Casual sex & I am so upset I can't calm down.

DiscSpinnerDude's picture

I haven't been around here for awhile (mainly because I've been doing good with the whole gay thing). I've got a good gay best friend (who wanted to go out with me for a long time but now has accepted that all we can be is best friends). There's also my confused bisexual friend (Guy #2) who was my first real mature love (well, crush) that was based on more than physical attraction.

Now I've been doing alright. Getting over him, calming down. Getting on with my life and accepting friendship between us as enough. Now today I have so many mixed feelings I don't know what to do or what to say to them or how to deal.

[In case you're wondering, my best friend, Guy #2 and I are going to be juniors in (the same) high school next year. Guy #3 will be a sophomore in another school]

So Guy #3 is this (very horny) friend of ours who doesn't know Guy #2, because he's kind of from a different group of friends that best-friend and I hang out with. Guy #3 has been talking (privately) about wanting to hook up for some sexual things (hand/blow jobs, because those don't count as sex *sarcasm*) with some of our straight (or slightly bi-curious) friends from THAT group.

This morning I discover that my best friend proposed that Guy #2 and Guy #3 hook up to get off. He did this yesterday or the day before. It's not until [u]this morning[/u] that he realizes I might have some feelings about this (due to my general distaste with casual sex and my history of wanting to marry guy #2).

I am so confused and pissed and sad. Neither Guy #2 or Guy #3 deserve this, along with everything else. Apart from ALL of my other problems with their doing this, it's so stressful to watch this unfold while better people get nothing. And sue me for being self-assured, but I think I'm a better person. =\

I don't know how to feel. I am so disgusted with this whole situation. I don't want it to cause a rift between me and my best friend or me and Guy #2 (who is still one of my very good friends) over views on casual sex. Besides that, I'm so... angry. I've been just getting by on going to bed to unrealistic, but comforting fantasies of a romantic, long-term relationship with my someone I know I'd never have in 145 million years (a teacher). So I'm stuck with this and my friends who are still trying to find their sexual identities get these little encounters arranged for them.

Unfair. Upsetting. Sad. Bleeeegh.


antinous's picture


That is terribly unfair. I wish there was something we here on the InterWeb (TM) could do about it, but I don't think there is. Maybe #2 and #3 will hit it off, and maybe they won't. Either way, they won't be entirely consumed by the encounter; they won't be swept off the face of the earth simply because they know each other. Even if they end up spending many months together, people will move on, and you will still know them, if you want to. You always have a "chance" with #2, as long as you are willing. And you can have all the fantasies you want about #2 in the meantime, if you get tired of thinking of your teacher. :)

Life is unpredictable and beautiful in its mystery. Over seven years ago a young man started a column on Oasis that fascinated and excited me. I chastised myself for noticing, as we were miles and years apart, and, obviously, nothing could ever happen. Two years later, when I positively least expected it, something did. And we had a wonderful relationship.

I hope tomorrow is better for you!

- Jeremy / antinous

Dan84's picture


Yeah, I echo Jeremy's comment about tomorrow getting better. :)