Well, I emailed EJ. I told her that I just wanted to apologize for fighting with her when we broke up; I had promised that I would be there for her and I would at least try to understand if she ever needed to tell me anything or if she wanted to break up. I really do feel bad about that whole incident. She emailed back saying "it's okay, it's all good now." But I really feel bad, and it isn't okay. I should have kept my word, and I really regret what I did. Hopefully we can still be friends.
I feel so immature sometimes...like when I read what I wrote before, about thinking that I probably believed that my feelings for EJ were more than what they really were. Maybe I'm just trying to hide my pain. No matter what, I'll always love her. Even if it's not a 'more than friends' feeling. She's awesome, she's a beautiful person, and I have so much respect for her. On top of that, I really owe her thanks. She helped me find myself. She was the first girl I ever fell in love with. I met her, discovered she was a lesbian, and from there on I began questioning my s.o. In my old journal from when I was 11, I wrote that I hoped I wasn't a lesbian. I guess the whole idea kind of intimidated me. And as my journals go on, I can see how I've matured and come to know myself better. I'm so glad that I met EJ, and that I've had my experience with her. She taught me so much and she helped me find who I really am.
A lot of the time I seem to think that I began questioning when some of my friends came out to our group of friends. But I know that it had been going on way before that. I guess that's about the time when I really realized my sexuality. Like I said, since I met EJ I had begun questioning; I felt something for her that I hadn't felt for a girl before. Or anyone for that matter. So once again, I owe thanks to EJ.
Grrr sometimes I get so offended. *Morgan* (name changed), came out as bisexual, as did *Melanie* (name changed). Melanie, I believed. I could tell that she really does like girls. She has a serious boyfriend right now, also. But we'll talk about how hott girls are and everything. But Morgan... I can't really believe her. And it really does offend me that she claims to be bi. I mean, maybe I'm wrong, and she really is. But I have my doubts. She dated Melanie. It ruined their friendship. They stopped talking. Started talking again like nothing happened. At least Morgan did. Melanie knew better, though. The story of Morgan is for another time.... Anyways!! Morgan says that she's decided to stop dating girls. Because it's a hassle, or something like that. But she's still willing to date Melanie. Right... She just keeps proving over and over again in so many ways that she's completely straight. But she'll say things to try to make herself look bi. And it's really offensive.
Well, I'll have to post about Morgan sometime...boy is there a lot to say about her!!!