label tape

sprpuck's picture

my boyfriend has come to two family holidays now. it's a sticky situation because they don't know i'm trans. since in their eyes i'm a woman and as such a lesbian, in their eyes he is a girl. and i am called my birth name.

we visited my grandparents' house for easter. the morning went well - we were taking the ferry to get there which was something we have been meaning to do for a while. the ferry trip was so beautiful. we were very touchyfeely; we are always very touchyfeely, and that was okay. nobody gave us any shit and i realized that it's been a long time since anyone's bothered us about queerness (sometimes people make comments around gender, but nothing too bad - mostly just confusion). this lack of worry around gender has been interesting for me because i'm not as on-edge as i used to be - even in dangerous places like public buses and such. i used to be prepared for violence at all times and now my senses around that are less alert. that's bad both when you're genderqueer and when you're female (and so many other times. . .). but it's good, i guess, that i can feel so safe.

anyhow, we went to the grandparents' house. i am the oldest of four grandchildren. i'm eighteen and my stepbrother is fifteen, we have cousins who are six and nine. i'm still a kid in their eyes, though, always a kid. as such, whomever i'm dating is also a kid - even if they're twenty-three.

and that's okay. easter egg hunts are more fun when you get to watch your boyfriend being enchanted by the grass under his feet. when you get to cuddle with him on the couch while opening easter baskets, it's okay that the baskets are silly and juvenile.

the nine-year-old kid is a trip. the most exciting thing that was in any of his easter stuff was a label maker. the type where you punch letters into labels on tape. he spent half of the day amusing himself making labels and as part of it, he made labels for everybody there. he made my boyfriend one that was misspelled, a y on the end of his name instead of an ie. we smiled and tucked it in with our things.

later he came over and handed me one with my birth name on it. i gave a wry smile. . . looking at it, though? he had spelled that name wrong too.