I'm just chillin' here...

Ashe Wednesday's picture

Gahhhh.... don't get me wrong, I'm lovin my summer and all the stuff I'm doing, but I feel separate from everybody else in my group and in everything I'm doing. Besides the fact I'm the only black person in most of these cases, being a queer person doesn't help much. I know people are always saying You're not alone and it helps... until you've heard the same damn line some 20 times in the course of 1 year. That's pretty much where I am right now. I've heard that line from friends (trying to comfort me when they have no CLUE what's happening to me), teachers (just doing what they get paid next to nothing to do, make them sleep well at night) and online writings on sympathtic sites (which is kinda hypocritical considering I've done the same thing etc). Sorry for the bitterness, but I'm not in the greatest frames of mind right now so I'm not biting my tounge. Now, I know I'm not alone but still... I feel like it. I'm barely around any of my friends now and I'm in a different atmosphere that I'm comfortable in, just not regarding this. I don't care who knows... ah fuck who am I kidding I do care. Girl Scouts really scares me... my troop doesn't know nor does the whole camp I go to-- including the JCs I bunk with on JC Overnight. But I mean, these are little kids! They wouldn't be as weird about it as the other JCs, girls from the 'burbs who aren't too accepting to anything remotely "not straight as an ----->" (I overheard some girl yell "Don't touch me like that you fag!" when another girl tried to lay on her lap). It pisses me off. That type of atmosphere doesn't really change in Academy. A few people know (about 3) out of over 100 kids & teens. It's just... aaahhh!!! I'm not making any sense and my stomach hurts.

Lastly, if anybody listens to "The Dave Matthews Band" there's a song that has the lyrics "when the reporters report murders on tv why don't they have a tear in their eye..." that's not verbatim and then there's something about "lullabies". I dunno. But if you know what the name of this song is, I'd really appreciate it! Thanks.