Rollercoasters and surfing and atomic bombs and what they all have in common

i kiss girlz's picture

I like rollercoasters, I really do. I like the ones at Kings Dominion, like the Rebel Yell and the Grizzly and the Anaconda. I like the ones at Busch Gardens, like the Alpengeist and the Apollo's Chariot. I've never been to Six Flags, but I'm sure their rollercoasters are awesome too.

I've never been surfing either, but it looks like fun. Someday, I'll learn how. Blame that on Summerland, that show on the WB.

Atomic bombs scare me. I mean, what if one lands on you one day when World War III erupts and you don't know about it but they're shooting off bombs and stuff and the world is blowing up? And then you walk outside to get the mail or the paper or to move your car so your mom can go to Target, and you look up and see this huge missile thing headed for your head and it hits you before you can blink and yu're dead? Weird. I guess it wouldn't really hurt that much, you would explode or whatever pretty fast, but still. It would be the best suicide bombing ever, if you strapped yourself to one of those A-bombs and went hurtling over the Atlantic or Pacific or whatever and you exploded, like you were a bomb.

What do they all have in common? Other than the possibility of death? Well, they all resemble my lyfe in some way. They all make me at least a bit nervous (I'm afraid of heights...). I wonder what it feels like to wipe out on an awesome wave while you're surfing. I wonder what it's like to know a few seconds before it happens, but not to be able to do anything about it.

No, wait! *hits self on head* Yes I do! It's that feeling of dread and sheer panic just before you shatter into a zillion pieces! How could I forget? *extremely sarcastic tone of voice* Must have slipped my memory.

This isn't going to be one of my depressed, sad, "why me?" entries. No, I'm just going to be sarcastic and what's the word, bitter? That works. Nothing is wrong with my lyfe right now. Not exactly. I mean, I start college classes Monday and I have no idea where anything is nor anything else about it really, but hey I can deal with that. Everything is cool with Joe. Everything is cool with Liz. And Jenna. Mostly.

I just have this feeling that something is about to smash up my perfect lyfe and there won't be anything I can do about it. Maybe it has something to do with my explosion at Kings Dominion Tuesday, I don't know. I haven't said anything about it because it's one of my hetero relationship issues. Will anyone care if I explain it for a quick minute? No? OK then.

I went to KD with Liz and a church group thing Tuesday and Joe knew I was going so he got his parents to take him (his car is in the shop) and he met me there. Their youth leader dude, Tim, is this really strict son of a bitch who decided we all had to stay in groups of four or more. So OK, no big. Well, one of the chicks in my group was being a bitch (this would be Maryanna) and had a problem with Joe showing up and hanging out with us. She cornered me in the ladies' room and told me to make him go away -- no lie, those were her words. All right, I was already a tad irritated with Joe but I was more pissed at Maryanna because she was lready giving me a hard time (saying shit about my being bi and how I was sooo misguided and lost) and I basically redirected my irritation at Joe and told him to fuck off, which pissed him off and then I was miserable for the rest of the day. Well, it wasn't totally bad because Abigail, another chick in my group was really nice and all (must remember to keep an eye on her, she seems awesome, held my hand !!!!), but still.

So then my mom found out and she has major issues about the whole thing and I feel extremely misunderstood and probably as a result of my hetero-disaster, I have gone totally lesbian ever since Tuesday. I want nothing to do with men, except possibly hang out with a select few -- mostly my wonderful gay guy friends who are so awesome and understanding =). And I feel like my lyfe is going to shatter again and I don't know why.

And they all say I never have problems .... I'm too neurotic for my own good.