Two new people joining the "In-the-know-about-Daniel's-sexuality" club!

Dan84's picture

Yep, that's two more people who know that I'm queer! Numbers two and three are my parents (number one being my sister). It actually went very closely to how I expected things to happen. But first, some context as to how this revelation came about.

Friday night, I'm at home as usual (religious house rule), and my sister's on the phone upstairs. After she gets off the phone, we were going to play some cards. So, I'm sitting downstairs with my parents, just chatting about stuff. Somehow, the topic of marriage was broached (in general terms-- I'm only 20, and I don't think they're trying to marry me off yet!). For a while, I've been attempting to drop subtle hints that I might be gay/bi, such as making random comments like "That guy [on TV] is hot," or "I might never get married," etc. These were attempts to 'soften' the news, when I would eventually say point-blank that I'm queer.

Well, I guess I wasn't obvious enough, or else they were so convinced that I was straight that they never really listened to me carefully. Again, I said something to the effect of "I might never get married," and they said "Oh, one day you'll find a nice girl who'll drag you into marriage". So, I decided that then was as good a time as any. I said something like "No, I really might never get married. You see, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. I'm pretty sure that I'm bisexual".

After the initial exchanges of "Really?" "Yeah." "Really?" "Yeah.", they were quite surprised. They had not expected this news at all! I've never had a serious girlfriend, and they figured it was because I would simply wait until after school to find one. Nope, sorry Mum and Dad, I'm more interested in guys!

Then we had a question and answer period. Are you dating anyone? When did you decide this (Ha!)? Who have you talked to about this? Have you had any counselling or support (G-d bless Oasis!)? Oh, and my personal favourite from my Dad (G-d bless him!): I don't really understand how you can feel attracted both to men and women equally. How do you explain the complexities of human sexuality to your parents, who've probably never reflected on these kinds of issues in their mainstream, heterosexual-normative lives? 'No, Dad, I'm not attracted to men and women equally, but I also don't think I'm completely homosexual'. Ooh, that was fun!

As I said at the beginning, their response was pretty much what I expected. Disappointment, but still very supportive and loving. Compared to what many people experience when their families discover these things, I should be quite thankful. Actually, guilty confession here: It was kind of fun disrupting the life script they had set out for me! They said: we expected education --> career --> [heterosexual] love --> [straight] marriage --> [grand]kids. That's the rebel in me: relishing the fight against bourgeois values!

I think that's about it. We played cards as planned, my Mum said she'd cry later because I disrupted what she had expected for me, though she still loves me. Both of them said it's a good thing that I felt comfortable sharing this news with them. I suppose that's as good a result as I could have wanted!

Where to from here? Well, I still don't know. Incidentally, that was also the title of my first ever journal entry on Oasis! Oh, how far I've come...

That's a long entry, but it's also really important! I expect the congratulations to come flooding in from you people! I've blogged twice in one week (or, as Adrian would prefer, "written a journal entry ;) and that's an event for me!

Thanks for reading,



beyond infinity's picture


congratulations for telling your parents, they were the hardest for me to tell, and i still cant bring myself to telling my brothers. When i came out to my parents the first thing my parents said after they still loved me is that they were glad they didnt have to worry about teenage pregnancy, we laughed and they havnt brought it up since then.


adrian's picture


coming out to one's parents is an important step on 'the road to wellville' =)

A friend once told me, that there are three things that you need to tell your parents when coming out.

  1. I love you
  2. It's not your fault
  3. It's not a phase

I think that's very good advice.

Putting the HEAD back into Hedonism

allenbronte's picture


4) It's not a choice or a disease.
5) You can't cure it, don't even try.

Mr. & Mr. Bronte-Martel
The Journal-diary of a teen suicide

Daniel's picture

Congrats!!! It must feel gre

Congrats!!! It must feel great to get that out in the open :)

niks121997's picture


That's awesome! Congratulations!!! :)

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."

Hisphere's picture


I think it's great that you told your parents. And psh, mothers... they sure can get overly emotional, can't they? On the bright side, they didn't throw you out, like some of my other friends' parents have done.. If you can destroy your parents' hopes and dreams for you in a single half-hour timespan, you should come out more often. It's fun to watch their reactions, isn't it? Especially facially. My parents were understanding, but I happened to be the chip my friend used to come out to her parents... Wish she'd've told me beforehand. But it was fun, their faces dropped in shock, then they seemed a bit disgusted, then there was utter disbelief, then anger, then shock again, and then her mother broke into hysterics and her father looked as though he'd just had a piano dropped on his head.. I'm glad your parents were so understanding, though. Makes things easier, doesn't it? Take care.

You know you love me.

sweetsixteen's picture

dan the man

Well done! Geez, your parents were so understanding. I reckon it's much better if your honest with them initally, than say them opening the door on you and the hot pool cleaner!

Good luck with the rest of em.

:) -the sweetness of sixteen

Dan84's picture

Thank you! Thank you!

Thanks for your kind words, everybody!

Yeah, it's kind of nice to have that out. In fact, my mum was saying the next day how, when I move out, I have to keep coming home for Friday night dinners all the time-- and bring your significant other! Wow, how many parents would say that? I kind of feel guilty ruining the life script they lovingly prepared for me... ;)

Yep, I made it clear that it ain't a phase-- Daniel likes boys and it ain't gonna change. Actually, my mum even asked during the preliminary shock, "We didn't do anything to warp you, did we?". My dad got to that one first: "Dear, of course not!". True, though I admit that married life as shown by them doesn't look like the most fun thing...

Oh, and thanks for the promotion to the main page, whoever (probably Adrian, that demi-god... :P )

flashpoint's picture


Yeah, sometimes those lifescripts can be a little too tight. Like when my parents were shocked at the notion that I wanted to go to Europe for a couple weeks one summer. Hopefully they've loosened up a bit since then.