More missed 'out' oppurtunities!

Dan84's picture

Hello there readers, insomniacs, and interlopers,

If you've read my last blog entry, you'll know that I'm being somewhat silly about outting myself to family and friends. I get all this great advice from you readers (you guys are awesome! Thanks!), and then I go and ignore it. All these great oppurtunities to out myself keep coming up. Do I use them? Nooo....

A few days ago, one of my parents' friends whose son is a gay activist (and also an old friend of mine-- we grew apart over the years) wrote an article in the newspaper. His article was about, well, gay activism, I guess. (A little more than that, but that's enough for brevity.) My mum and I started chatting about it at home. She even said something like "Oh, it must be hard to be gay". Did I retort with something like, "You think that's hard? Try being bisexual!" No, I remained silent! A perfect oppurtunity-- gone! Bah! What is the matter with me?!

Oh, I know: the identity change issue again (see "crucial entry" blog entry). I'll stop being Daniel, and I'll start being Daniel, our bisexual son, or Daniel, our bisexual friend. 'We'd better watch what we say around him. We wouldn't want to offend him because he's queer, you know.' I don't want that, dammit!

...But, it's going to happen eventually, right? I'm just delaying the inevitable! Oh, what to do!


ACCgirl's picture

It'll happen.

Since your mom sounds at least fairly accepting of homosexuality (the statement "Oh, it must be hard to be gay" is proof of at least some empathy), I would think you'll end up telling her someday. Cliché as it is, just wait until you feel you're totally ready instead of jumping at what you think is just a "good opportunity" to mention it. :)

michael1111ca's picture

Any chance she knows already?

Or suspects? It almost sounds like she was giving you an opening. But I don't know your situation, or what your mom is like, so maybe I'm totally off.

My mom just asked me about it. I said no, but I wasn't really out to myself at that point. When I brought it up to her later, she didn't think anything different about me. None of my family has treated me any different since I told them. It was almost a let down; I got all worked up about telling each of them, every time, and then they didn't think it was a big deal.

I'm starting to think that it's too much hassle to get worked up about it. Of course, with my family and where I live, being out isn't really an issue. If I lived somewhere else, and my family were someone else's, I'd have a very different perspective.

adbak's picture

"Oh, it must be hard to be ga

"Oh, it must be hard to be gay"

It seems to me that sympathizes with the plight of the queer community at least somewhat. That's always a good sign.

I can sympathize with you in not wanting to change the status quo. But it's much more liberating to be out.

Best of luck!

Dan84's picture

Thanks, and...

Thanks for your responses, everyone. I'm sure that my parents are accepting of diverse sexualities. I don't think they'll be overjoyed to hear that I'm queer, but I am certainly not fearing for my safety or anything. "It's hard to be gay", or whatever she said, was, I don't think, a hint to me. Just now, we were talking about names for my future kids. (Again, another chance to 'out' myself. Did I take it? No!)

Adbak, I think you hit this one on the nose; I don't want a change in the status quo. I'm probably one of the easier cases, in that my parents aren't homophobes, nor do I live in a hostile location. (i.e. Toronto vs. a small town). Still, it's surprisingly difficult to tell people. ~sigh.

Thanks, again, for all your comments. You guys are awesome!