Psychic Croissants in... Taking One For The Team!

crookedsmile's picture

I stumbled into the kitchen this morning feeling particularly peckish. Scrambled eggs and cottage
cheese! With hot sauce! As usual! I was reaching under the counter for the scrambler pan when I
heard a muffled throat clearing. Slight, yet haughty. Polite, yet arrogant. I rolled my eyes and
turned around. Sure enough. White bag of croissants. Rustling.

"What, man?" I asked, exasperated. "I told Mom I didn't want croissants! You're not for me, you're
for Ray. And she's still sleeping. So keep playing word games or whatever." And I turned back to the
stove. But it's never that easy.

"Um...?" began the bag. "But, why, though? I mean, you know, why?" That damned cherry-filled.

"Because you're huge! You're just a huge, big, giant ball of dough! With.. cherries. And icing.
And anyway, you're Ray's."

The bag tittered. "Actually, Ray's not going to get up for another four and a half hours. And then
she's not going to feel well so she's going to go sit in the steam room at the gym." That fucking
cream cheese-filled. "She'll give two old women a sinus infection. One of them will have to take
Ciprofloxacin. "

"Guys, no. Stop it. I'm having eggs."

"You're out of eggs."

Shit. No point in even looking, then; cream cheese-filled is never ever wrong.

I look at the bag. The bag looks at me.

"I have an icing heart on me this time!" sings cherry-filled, rocking back and forth. And what am
I supposed to do then?

"You're going to eat us both," reports cream cheese-filled happily. "And then later, you'll be
brushing crumbs off of your shirt and you'll get a big croissant flake up your nose. You'll smell
croissants for like three hours." And then they both burst out laughing like little schoolgirl

Psychic croissants: always right, but a sense of humor like a bag of rocks.


sistinesylph's picture


Clever! Lol, it made me laugh.

"Man it takes a silly girl
to lie about the dreams she has.
But lord, it takes a lonely one to wish
that she had never dreamt at all."

Deformed Emotion's picture

It's not fair

Why is it that food, beds and other items talk to everyone but me? OmG I fell so left out :(

*One day stupid ppl will rule and I shall be your leader*

Talaya's picture


Try plants. Talk to them, and eventually they start talking back.

Beryl's picture

*laughs out loud* That's i

*laughs out loud*

That's intense!!!!