Am I a bad gay man?

T-mas's picture

Okay, so the other day, I was talking to some of my friends at my new school when suddenly, someone asked me if I was gay. I could've been honest and said, "Yeah, I'm gay." But all I said was "No." The select few who new knew I was gay stayed silent, but I felt sooo aweful! At my old hometown and school, I was completely open, swearing I would never go back in the closet. But when the opportunity came to tell the truth, I chicken out! I feel so aweful about the whole incident! I feel like I killed a part of myself for lying! What the hell have I done?! What do you think? Did I made a sacrafice because I'm still new at my school, or am I a bad gay man?
T-mas

msydor's picture

No, I think you're an excelle

No, I think you're an excellent human being.

Sometimes adjusting can be really rough; you should be proud of yourself for coming out to those select few that you mentionned. Also sometimes it's to your advantage to not mention it to some people, it sounds like the person asking you this question wasn't exactly the best person to confess your true feelings to.

Maybe they'll find out eventually, but that's of no matter. You're still a wonderful person. And the time will come where at your new school where you'll be swearing again. ;)

TeeAhr1's picture

Sure, you made a compromise.

Sure, you made a compromise. Maybe you didn't even know you were doing it until it was already halfway out of your mouth. Everybody, and I mean everybody here, has done it, and usually hated themselves the next day because of it. Happened to me just last week, I was talking with the new kid at work on lunch and he asked me why I didn't have a girlfriend. "Uh...I dunno. Being single suits me." True as far as it goes, but the context made it a total cop-out. Yeah, even Senor Radical himself, shocking, I know.

You obviously wanted to do the brave thing, and that's good. The world needs people like that, god knows. But maybe it was a bad moment for it, for whatever reason. Maybe the stars weren't aligned, or your shoe was untied, or maybe it was just Friday morning and you were tired and a little short on courage. Shit happens, and if anyone tells you that you're less of a man for that, fuck 'em. This shit's hard, dammit. Of course you're not a horrible person for what you did or didn't do or wanted to do. It's a horrible, shit-ass goddamn world that puts so much pressure on a person and makes it so hard to live your life. We're all just doing the best we can. Best wishes...

p. daniels is...TeeAhr1
The Next Big Thing.™
Estd 1981

Not misunderstood. Honestly just a son of a bitch.

Dan84's picture

Wow!

What a great response! I was going to write my own response, but I think Pete pretty much summed it up... all the while using language that I would be too shy to use!

But yeah... I'm going to write it too! It is a shit-ass goddamn world that makes it hard (if not impossible!) for people like us to simply be ourselves. And it's even worse that we feel like we're selling ourselves out when we lie for our own protection. Let's fact it, sometimes denying that we're gay is simply the right thing to do if we don't want to get beaten up-- both physically and psychologically.

Best of luck at school!

Daniel