Sitting Here

Spirit1313's picture

There are times when you just don't want to be anymore. You want to disappear into the everything around you. Seep through the cracks in the old linoleum flooring, blend in with the discolored paint on the walls. Do anything just so no one wiil see you, no one will talk to you. But you can't do that. All the atoms, each and every molecule in your body won't conform and let you become invisible to the world. So you don't. You just sit and try to stay as quiet as possible, staring at that one spot on the wall. Just staring and staring...

I'm sitting here playing with a pocketknife. After I sat downstairs and played with matches out of the sheer fact that I couldn't locate a lighter. I am in a destructive mood. Towards myself mainly. I can't help it. If I was worthless enough to cheat on, then I don't see why I can't cut. Well, I do. But it would just add to the stories that my scars make. One hell of a story...

I feel this need to cut my finger or my hand or something just to see the blood. Just so I can know that I am still living and breathing and human. I feel numb. And used. And rejected.

I want to find someone who CARES. Someone who will love me for me. And I don't mean love in that "Lets go get hitched and be together forever" way. A person who will be willing to go to North Hampton with me and my mom and lynn for a weekend. I don't care if they are a guy or a girl. If they care about me and they can make me laugh and actually feel happy for once, thats all that matters right now. I need that. I crave that. I live for that.

Save me...

Comments

Beryl's picture

Im sorry I can't be what you

Im sorry I can't be what you need right now......