Advice on stereotypes- Not a 'dyke'

Porcelina's picture

Over the past year, I have been questioning my sexuality. I like being friends with guys (and girls) but dating, just doesn't work for me. Men's body parts just disgust me. And I could never imagine myself having sex with a man. I know I am young. 14 years old. But all of my friends, they want guys. The like making out, they think about guys, they date....etc. I won't even kiss one. I 'cuddled' with one once and when I came home, I threw up. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me.

I know that some of my friends who are girls would be like...'oh, this celebrity is so hot or I would date this celebrity or something and usually its a really masculine looking celeb. Well....I was always attracted to the girly looking ones...the feminine ones...

And after much thought and deliberation....I think I am bisexual with a tendency towards lesbianism (because I have been in love and attracted to guys before...but only 2 in my life time.)

And I have noticed that the stereotype of lesbians are 'dykes' or masculine looking/dressing/acting females. But I am not attracted to them nor do would I be classified as one. I'm about as feminine/girly as they get.

So, now I am confused...and worried about the image that people might think of me as. I have told a few of my friends...but not the guy who likes me or one of my other friends.

I worry, that the girls will think I am attracted to them, though I am not.

FairyGirl06's picture

hmmm i think

You may be femme ( i am a femme as 'they' call it) i am bi and well i am as girly and stuff as you get you don't have to be a masucline-female to be a lesbian or bi. and i know how you feel about other girls being werid and thinking your attracted to them and your not, well all you gotta do is tell them your not. don't worry so much about image and what other people think. and you don't have to tell everyone you know ,you can keep it just to a small group of friends or you can shout it to the world. anyway i don't know if that helped at all but i wish you luck andif you want to talk or whatever my e-mail is well ya i hoped that help or someone else can help some more.

Love and Gumdrops

crookedsmile's picture

Yeah, I'm not really attracte

Yeah, I'm not really attracted to butch girls either. Some, but not all. It doesn't really matter how you dress/act, I don't really think you need a label. Are you sure you're bi? Have you had any crushes on girls? Cause thats what I usually go y.

Porcelina's picture

Yes. I have been attracted to

Yes. I have been attracted to a girl before. And the one boy I loved was fairly feminine. I could just be a lesbian if you want to label but yeah...

OverlappingElvis's picture


Holy crap! You mean you don't exactly fit a stereotype that people might think you fit? You mean you somehow exist as an individual who isn't subject to others' expectations? That's just shocking! Unthinkable! Seriously though... it doesn't matter if you don't "fit the mold" or whatever. I think (without actually knowing you) that you're probably a much more interesting person than if you were the exact model of a stereotype. Just be yourself, man.

dazed and confused's picture

I struggled a lot with the wh

I struggled a lot with the whole lesbian-dyke image too when I was first coming out to myself. I'm not what you would call excessively girly, but I'm far from being your "typical" masculine dyke. When I came to college it helped to see alot of other lesbians who didn't fit this stereotype, and I eventually came to the conclusion that I am who I am. If people can't get past the stereotype, then that's their problem. I think the more GLBT people who come out, who don't fit these stereotypes, the better the world will be at seeing that we're all as different from each other as all the straight people are.

Good luck with everything, and feel free to IM me if you ever want to talk with someone! (xphileatnd for both AIM and yahoo)


"The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave, live."

vel's picture

admiring you, hoping you'll find joy

That's cool that you've questioned so much about your sexuality, and brave of you to be posting on this site - I know when I was first figuring things out, I felt wierd even about talking with people on the internet. You'll figure more and more things out in the next few years. I first started figuring myself out when I was 14/15, and it took a year before I really KNEW where I stood. And each year since then has been more affirming to me of who I am. That's how it is, we're all evolving all the time and growing to be the people that we will be, and one day you'll wake up after trying a variety of things, and you'll just know that something feels right. And whatever you decide is for you, I think questioning one's sexuality is an important process, regardless of the outcome, so good for you for being here and asking questions of yourself and others. And best of luck. Totally here for you.

Love and Peace,

BrunetteBeauty1989's picture

You sound like me

I am very much a girly girl, I like spending ridiculous amounts of money on my hair, and it takes me two hours to get ready, everyone has a set sterotype that lesbians are manly, and all butch but they would be sadly mistaken.

I find dykes hot at times, it depends on who the person is.

It is a good thing that you can tell your friends, for me it is a maximum of 5 people in my life that may know about me and my sexuality, I thought I was bi, until I met someone, now lol, I am flamboyantly gay


Army_your_green's picture

I am not butch at all(althoug

I am not butch at all(although I tend to like butch women). Most of my friends were pretty surprised when I told them I was gay. My point is there is no one type of lesbian. You don't have to fit the sterotype to be gay. As for the whole girls will think your attracted to them thing, don't worry about it. Sure some people will have problems with it, but you have to not let it bother you. Educate you friends. Tell them that you are not attracted to every single girl out there. They would be pretty self centered to think that just because you are gay (bi or what ever) means that you automatically like them. Well I hope that you manage to figure things out.

~If we were all the same, life would be boring

milly the fairy's picture

Jesus Christ, you need to see my things.....

I'm a lesbian, but a very girly one! My favourite thing at the moment is my Disney Wishes stickers! Which are now on my mates, my relatives and my glasses case....
Seriously, its possible to be both. Don't let otthers affect you.
Being girly rules!

I'll always be.... yours fatally....

Emily Grrl's picture

From a trans perspective...

Ok, for starters, I self-identify as a bisexual girl, even though my biology might not match. These concepts affect me greatly , so here's my thoughts on it:

'butch' and 'femme' are simply two extremes to a scale, where one is just more masculine and the other is more feminine. These identities have nothing to do with your sexual orientation. You don't have to even be one or the other; you could be somewhere in between, or even completely off the map. If you identify as a femme, then that's who you are, and no stereotype nor anyone's perception can take that away from you.

StarLight's picture

Lesbians (and bisexual) come in all kinds

To sum up what the rest of the people that have posted here - lesbians and bisexual women are not always butch. You can be as girly as they come - it has no connection with your sexuality at all. And to ditto what you said...I'm bi, I do have attraction to men...but their anatomy...not so attractive. My advice to you...just be who you are. Not saying you are lesbian...but most the people I know that say they identify as bi but lean towards lesbian are just not ready to admit to themselves that they are lesbian.

LPChick88's picture


I know what you mean.
I am pretty girly but I love my jeans and oversized black t-shirts.
I love girls and always will.
For a while, I truly was bi but I slowly lost my attraction towards guys. They just don't do it for me.
I have dated quite a few guys in my life but I wasn't really INTO it. I always knew that no matter what, I would end up sharing the rest of my life with a woman.
I even used to kiss one of my step-cousins all the time and she's straight and I'm not. Trust me, this was K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!

You truly could be bi.
Most people start out bi and end up being lesbian, gay or straight.
I really think there are some truly bi people and the world and you may be one of them and you may not.

Good luck!

Email me if you want to talk more.
I don't apologize for who I am and I never will.

milly the fairy's picture


My mates call me a dyke as a joke, and I don't find it offensive. All it says is that they're comfortable enough to joke about it.
Me and one of my bessies call each other dykes all the time, lol.
And its not offensive.

I'll always be.... yours fatally....