I think
he's attractive, and that's always nice." My friends kind of looked at me like
"OK, why would he say something like that?" At the time, I thought "Should I tell
them that I'm bi? Now's a good time as any!" But, I didn't. We just continued
chatting about the rest of the night, said bye, and walked on. They might start
creating theories, etc., but I don't know. Should I have said something?
Probably! But why didn't I? What held me back?

2) Doing the dishes with my mum (doesn't know I'm bi), while my sister (who
knows I'm bi) told us about her school day. We got onto the topic of prom. I
wasn't going to go to my school prom (I was bitter with the whole notion of prom
--I still am, actually, but that's another story), but I changed my mind (or friends changed my mind for my mind) at the last minute. We were talking about dates. My sister says she'll
probably go, but she won't have a date. Not only is the girl to boy ratio
extrememly high, but she claims to hate many of the boys at her school
(ugly, ego-fed, stupid, cocky, etc.). My mum said, "Daniel went, and he didn't
have a date." I said, "Well, I wasn't going to go until the last minute". My
sister said, in jest, "He didn't have a date because he's so ugly!" My mum said,
"No! He's cute! [Thanks, ma!] He had lots of female friends!" I responded, "Yeah,
and I also had lots of male friends," simply to dispel the notion that I had
female friends because they wanted to date me.
(*Note: At the time of my prom, I thought I was completely straight.) Should
now have been the time to say, "And, as a matter of fact, I'm bisexual"? Again,
a good a time as any! I'm no longer questioning: I might as well start telling
people, right?

...Yes, I agree with myself, but I still can't do it! Why is that? What is
holding me back? The first time is the hardest, right? Or wrong? I don't know!

Comments, anyone?


Dezza's picture


Hi Dan,

I came out as Bi to my family and friends first then as Gay later on. The funny thing was that in past when questions of "who I was seeing" or who I found attractive...used to scare me to the bone in case i was found out. After I came out I was very layed back about people knowing my sexual identity. For most of my friends they were just relieved that I had a sexual identity. You'll find that now you’re not hiding your sexuality that you gain in confidence and when you meet new people you like that your preferences will usually just come up eventually in conversation..

To quote River Phoenix when he was questioned about being Gay he said “Man, where I park my dick at night is no ones business"....meaning, you are your personality and your nature and intelligence, not who you want to f*&^k.

Hope this makes sense


"Australia, where sexual boundaries are very blurred"....

mark84's picture

but i'm a homosexual

Hey there Dan,

Don't be so hard on yourself for not outting yourself when you had the chance. You'll have plenty of opportunities in life to out yourself.. I promise that. I totally agree that coming out was an
addiction at first. I find it easier to come out to girls first, only because their usually response like, " THAT IS SOOOO COOL". What I did
when I was first came out (WAY back in grade 12!!!) with my best friends was come out to them on a one on one basis, . I'd ask them things like, "How would you react if I was gay?", or with girls .. i'd be like "I have a huge crush on you.. no I don't i'm gay". I try not to make it sound negative in anyway.. How you react usually
affects the way others do.

Anwyways, I hope this helps you.. I also have some good coming
out lines here from "The Homo Handbook" by June Carter (she's like
the lesbian version of Margeret Cho:

1. There's the simple approach " There's been something I've been meaning to tell you..."

2. As them if they have any gay friends. " Are you friends with any gay people?. If they say no, then say: "Well you are now".

3. Say: " Did you see the Oprah show with the gay (lesbian) go-go dancers? I could have gone on that show, except I can't dance

Anyways.. Let me know how you do !

Good Luck


Mark from the big T.O.

craZi_star00's picture

I like your ideas :)

I like your third one thats funny. I used the first one on my mum and bestfriend. It took me 6 months after coming out to my friends to tell my mum and over a year to tell my bestfriend.

C'est la vie.