Why do I do this to myself? Sure, I like him when we're together. He's a great guy. One of the best, actually. I know she told me to see other people until we were together again. She told me she didn't want me to be lonely. But I always find myself thinking about her when I'm with him. And especially afterwards.
He's the only guy I've ever let touch me like that. And it's not even below the belt. I feel nothing when he does it, and then dirty afterwards. I'm now wishing I hadn't agreed to hang out in his room. I don't even know why I did it, really. Maybe I was just lonely.
He's in love with me. He's said it, and you can see it in his eyes. And I love him, but not the way he wishes I did. I've always had commitment issues. I can honestly say I never actually needed anyone in my life. Until I met her. And it pains me, because I know he's fallen just as hard. But I just can't return his affections.
I know this is going to effect our friendship. How could it not? Who knew a friendly peck of a kiss would end up like this? But then the kiss deepened. And it wasn't quite right. The lips were too small, the tongue too big, the face too rough. So why did I let him take it further?
What's wrong with me?