1)I got up reluctantly this morning, already dreading the inevitable stand-off
between myself and the Costco box of Snickers in the freezer. Brushing my
teeth, I stared myself down in the mirror.
"You are in control of your own breakfast foods," I told myself. "Eat the
cottage cheese. You love cottage cheese! If you don't eat the cottage cheese
it will go bad. Don't be a cottage cheese waster."
"This isn't working," Mirror me replied. "There aren't any peanuts in cottage
cheese. And there certainly isn't any nougat."
"Look," I snapped. "You're not doing it. Stop giving in to this hedonism!
What, are you going to have a frozen Snickers every morning for the rest of
your life?? Show some control, Woman! Stand up to that candy bar! Snickers is
a tool of the Satan!"
Mirror me had to agree. Snickers was, in fact, a tool of the Satan. This was
made unerringly clear five minutes later when the freezer opened to reveal
the Snickers wearing nothing but a black bikini, cowboy boots, and a really
tiny feather boa.
The cottage cheese was wearing a rayon number from Goodwill that had a
bacon stain on the hem. And plastic Payless sandals.
2)Early this morning I dreamed that there was something in the side of my mouth
causing some slight pain. I looked in the bathroom mirror and saw there was
something shiny just barely sticking out of the corner of my mouth. When I
pulled it out I was surprised to find that what had been in my mouth was a
full sized clipboard. How it got in there I'll never know.
3)All the beautiful snow's melting rapidly. This morning I was in the parking
lot of a shopping center and noticed that the only snow visible was the
enormous, filthy piles from when the lot was cleaned off yesterday. A couple
of the piles were ten or more feet high. I suddenly had an urge to offer
someone money to climb to the top of one of them and scream, "I'm king of the
But there was noone else around.
So I did.
Am I the coolest person in the world or what?
4)Ooh! Here's a fun game. Think about something you really want, and then
consider what horrible, unrelated act you would be willing to commit in order
to attain that thing. For instance, I would be willing to set fire to my
friend's pillows in exchange for a really fast cable connection-- or a playstation.
Mediocre example, fun game. And it's obviously the sort of thinking that
spawned the Puppy video.
If anyone could tell me how to stick links in posts?
That'd be cool.
5)Last night I was upset when I couldn't find Fred. I thought for a minute
that maybe Fred had moved from the bathroom into the bedroom, but no luck.
I was actually still walking sort of slumped over this morning, eyes low,
hoping that Fred will surprise me.
Fred was a dust bunny. He was mostly hair, but he was some blue lint, too.
It's all really very sad.
Someone needs to clean the floors either more often or less often. We can't
keep handling this kind of heartache.