anoying double standard

Army_your_green's picture

I have never been with a woman. I know, however, that i am truely into women. My sister seems to think that because I have never been with a woman than I don't really know my sexuality. Yet the thoughts in my head prove otherwise. If i was straight and had never been with a man, my sexuality would never be questioned. I am wondering what you think about this unjust double standard.

redpanda367's picture

I completely agree. I haven't

I completely agree. I haven't actually been on the receiving end of this little piece of logic, but if I am, I certainly will question it. In my case, I have dated guys before, but even before then, I didn't have any doubt that I was gay.

It sort of overlaps with the idea that some (most?) people have, that gay people can choose to be straight if we want. The main argument I use - and so far, it's worked pretty well - is to take the reverse that straight people can't CHOOSE to be gay - of course, they could kiss a member of their own gender, or do any other things you like, but would they actually BE gay? The answer, as far as I can see it, is no.

Just my thoughts.

- rp367

ilovepwin's picture

i dont agree

i am 17 and up until last yr had never been with anyone in a relationship, sad but true. becoz i had never been with anyone ppl were starting to think that maybe i was a lesbian and thats y i didnt have a bf. some ppl still seem to think i am single (coz they dont know about my relationship with my gf) and still seem to think that coz i have never been with anyone i must be a lesbian. so i understand hat ur saying, but i think sometimes its different.

Dan84's picture

The double standard...

Just the usual narrative of "it's a phase" or "nobody's really gay" rearing its ugly head. I think redpanda put it best when he said that no straight person can choose to be gay... Try using that, and pay those in denial no heed.

poetry nymph's picture


so sorry you are going through this. me, even before i was with a woman, i knew i was a lesbian. i havent always known but one day i met a girl who was gay and she opened my eyes. she made me realize that i love women. i have extreme reasons to not want to be with men though,(for more info look into my journals and poems) but when she told me that if you were gay you would eventually know it, i looked back to my past and i saw that when other girls were saying look how gorgeous that guy is, i was thinking look how beautiful that woman is. i was always noticing women more often than men. although i feel like i could be with a guy, but they dont really attract me.
good luck
poetry tiff

Ashe Wednesday's picture

I hear ya

I wonder a question close to yours pretty often. If a person says they're straight, no one says anything, but if someone says they're queer, everyone's so quick to say "Oh, you just don't know yet" or "It's a phase" or just not believe you. It's annoying.

Things will change. I will change.
Ai ess aich ell ee why.