For Tanna

Pwin4Tink's picture

You were once my everything... My sister... My life... Just everythign anyone could ever ask... Although we were young we knew alot... We were born just 2 minutes apart... We spent everyday of our short lives together... Never left eachother side... But then you left me... Left me to fend for myself... And we were so young... I had to learn to be independant... I had to learn to be on my own with out you... We had no warning...... We didn't understand it... You and I thought you'd be better in no time... But what we thought was so wrong... WHY?? Why did it happen at such a young age... You couldn't even live ur life... We promised we'd never leave each other... We promised we'd wait for each other... Are you still waiting for me??? Do you know what's happening in my life??? Do you knwo the pain I have suffered... The pain I've had to suffer on my own... We were always at each other's side... Do remember how close we were... Are you still with me??? Or did you think I was doing a good enough job of looking after myself on my own??? I need you here with me... I feel so alone... Do you know that I still blame my self for your goings... Do you know I ran away because of you leaving... I knew it was my fault... I didn't know what else to do... I was only young for heavens sake... You shouldn't have gone... You were too young... You didn't even explore life on your own...
I remember when we used love our parents telling us the story of our birth... Telling us that you didn't want to leave me out in the real world without you... I was born at 08:23am and you were born 08:25am... They knew then and there that we'd never leave eachother's side... I remeber mum (ur mum) telling us that when we were being breast fed you and I held hands together... A strong firm hold... At such a young age we stuck together... Just you and me... No-one else... No-one was allowed to disturb our little couple... I remember sticking up for eachother... stopping people hurt you or me... Making sure we protected each other... Just you and me and that was it... I remember the angel wings and fairy wings and hailo and wand... you were always a fariy me the angel... just you and me... sitting out on the road together talking about where we wanted to fly off too... No-one else was allowed to come... No one was able to fit in with us... we had our own special bond... that no-one knew about... ii remember when we went bike riding to the park and we found that little puppy... and we took it home... remembe rhow we named him cho-cho-ria... ur mum let us keep him... he was kept at ur place cos i already had Rosco and Sheba... Do you remember when I got Sheba for my first bday (I dont' Lol)... What I do remember is taking Cho-cho-ria and Sheba on a bike ride... and their leads were attached to our bikes... and the ran off too fast and made us fall off our bikes... and we cried becuase we hurt alot... I remember we wouldnt go backe on our bikes...
We had so much fun together... Why did you have to go??? Why did I let you???
You were diagnosed with Chest Flamation and Fluid in your Lungs at seven and a half years old... You were so young... I remember it was caused by the surfing... Do you remember when we were learning to surf??? Do you remember meeting Jillianne??? Do you remember how much fun it was??? Do you remember the three musketeers??? You me and Jillianne... Do you remember when we used to bury eachother in the sand??? Why couldn't we fight your illness??? Why did the doctors give up??? Do you know that so many people survive from your illness now... Do you know that the doctors also refused to help Jillianne with exactly the same thing...
Do you remember the last time you were at the beach... You should... It was the last time we ever swam together... It was the last time for "us"... It was the last tiem for you to enjoy your life... I'm glad I was with you... But I'm not glad that I let you die... I know it was my fault... I know I could have done more to save you... You were in the water... and you started coughing... and then chocking... and then you were under the water... You were drowning Tanna... I dove under and pulled you up... I put u on my board and pushed you to shore... I revived you... And you were fine... You were telling me that you were glad I was you Metal sister... I remember crying telling you you'd be ok... I remember you coughing and then you stopped breathing... I kept screaming to you "Tanna Tanna WAKE UP!!! Tanna Please Dont Go!!! Tanna" I remember a tear fel out fo you eye... I tried to revive you again... But it didnt work... The ambulance people kept trying to revvive you... But they couldnt... They gave up... I begged them to keep going... I told them you were only eight and that they needed to bring you back to life... But they sed they couldn't... I remember screaming at them... and hitting someone... I couldn't believe it...you left me... you died in my arms... i tried to save you but i couldnt... IM SORRY TANNA... PLEASE COME BACK TO ME... you shouldnt have gone the way you did... It should have been me...
I remember running away... I remember i ran away because I blamed myself... I remember being found 3 months later... I was placed in hospital for 5 months... I couldn't get over it... You just left me... We didnt even get a chance... You were my best friend... My life... Why did you have to go???
Its been 9 years since you left... 1 month and 3 days till it's exactly 9 yrs... Will I see you again... Like I have since you died??? Will I talk to you again... Do you know what my life has consisted of... Do you know that I am hurting??? Hurting for a numerous of resons... Your my Metal sister... Why aren't we still togther???
I love you!!!!
~Pwincess~