Me: You're an idiot.
Me 2: Pardon me?
Me: You heard me, I-D-I-O-T. Idiot. Plain and simple.
Me 2: And what specifications do you have that qualify you to make this sudden proclamation?
Me: I could list them all, but I have better things to do with my time.
Me 2: Moving on then. Why am I an idiot? What supreme blunder have I recently committed that makes me such an idiot?
Me: What haven't you done recently? You turned 18. Big deal. You got your nose pierced, who cares? You are screwing up your furture. Single handedly you are making yourself miserable because you can not for the life of you make any decisions. Except the wrong ones, of course. Face it, you suck at life.
Me 2: HEY! Wait a minute! Thats just mean!!
Me: Sometimes the truth just fucking stings, ya know?
Me 2: Atleast give something of a break. I've had a lot to deal with right away. You can't blame everything one me. And I have made some decisions. I've chosen a college. I've got a job. I...Well, I am going to be alright in the future. I think...
Me: Bull. You are going to fail. And you want to know why you are going to fail?
Me 2: Enlighten me.
Me: Because you have made too many bad choices already. You are going to get nowhere since you screwed up and ignored the things that you are marginally good at. Thats why. Get used to that four letter word. You're going to hear it a lot.
Me 2: You're such a pessimist.
Me: I try.
Me 2: Go to hell.
Me: I'll be takin' you with me.
Me 2: *sigh* Look, I will not fail in entirety. I chose what I did because at this moment in time it makes sense to me. I will go to FSC, I will major in English. I will continue in the relationship that I am currently one half of. After that, well, we'll see, now won't we?
Me: You make me physically ill.
Me 2: What?!
Me: You're faux optimism is making my nose bleed.
Me 2: How is it "faux"? It's nothing of the sort!
Me: OH! My ears! They're bleeeeding!
Me 2: Oh, you are such a drama queen.
Me: OH the paaaain!
Me 2: I am not faking anything. I am going to be fine in the future. Maybe not completely successful, perhaps, but I'll be alright.
Me: Uh huh, you just keep telling yourself that. Continue kidding yourself. Have a nice time wallowing in the fakeness. Wallow away. I'm getting a coffee.
Me 2: What! Coffee! Take me with you!!!
Me: I'm not listening...I'm not listening...I'm not listening...
Me 2: Grow up! Take me with you! Puh-lease..
Me: Stop following me! Cut it out!
Me 2: You can't get rid of me! HA! You're stuck with me!!
Me: Kill me now. Please.
Me 2: Nope, I'm too young to die. I've got my whole future ahead of me.
Me: WHAT FUTURE!?! I'm telling you, YOU ARE A FAILURE.
Me 2: I know you are, but...wait that doesn't work!
Me: Leave me alone.
Me 2: Make me!
Me: SHUT UP!
You know, sometimes you just have to stop and have a slight conversation with yourself. Straighten things out, make them worse. Whatever. Either way, you stop, you converse and thats when you realize...You need help.
Have a good day.